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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end a new relationship because of bad sex?

64 replies

Proudmummy2456 · 16/05/2014 00:32

Hi ladies,
Been dating this lovely lad for a few weeks now, he's really nice good job everything like that but the sex isn't really that good, no foreplay just straight into it until the inevitable happens after about 5 minutes. Plus he keeps stopping and starting to stop himself from cumming. My last partner was absolutely dynamite in bed so I might just be comparing it to that I don't know. I don't mean to sound shallow but good sex has to be part of my relationship but I feel like a bitch finishing him because of this.

OP posts:
Littledidsheknow · 16/05/2014 00:37

Yes, you are being unreasonable to finish with a good man because of this. Why not try to 'educate' him instead?

HansieLove · 16/05/2014 00:40

It sounds like it is all about him. What's in it for you?

Ludoole · 16/05/2014 00:40

Its only been a few weeks. Teach him....

Original poster
Proudmummy2456 · 16/05/2014 00:40

Well I was thinking this, how do you broach the subject I tried to take a bit of the control and got on top and he said I had to slow down because I was going to make he come. Is there anything I can do about that without all the stopping and starting?

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 16/05/2014 00:41

You do know you can initiate sex and tell him what you like! Guide him, etc.

squoosh · 16/05/2014 00:42

If he shows an eagerness to please I'd keep seeing and educate. If he's selfish I'd get rid.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 16/05/2014 00:42

If he comes too quickly, get him to make you come beforehand.

Original poster
Proudmummy2456 · 16/05/2014 00:43

I have been trying to guide him but everytime I try to initiate what I want to do to make me orgasm I'm going too fast or he'll just get back on top and finish like that!

OP posts:
AnotherSpinningFuckingRainbow · 16/05/2014 00:44

You need to talk to him, if he's not taking any physical hints.
His reaction will tell you if he's going to be a keeper or not!

Original poster
Proudmummy2456 · 16/05/2014 00:48

I know I should talk to him but he'll say things like " I'm a good dancer, I've got rhythm. But you'll already know that from the bedroom" he must think he's a right stud when really he's not

OP posts:
RockinHippy · 16/05/2014 00:54

You need to be blunt with the conversation, maybe do it in a jokey way, but if you can't have the conversation then you might as well just dump him now, because this won't get any better - FFS this is the honeymoon period - how much effort do you think he's going to put in further down the line ??

& if the conversation scares him off - he was never a keeper anyway

Good luck

IfISpellItWrongIsThatOk · 16/05/2014 00:57

How superficial , yabu

SolidGoldBrass · 16/05/2014 00:59

It sounds like he's aware, on one level, that he's not much cop in bed and doesn't care. His reaction is going to be to blame you, suggest you are frigid or have peculiar genitals and to insist that all his previous partners liked his bog-standard 20 second of pumping.

Probably best to bin and move on. Having an ongoing relationship with a man who is sexually selfish (which this one is - it's all about what gets him off, whether you like it or not) is a non-starter. You'll end up resenting him and refusing sex, he will end up either constantly whining and niggling at you or going through a sucession of other women who are so desperate or inexperienced they don't care that he's rubbish at it.

MollyHooper · 16/05/2014 01:02

Superficial? Bollocks.

It's completely selfish for sex to be one sided. Just be straight forward with him.

If he is a good guy he will be determined to make sure you have an orgasm, if he couldn't care less?

Bye.

ThingsThatShine · 16/05/2014 01:13

YANBU. I think its fair enough if quality of sex becomes a real breaker. It's a big part of a relationship and it's not superficial to say that.

alltoomuchrightnow · 16/05/2014 01:43

not superficial at all. shouldn't be all about him

PrincessBabyCat · 16/05/2014 01:46

I call bullshit on everyone saying YABU. If you had bad sex, you would not be in a happy relationship.

But you should try to talk about it first. If he isn't trying, ditch him. If he's selfish in the bedroom, he's probably going to be selfish in other areas as well.

softlysoftly · 16/05/2014 01:52

Yanbu and it's not shallow. I wouldn't be making it my job to "train" anyone especially past the teenage years!

Sex is a large part of compatibility in a relationship so I'd move on.

Schadenfraud · 16/05/2014 02:16

You're not leaving him for bad sex, you're leaving him because despite trying to communicate about sexual problems he completely ignores you hasn't changed.

It will not get better. It might get worse.

Show him the door. You should be sharing your bed with a man who (in the early stages and for as long as possible) wants to absolutely rock your world!!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 16/05/2014 02:19

he'll say things like " I'm a good dancer, I've got rhythm. But you'll already know that from the bedroom"

LTB.

Loopylouu · 16/05/2014 06:50

Move on now. If he's selfish in bed, he will never change no matter how many time you talk, tell him what you want and eventually argue and resent him

FoxyHarlow123 · 16/05/2014 07:07

Sexual chemistry is crucial - no way no how would I soldier on if the sex wasn't up to much.

fairyfuckwings · 16/05/2014 07:14

To be honest I think you're on a hiding to nothing with this one. In my experience no amount of "training" is going to change crap sex into dynamite sex. If it were me I'd move on.

ecuse · 16/05/2014 07:21

Move on. YANBU or shallow. This stuff matters. If you want to be 'no regrets' about it, have a frank chat first to see whether that helps but from your posts it doesn't sound like it will. Neither does it sound like you would be devastated to lose him. It's early days and not working for you - move on whilst it's uncomplicated to do so.

subtleplansarehereagain · 16/05/2014 07:23

YANBU. Move on.