to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

Alis: Evans=autocorrected beans

Beans

No.

Ha! I was skim reading and then suddenly everyone was talking about Evans. That'll teach me!

I'm the laziest parent ever to my 22 month old. I never even put him to bed and let him toddle all night until he eventually lies down on the floor then I carry him upstairs. Always done it.

Food and eating similar stuff.

Did the same with my other two. Both eat fine now despite randomness and easy life choosing by us.

A child does not live on purées due to lazy parenting alone, though children with difficulties can require considerable resources to move on from being stuck at phases, and not all parent have the ability or the willingness to put in the work. However the fundamentals are with the child.

"But of course, no children are allowed to be simply spoiled or overly fussy these days, are they? Oh no. They've all got to have some fucking syndrome to fit in with your middle class namby pamby specialness."

This attitude is most often seen by biggots who like to take full credit for the luck they have stumbled onto in life.

I had stepped away from this thread. But I will come back to say, yes, that is a despicable comment sheherezade.

Ok, I get how people will fall over themselves to be lovely to spoiled and fussy children, and maybe that's a credit to you. But seriously, children going as a guest to someone's house with a sense of entitlement that they can treat it like a restaurant, rejecting this and that on a whim and asking for special things to me made for then? Is be fecking mortified if my kids were so rude and ungrateful.

Kid - rude.
OP - ruder, because of disproportionate response, snobbishness, and generally critical tone towards kid for MINOR transgression. And yes, it's bloody minor. No one was hurt, nothing was broken or stolen, the kids got on well. Error of etiquette on part of small child. Over-reaction and a bit of meanness by adult.

I am not talking about children with disabilities or allergies or whatever. I am talking about those children who have so-called "intolerances" or are labelled by their parents as dyslexic/dyscalculic/dyswhatever because they cannot accept or admit that their child is simply not as clever as they would like them to be. Or they are told by some quack in a Chinese "medicine" shop in Milton Keynes that their child has multiple food allergies, with no medical diagnosis, put the child on a terribly restricted diet, and the child ends up with malnutrition (which happened to a family I know). Have a read of this book Look at what "A" stands for...

And Starlight, no, not at all. These parents whose children have some completely medically undiagnosed allergy or are labelled only by their parents, detract from those children who do actually have serious food allergies, are very dyslexic etc etc.

Lemiserableoldgimmer great name. The child didn't ask for anything special. She didn't like or eat what was offered but as her transgressions were fully reported and as this wasn't mentioned I think we can assume she didn't ask.

OP's response was OTT and quite rude at breakfast.

'I am talking about those children who have so-called "intolerances" or are labelled by their parents as dyslexic/dyscalculic/dyswhatever because they cannot accept or admit that their child is simply not as clever as they would like them to be'

What evidence do you have for this?

Do you think that you have an entitlement to SEE documentary evidence for each of the children you have grouped together to make such a bold claim?

Would you say the same thing even if you were shown the DX, because attitudes like this increase the chances of professionals disbelieving even a written document.

Btw, my child has ASD, dyslexia, S&L difficulties and SPD and he's bloody clever, so I hope you have been 'educated'!

brdgrl: Yes 8 year old's rudeness is overshadowed by adult rudeness here.

I used to be afraid to eat in front of people when I was a kid. I used to not eat at other peoples' houses, saying that I wasn't hungry or already ate etc. But I never told anyone about it. I just took breakfast bars everywhere in my bag so I could eat a bit, and I would eat my school packed lunches in an empty room instead of with my classmates.

I grew out of it. Now I'll eat whatever's on offer with anyone!

These parents whose children have some completely medically undiagnosed allergy or are labelled only by their parents, detract from those children who do actually have serious food allergies, are very dyslexic etc etc.

Medically diagnosed allergies... That's cute. You're cute.

I have a food allergy when I eat something that makes my throat swell shut. My parents noted it and let the doctor know. He didn't question it or test it, it was just listed as a food allergy. I was tested for other food allergies, but the doctor would not test for the one my parents told him about because he didn't want a medical emergency on his hands. But more to the point, I did not need to have a doctor tell me I was allergic to something for my parents to know that certain things were dangerous for me to eat and certain things gave me hives/rashes.

Also, there is not such thing as "very dyslexic" and it's insulting to imply that just because you have a LD you are severely impaired from day to day functioning. I have a couple LD's and quite frankly, I keep them to myself because of that attitude that LDs are an excuse to act stupid or that if you are competent in some areas that you obviously don't have a LD. You're not an expert in LDs, and therefore are not qualified to decide if a child has one or if a parent is making it up (and... most parents don't want their child to have an LD, it's not something they make up). Sometimes kids with LDs get tutors and extra help so that even those "very dyslexic" kids are able to write papers and become authors and bloggers.

Am not namby pamby. Or indeed middle class FwIw.

And that's all I will say to scheherazades post as she is proving herself to be very bigoted without my help.

The only clpud is the silver lining of DD's severe allergies and severe issues is that they are not disputable as me having created them or made them up. Must be hideous for those whose kids are in mainstream education but are still struggling with issues, to know there are such bigots around.

Not that I don't wish Dd was a bit more able.

Sorry I mean the only silver lining in the cloud. Must have coffee before posting early in future.

Off to work..although am in Edinburgh it is not a bank holiday for me..just DH and DD.

That book looks like horseshit. 'ADHD, the trump card excuse for parents of fidgety middle class children' Jeez.

C is for....