Maternity Leave

[Mmolly2013]

I am going on Maternity leave soon. Currently working 35 hours per week earning about £1100 per month. Dh is on about the same.

When my maternity pay starts can i applying for working tax credits or anything else to help us out, as maternity pay means i will only get around £550 per month. So worried about how im going to live on that as rent is £300 each.

how does everyone do it

I only replied unfriendly because certain users reacted ina negative way from the first post which was uncalled for as I only as for advice not abuse.

I honestly don't think people have. All people,are trying to say, is that it is absolutely normal, and pretty much necessary, to pool finances once children are involved. That's how society works. One looks after children, one looks after finances.

Mmolly can't you see that being hell-bent on complete financial independence, and having to go drastically part-time to avoid childcare costs are mutually exclusive notions?

You're a partnership and a family. Of course he should be paying more in order to keep a roof over his baby's head and food in his child's mothers stomach.

You asked how people managed. When DH and I began TTC we worked out how much my income would drop and then we began saving to cover the shortfall. Eg my income on SMP will be £550. That is a very large drop from my normal income but we realised that our actual outgoings could be managed with much less. We are slightly different from you in that we pool our money but we added up our total outgoings and halved it. To make up my entire wage would have meant a lot of saving and we probably would have had to put TTC on hold but to bring SMP up to half our outgoings was a lot less. I wanted to stay off as long as possible so we also added 3 months worth of half the outgoings to cover when I would have no pay at all. We added up the shortfall for the months of SMP and no pay and that gave us a figure to aim for. We both saved money from both our wages (and actually DH added a large amount more than me because he works a second job at weekends).

I have no qualms about DH adding more. He contributed to making our child and he has no problems ensuring I can stay off to look after her. It never occurred to us to check if there was anything we could claim and in fact we completely overlooked child benefit until a friend reminded us last week. We had saved enough to cover us without so it came as a very pleasant surprise and we are very grateful for it.

We did discuss all this beforehand though so it did make it easier when I actually fell pregnant.

Like you I wondered how other people managed so I asked some of my friends and DH and I worked it out between us. We are very lucky that I will be able to take a year off but had we not planned and just waited to see what would happen there is no doubt I would have had to go straight back to work at the end of my full pay. I have to be careful with money but I don't have to ask DH for it. We put some of our savings in cash and left it in the house so I always have access to money which I can spend on whatever I need. I too would dislike having to rely on DH but we are a team and we both contributed to saving a joint pot to cover the loss of my wage. From talking to my friends it seems that most of them did a similar thing.

That turned out to be really epic. Sorry . I hope you manage to put a little aside so you get to stay off longer. It really does pass so quickly. Good luck!

The way we work is that DP has always given me an amount of money each month and when I was getting SMP he increased the amount by £200. I understand what you say about paying your own debts but paying a higher proportion of the rent and bills doesn't make you less independent. We saved money by cutting travel costs and shopping at Aldi. I used to take advantage of free stuff at galleries and museums a lot and go to playgroups. We had also saved a bit due to my decreased social outgoings whilst pregnant

Also when you go back to work you mention going part time to avoid childcare costs. Remember that these wouldn't just have fallen to you to pay and your DP may need to continue paying more than he does currently as you will have taken a cut in earnings.

The beginning bit was meant to say to cover and bills, my DP doesn't generally give me money for no reason

We did it by saving in advance. Sorry that's not very helpful at this stage...

Come to an arrangement where your husband pays all the bills; splits his salary; gives you money during the maternity leave etc...figure that out in a way that leaves you not feeling anxious.

Cut back on anything you don't absolutely need. Be really careful with your money, you'd be surprised how little you need. Join Amazon family and buy nappies through subscribe and save (cheapest prices I could find) and watch what you buy for the baby - take advantage of the NCT sales etc. Cook in batches (when the oven is on, make sure it's full) and use all the food you buy etc. Basic stuff.

Best of luck and congratulations!

Maybe you both need to assign a monetary value to the staying-at-home contribution to the family so that if you normally each earn £1,500 but your income will drop to £500, the staying at-home part "costs" the family £1,000 a month. Then you equally meet that "cost" either by taking off half the time each or by you staying at home (your "£500" contribution I.e a contribution worth £500) and your husband paying a real £500 extra into the family finances.

