Which of the is being unreasonable? (trigger warning – termination so please don’t read if this subject upsets you)

[Bluetonic123]

I don’t normally post on here (although I lurk because I am in a relationship with a guy with children and I am getting to know them and am doing my best to do it properly and avoid stepping on their mother’s toes) but I have a situation with some friends and was wondering what you thought this situation.

I have one friend who has been trying to have a baby for over two years. It’s not happening for her and her fiancé and for some reason, they are very adverse to speaking to a medical professional about it so they don’t know what the issue is or even if it’s just bad luck.

I have another friend who is pregnant and does not want to be and has decided to have a termination.

I am as supportive as I can be to both.

The 2nd friend did not want to tell the 1st friend about the pregnancy as she thought it would be too painful but she guessed as my mate was vomiting a lot and asked directly. The 2nd friend was honest about not wanting to keep the baby and the 1st friend just started shouting at her about how she was ungrateful and saying some awful things about how she should keep the baby. It was really horrible and they were both crying. The girl who is having the termination does not want to see or speak to the other girl again. The girl who is trying for a baby maintains that she was just saying what she thought and thinks that it was insensitive of the girl to tell her, even though she asked directly.

To put this into context – the mate who is trying has very well-off parents, a well-paid job and a fiancé with the same. Because of this they are fortunate enough to own a family home outright in a desirable area of London at the age of 30. In contrast my other friend earns very little and rents a room in a house with four other people. She has no savings and her parents are not in a position to give any money at all. She is also single, and the father put the phone down on her when she told him she was pregnant and she has no other way of getting in touch with him. Their situations couldn’t be any more different.

I can understand that it must be painful for my friend who is trying to conceive but I think that her reaction was totally unreasonable and that she owes my other friend an apology. But I have never wanted my own children (never say never though) so worry I am perhaps being insensitive to her feelings.

Which of them (if any) are being unreasonable?

The shouty one is being completely unreasonable. The other did not get pregnant at her.

Tbh I have no doubt that your pregnant friend would have got a tongue lashing either way. If she had said she was keeping the baby then the first friend would have gone off at her about having a baby in such bad circumstances and that she did deserve to have a baby blah blah.

Your TTC friend needs to be told a few home truths, not least of which being "If you want support in your struggles to conceive you need to a) take control and seek medical help and b) stop being a fucking bitch when someone else has what you want because otherwise you will find yourself with no friends at all"

that she didn't deserve to have a baby blah blah.