to be upset that none of our family will be here for DD's graduation?

[Settimia]

Two of my nephews have already graduated and the entire family came.

DD is supposed to be this summer. The dates were released a few weeks ago, everyone said how lovely, they'd definitely be coming... Now only one aunt (out of 8!) is still going to be here. It's so unfair. Even her godfather is going away.

I feel especially unfair for DD because MIL died on her birthday and no one ever wants to celebrate then. I was going to make a big buffet and have everyone here.

Well OP I agree with you. Of course your daughters going to be fed up. She's seen other family members achievements celebrated & now the same people can't share her special day. She must wonder why but I doubt the true reason will ever be given to her. As for the holiday thing, most graduations are at roughly the same time of year, so the family have managed not to miss two others... I really hope she isn't being used as a reminder of their grief, but you can't change others behaviour. Best you can do is make the day super special yourselves, letting her know how very proud you are. Hope it goes well.

We had 2 tickets for ds' s graduation. We went to the ceremony and the reception afterwards and then travelled home. In the evening ds went
on the lash out with his friends. It was a lovely day but I think anything more would have been overkill.

are they not celebrating achievements of other females in family?
you are talking about one side of the family
have both sides yours and her dad's declining invitations?

just ask parent of DN how they did it, maybe everyone booked holidays by the time you sent invitation and you can move it forward by few weeks?

I went for lunch with my parents immediately afterwards, then went out with my fellow graduates to the pub. My family probably sent a card but I think your nephews occasion was an unusual way to celebrate so not surprised it is not a regular thing. Holiday trumps graduation.

I was initially confused but now you've explained about her birthday etc I think YANBU. In fact I'd say fuck em and I'd consider not inviting them to anything else.

I is sad but they don't want to celebrate her birthday and graduation. I think you have to try and get over it but it shows how much they care ( not a lot ) sadly people can be a bit selfish, even family.

That said I ouldnt really expect people for grad but definitely her birthday!

Haven't read the whole thread but you were getting a bashing OP about it being overkill so had to post...

For my graduation I did manage to wangle a couple of extra tickets but still all my family came - parents with new spouses, grandfather, aunt and husband, brother (sister couldn't come as couldn't get time off work)

They were all so proud of me that they came, saw me in my gown, saw me after, we went for dinner, etc. It was a milestone to recognise my hard work, partly due to being first in family to go to uni, and a lovely day out for all. I should also add that they all travelled 100+ miles to be there.

I think graduation is a big deal and feel sorry for your DD that her family are treating her differently to her cousins.

So YANBU for thinking they might want to mark your DDs achievement and YADNBU if they did the same for your nephews.

Why is everyone saying what they did for their graduation, or that they wouldn't want to go to the ceremony, or it's two tickets only?

The OP knows that! The point of the thread is they'd all celebrated her nephews graduation after the ceremony together, and had invited them to do the same for her daughter. They'd all agreed but then have all dropped out.

I can't understand why you'd both be upset, particularly adding in the birthday issue which is ridiculous. I understand grief, but punishing a child for the rest of life is awful.

I can't think that doing that is going to improve family relationships, Infinity! It depends on what you want long term as to which advice you take.

Which was what I said- 'it depends on what she wants long term'. We are all different. I wouldn't have asked them in the first place! I think it is an occasion for parents and they are lucky she is doing it anyway- my DS1 had disappeared abroad and none of us got to go. We didn't hold it against him!

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but do you have extended family on your side? If your IL side refuse to celebrate her birthday, why not go ahead but just leave them out?