to stop music lessons for DD (12)

[pippiLS]

She's been playing piano and violin since she was 5/6 and has got to grade 5 level in each instrument. Her work ethic around practice is virtually non-existent. I mistakenly thought that by this stage she would have developed a routine to keep up with her instruments but she just doesn't make time to play them.

Has anyone made this decision for their DC?

She has a music scholarship at an Independent school worth 15% of the fees but I'm trying not to let that influence the decision.

see i gave up in the 1st year as i decided if my son never practised by himself he just wasn't that into it.

How about asking her to choose one?

I'd mention the fees so she realises if she does decide to stop both it will mean less money for you all.

What does she say? Does she want to continue, if money is no problem what motivated her to apply for the scholarship?

Also, can she play for now without doing any exams?

If you need the scholarship, I'd stress that point to her.

I think lots of teenagers stop lessons at around 12-14 and regret it later, but often only when they are adults. I wouldn't stop lessons in the hope that she'll immediately regret it.

Has her progress plateaued? If it's just a vague lack of application, I'd persevere.

What do your daughter and her tutors/teachers think?

Keep going! Stick with it until she's done Grade 6 and that's a level that will enable her to give up and then go back to it later in life when she wants to. You don't say how old she is? Sounds like she's done really well on zero practise!

Might not be a good plan to take up the music scholarship, though, if she's not that bothered as it might tie her down!

My daughter as young teens didn't rate practice very highly. If she is grade 5 she is at the stage where she needs to increase the practice. How old is she? I sat my grade 5 at aged 12 as did my daughter. She managed to get grade 8 by the time she was 16 but I gave up having failed grade 7 twice.

I think the best thing is to sit down and plan a schedule with her. She will have other academic work which does get in the way. It's not how much practice she does but whether it is effective practice. I have gone back to piano in the last few years (I'm 50 now) and still can go days without practising unless I specifically plan for it as life gets in the way. Good luck OP.

Thanks for the replies, she's 12 and in year 8. She has had the music scholarship since year 7 and money is an issue - she knows this.

She hasn't been doing exams over the years but we thought it would be a good idea to do the grade 5 ones. She will probably get a merit in her grade 5 piano and perhaps a distinction/merit in grade 5 violin (she will take this in September).

DH and I discussed the possibility of sending her to a selective state school for Y9 (provided they have a place) as the reason she/we turned one down at 11+ was because of the music provision at the Independent school.

Does she play in school groups and enjoy it?

Does the independent school have a school orchestra? If so, the violin would be ideal to keep going to reach a higher standard. Grade 5 is a good level of playing to have reached at 12 and it would be a shame not to continue for another year or two even if she doesn't take any more exams.

Music scholarship students are expected to contribute to the musical life of a school. Is she keen to participate in choirs, musical groups and concerts? If she is, you may find that the practise increases at her new school.

Ketchup, she sings in the Chapel choir and plays in the orchestra and a chamber group. She has been having piano lessons in school and performing (and doing well) in competitions. She has her violin lessons outside school but we have been considering changing to a teacher in school for a number of reasons.

Do you think she could give up piano but keep her music scholarship? She also has an academic scholarship (25%), not sure if that makes any difference.

I stopped them for my 12 year old.

She used to have piano lessons and was doing really well, but then lost interest - other things and new interests took over, starting high school, increase in homework, new friends and new found independence to go out with them, scouts, sailing.

Practice turned into a battleground every day and she'd just sit there like a lemon.

I came to the conclusion I was throwing good money after bad and stopped the lessons.

She'll still sit and play now 3 or 4 times a week (more than she did when she had lessons) but the fight has gone from it now it's on her own terms

I regret my parents stopping my music lessons for this reason. Get her to grade 8 in at least piano and let her stop then.

What does she want to do? It sounds like she has a natural ability if she can progress without too much practice.

I suggest asking the head of music about stopping piano lessons and any effect on the scholarship.

Piano is much more of a slog beyond grade 5, whereas violin would present far more opportunities for playing with other musicians but that's just my view.

Do you pay for the lessons or are they free with her scholarship? If the latter, and she's not getting into trouble at school with her lack of practice, I'd be tempted just to let her keep having lessons, and not doing much practice, unless it's the run-up to an exam!

Spring, she does have a natural ability and she loves performing but I'm not sure if that's enough. She hardly ever sits down at the piano, apart from cramming a few days before her exam.

It's the money and the headspace - I wake up in the mornings wondering if she's going to practise today (she's supposed to do 10 mins of scales/arpeggios before she goes to school) - she never does despite agreeing to do so many times.

She doesn't want to be a musician but she does purport to love music.

I learnt piano from the age of 5 until I was 12. At 12 I think a lot changes in our lives and we do tend to lose interest in things we have spent years doing.

Looking back now I do wish I had carried on for longer so I would say if she is still keen to do the lessons and still passing the exams, then let her carry on if it is affordable.

To be fair, how many of us would want to get up in a morning and do the piano practice.. it isnt the end of the world if she doesnt do her scales before school, it really isnt.

Think I'll give the director of music a call. Any advice on what to say to him greatly received :)

Spring, my fear is that she will slip backwards rather than progress and that that will be damaging to her self esteem. Not sure what I'm basing that on though as I've never learned an instrument myself.

umm I'm probably in the minority but I'mm assuming that the music scholarship more than covers the cost of lessons? If so I'd keep them up and let her keep playing but maybe not practising much?

My kids come and go re practice and I know they do a lot of other music that seem to support individual instrument progress. I mention DS had got is grade 8 horn with a great mark on MN and the comment " stealth practice?" was made LOL

{I assume she isn't heading for a career in music? If she is she should be very self motivated and determined at 11 really}

Ask the head of music:

What is your daughter's potential and how much progress has she made generally since she joined the school.

If she stops piano will it affect her scholarship.

Ask your daughter what she enjoys playing as it could be that she needs new pieces to challenge her as so many teachers seem to stick to exam material and not much else. Most normal 12 year olds avoid playing scales and arpeggios as it really is the boring bit of practise.

Personally I'd be delighted if all my students had natural ability and liked performing as so many don't!