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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like everyone has stolen my news

102 replies

Aylish1993 · 15/05/2014 20:49

Just that really as soon as I found I was pregnant I got to tell my mum and pils and that was it because family told family as they do, now my so called 'friend' has just announced it on fb when I was waiting 3 weeks till our baby was born so I could put a picture on. Probably being over dramatic but is it so much to ask that I want to tell people MY news?

OP posts:

grocklebox · 16/05/2014 13:50

I'm not being mean, I'm being honest. And my phone is wonky, but I'm not so rude as to use textspeak to adults on a forum.
I'm still right. OP has a huge list of FB friends that she doesn't like, and gets narked when they say stuff that she thinks is a secret but every man and his dog can see for themselves. Its juvenile, its silly, and its just not important.

TillyTellTale · 16/05/2014 13:57

I just checked my timeline. I didn't make any mention of being pregnant on there. I just announced the birth.

I still seem to have the same fb friends as I did six years ago. I had a high-risk pregnancy, and I only told the people in my life I would be seeking support from if things didn't go well. That didn't happen over fb- it happened in person, over the phone, or over skype.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 16/05/2014 13:58

I do trust you are posting on 95% of the non-important threads on here at any one time being just as mean?

And maybe she has a wonky phone as well.

You are right that it's not important. You aren't right in your attitude and mean girl stuff to the OP.

I thought you were better than that tbh.

Floggingmolly · 16/05/2014 14:02

If you have 3 weeks to go, it's not exactly news, is it?
And deciding you didn't want to announce the pregnancy on Facebook but do plan to post photos of the baby... How is that any less attention seeking??

AmberLeaf · 16/05/2014 14:05

Maybe people should read the OPs posts properly.

She is living hundreds of miles away from her home town, so if lots of her fb friends are from there, then they wouldn't know she was pregnant by seeing her, as they won't have seen her!

Not making a big fb announcement of her pregnancy isn't odd, how many times do you read on here that people keep it simple on fb and how much they hate facebook announcements.

Im pretty sure Ive seen threads where people moan about pregnancy announcements via facebook, so the OP not doing that is not at all unusual. Im sure everyone who needs to know knows, so totally understandable to not mention it on fb.

The OP has also said that there are a few health concerns that her midwife has highlighted, which is another reason for not wanting it all over facebook.

If the OP didn't have her [I assume] year of birth in her username, I don't think people would be being so fucking horrible to her.

What a bloody pile in.

QuintessentiallyQS · 16/05/2014 14:08

Give the girl a break!

She lives far from home, is barely out of her teens (look at the number in her username), heavily pregnant, and was looking forward to surprising her friends with a picture of herself and her newborn.

Why be so crass?

TillyTellTale · 16/05/2014 14:09

I think Amber summed up the thread, there.

Kif · 16/05/2014 14:11

I suspended mine & DHs FB account when he announced my pregnancy online.

Tbf - it was @ 10 weeks - and I didn't think my boss should find out off FB.

TillyTellTale · 16/05/2014 14:17

I never thought I'd see someone slaughtered on MN for not living out their lives on FB, to be honest.

Until now, all the threads have made me grateful it never really occurred to me to do a facebook pregnancy announcement.

Deverethemuzzler · 16/05/2014 14:25

If the OP had been written like this

'AIBU to be upset with an acquaintance for announcing my pregnancy on FB? My EDD is three weeks away and I have already told the people I want to know. I realise that this is not a huge issue but I am upset by it'

this thread would have gone very differently. People may not have agreed with the op but they wouldn't be so horrible.

Heaven forefend you make a spelling or grammar mistake or use txt spk on MN

You could be telling us your mother had been murdered but if you let a stray no/there/hun in people will be making faces at you rather than offering condolences.

OP. YANBU. It doesn't matter how pregnant you are, it is your pregnancy and our news.

wannaBe · 16/05/2014 14:59

I don't think people need to make an announcement as such, or put up scan pictures or God knows what else people do with their pregnancies on fb (it didn't exist when I was pg).

it's more the idea that you wouldn't want people to know, or that you would expect people to think at 37 weeks there were still people you hadn't told and so not to say anything that is odd.