We have a joint account and each have our own account. We pay into the joint account so we're both left with the same in our sole account each month (so if we earn £2,000 and £500, the first partner pays £1,900 into the joint account and the second pays £400 leaving us each £100 to do with as we wish). We don't have to justify or explain the spending from our sole accounts but we agree spending from the joint.

We're each doing our best to earn as much as we can while ensuring the kids are well looked-after and at different points one of us might contribute more money while the other contributes more time.

Your circumstances are changing due to making a baby together. The financial impact of that is shared together.

You chose to get married so there is a legal contract there, aside from any moral points.

Joint liabilities, joint responsibilities, and hopefully joint family life, pleasures and happy memories to build (together).

If you want to feel more independent and that you are 'earning' your money and paying for yourself, why work out what 2.5 days childcare would be (for me about £125 a week) and accept your DH pays that amount more per week. Therefore, you ARE technically still earning and paying your debts.

When you go back to work how would you split childcare costs? If you would both pay 2.5 days a week then this is just the same as that. You are providing a service/job which is a legitimate paid for career. Are you also doing all the domestic chores? If so, bung an extra £50 on a week too!

I think you need to adjust your thinking/expectations about life as a family with a child.

The child is the responsibility of both parents. Your partner will benefit fro you being at home caring for the child while on maternity leave. In 'return' he will obviously need to pay more towards the household costs - which should include any of your outgoings.

I don't understand why you'd be more comfortable with claiming benefits that the household doesn't need, rather than allowing your partner to meet his full responsibilities. It just doesn't work that way. You're a family unit - not two single people making their own way in the world. That's the choice you've made, and it has inevitable consequences in terms of how finances are managed.

Me and my partner earn about the same, we have a lot of debt me more, when/if we have a baby (having ivf) I will lose £1,200 a month in pay, the plan is he will transfer me £600 so we suck up half the shortfall each, we split everything down the middle with bills/food etc

Can someone point out where the OP said her partner refuses to help? Because I somehow missed that. Can someone also point out where OP said she wants to apply for benefits on her income alone? Oh and also where she said the government should pay her debts while she's on mat leave?

Not putting words into her mouth or making assumptions? Bull. Some of you are being really unhelpful and rude without properly reading what OP is saying, just because it's in AIBU. That's ugly.

OP, start cutting things out you don't need now to save. You get 14 weeks full pay plus £550, if you claim mat benefit early you can claim this earlier and essentially have more than 14 weeks earning that much. Remember you also get "keep in touch" days (not sure if these are paid) which will help during months you really need it.

So basically the answer to my initial question is that everyone here gets partners to pay for more.

You say that as if we are all spongers! I don't get my DH to pay more: he offers willingly. Our take on things is that the house, children, money and marriage are all equally ours. We don't have debt other than the mortgage, but that is also equally ours. You seem to think that your way of enforced financial independence is somehow better, but how can it be if it is causing you stress?

As for your personal debt, if it's for purchases that he also benefits from, then I'd consider that a joint debt too.

I think you have to be realistic and consider that if you give up work to have a baby without paying off debt first or saving any money, then yes, it will be difficult for you to have a year off. You may have to go back to work earlier. That's not a criticism of your choices, just a reminder that many women don't have a full year and that your stress over money isn't insurmountable: it can be alleviated at any point after the baby is 6 weeks or so by returning to work.

Yeah im not overly comfortable with "get partners to pay more" I am a Sahm and i didnt have a job when i got pregnant (i had just finished my MA) He earns about 100 more than you will on smp and with your partner. i dont earn anything technically, but then again, I dont buy much for myself, he doesnt begrudge me a coffee or anything when I go out. We have a joint account and its joint money. Then again, thats how our family works, its not for everyone.

Redroom I had the same reaction to that post! Since we have been living together, I have picked up 60-70% of our joint costs as the higher earner, but yes, when I drop to SMP, he will pay more. That does not make me a sponger! Particularly as we will be sharing parental leave and he will take more of the SMP months than I will, so I will be supporting him for longer than he will be supporting me.