I think that criticism for the lack of punctuation/spelling/txt speak is out of order and uncalled for though.

kinsorange · 16/05/2014 15:39

I really cant be soft about this one.

It is 2014. Even if she was living on a dessert island, and had just told a few people, news would still get around.

tbh, you would have to be living about pre 1960 for the op's post to be relevant. [and even then people talked and were sociable and a lot already had telephones]

Heathcliff27 · 16/05/2014 15:49

Your baby, your news, your choice.

At least you haven't done what one of my friends has and had the whole of facebook feeling like they're pregnant with her, every spew, twinge, scan photo, nursery decorating photo stage by stage, pictures of clothes she's bought, 3D, 4D, fucking hell she'll be sending out invites to the birth before long.

It isn't even her PFB, its number 3 ffs.

TillyTellTale · 16/05/2014 15:50

News doesn't magically get around. It needs your friend-ship circles to overlap. This woman has moved!

Gossip is like a virus. It needs vectors!

TheVioletHour · 16/05/2014 16:08

Op is a wee bit anxious about her pg so prefers not to discuss it on fb at all, the further info makes it clear its not about the reveal so much as not wanting to mention till baby has arrived safely. Sounds perfectly sensible to me.

kinsorange · 16/05/2014 17:22

News doesn't magically get around

It has since the invention of the telephone!

I am left wondering if the posters that can see what the op is talking about, are in small social/relatives/work circles?

TillyTellTale · 16/05/2014 17:44

Nope, the telephone is not magic. Telephone-users are subject to the same rules of courtesy as everyone else. They simply have more routes to communicate with. Having a device or system of communication does not oblige one to speak everything you know to everyone you know through it.

It's not a possessing spirit!

Itsfab · 16/05/2014 17:51

I think you should concentrate on looking after yourself and making sure your baby is okay instead of getting annoyed with people who aren't even your friends.

It is news when it is people who didn't know she was pregnant are finding out .

I sent a text to a friend announcing the birth of my son and she hadn't even known I was pregnant. I had announced a previous pregnancy that ended in the baby dying so was much more reluctant to tell anyone who didn't need to know this time. My friend is very close but lives 100s of miles away so no need to tell on a day to day basis and then as time went on I felt silly to just announce it .

kinsorange · 16/05/2014 18:30

But people talk Tilly. Dont you. General, ordinary nice chit chat and news!

kinsorange · 16/05/2014 18:31

I dont get this thread

ComposHat · 16/05/2014 18:44

Did they definitely know it was supposed to be a big secret right up to the day of the delivery? If someone had told me that, I would respect it, even though I thought it odd and a bit attention seeking. However if not told with the contrary, I would assume with three weeks to go, that the news was public knowledge and would discuss it with mutual friends.

Was the post on your friend's facebook along the lines of: 'Aylish is up the duff and hasn't told anyone the weirdo, but she definitely is preggers and having the baby in three weeks. Remember you heard it here first.'

Or more like this: 'excited that Aylish is pregnant and only three weeks to go. Can't wait to see the new arrival'

There is a world of difference between the two, one is deliberately slighting you and the other is normal chit-chat and sharing a happy event amongst mutual friends.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 16/05/2014 19:04

Compos- I was wondering that
Maybe because I can't imagine anyone doing the former

As for the age thing, I was married with a full time job and mortgage when I had ds1 at just turned 22. I don't really think it's that young. Not that I had noticed anyway. I've just gone back to look after people's comments.

TillyTellTale · 16/05/2014 19:14

I talk on the phone, yes. Everything I say is a matter of free will and said to one individual at a time. (Note that as it's the 21st century, I don't have a party line.)

Interestingly enough, the issue isn't even about anything said on a telephone, but about someone saying something on facebook, the souped-up equivalent of a party line.

SecretNutellaFix · 16/05/2014 19:15

Just for the record, people seem to mixing grocklebox up with another poster Grockle.

They are not the same person.

Grockle · 16/05/2014 19:17

Thank you SecretNutellaFix. I am not grocklebox. A couple of people saw this and contacted me on FB, worried so I wanted to clarify.

I'm very sorry about your mc, grocklebox.

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