Thread about abduction fears. **Message title altered by MNHQ**

[SEmyarse]

Well, may as well, seems they're doomed anyway.

Dd2 is 7, there is a girl who lives just around the corner who she gets on very well with. She is 9. There are also a few other children she plays with who live in the other direction aged between 8 and 10. No-one lives more than 6 houses away. We live on a modern estate in a sleepy village.

We are quite happy for dd2 to play with any of these children, and call for them on her own as long as she asks, and tells us if she's going in anyone's house. The 9yo is not allowed to walk along the road unaccompanied however, and if we let dd2 go in that direction, her mum always brings her back telling dd2 how dangerous it is. Which annoys me. I tell her she mustn't go with someone she doesn't know etc etc, but I really don't want her saying it's 'dangerous' to just walk round the corner.

So either we go with her (which really annoys dd2) or send dd1 (12) with her. For a while she seemed happy with dd1 taking her, but then she started asking for a phone call if all 3 of them came back round here together. When I asked why, dd1 rolled her eyes, and the other 2 said it was in case a nasty man put them in a van! So we tried to phone and she didn't sodding answer! Even when we sent dd1 round to collect something, she insisted on accompanying her back saying it was dangerous. How does she think she gets to school?

A while ago she came round and said 'did you see on the police Facebook page?' no, why would I? Well apparently a child was attempt snatched in the next village. I took this quite seriously, and reiterated expected safe behaviour to the kids and kept a tighter rein for a while. I couldn't find anything on Facebook though, and since then she has alleged 3 more times about various snatching and suspicious behaviour, so I can only assume it's lies, since no-one else seems to know about it.

Several times I have heard the 9yo passing on tips from her mum to dd2 of how to deal with an abductor, and dd2 is very much looking forward to being able to bite someone's hand if he tries to take her.

It's very awkward because she'll bring her dd round to play, but then about 6 of them will want to go to the park, which I'm fine with, but this girl isn't allowed to go without an adult, which is really annoying when we wouldn't usually accompany our own child, if there's loads of them together. It's only at the end of the road.

But now I'm really bloody annoyed. The mum came round while I was at work to see dh, and with no preamble whatsoever started showing him some kind of compilation of videos supposedly of children being taken. Dh was so shocked that he didn't say a thing, but clearly the message is that we're shit parents, and our children will be murdered any day now!!

[infinitemonkeys]

Oh god. The professionally offended brigade has arrived.

[Itsfab]

MrsMautarin - what do you mean by "don't ask"?

[Itsfab]

Shit thread title is excused if the OP is "naffed off." .

[shellistar]

I know what you mean OP. My Auntie is forever sharing and reporting paedo activity on Facebook. She is seriously obsessed (and no, there is no history of abuse to cause the obsession) and I ended up blocking her. My thoughts on the matter were if she spent less time on Facebook sharing vile rumours, memes and stories and spent more time looking after her 9 year old daughter, who had a non-private Facebook page, with her Mums permission and knowledge, then perhaps she might not need to be so worried about the paedos!

[joanofarchitrave]

I really like this thread :)

All I can say OP is that there finally comes a time when all your children's friends can go out together without adults. In the meantime, I believe we have to suck it up and ask the children who aren't allowed to do stuff around less often.

[Itsfab]

Oh goodness, the innately stupid and lacking in empathy brigade has arrived.

[AMillionNameChangesLater]

Oh god. The professionally offended brigade has arrived.

In case you need it spelling out for you..

I was sexually abused as a child. By a paedophile (often called Paedo). So of course I'm fucking annoyed about the title.

If you had gone through something similar, or you knew someone who had, you wouldn't be so quick to say "professionally offended"

I really hope this x posts with an appropriate apology for being a twat

[Mintyy]

I haven't ever been sexually abused but I still find the title offensive. Couldn't give a hoot if someone writes me off as "professionally offended" for that.

[mysticpizza]

That thread title is vile.

[Uptheanty]

I've never reported a thread
. I reported this immediately, I don't think it's malicious or deliberately goady but I believe it's misguided.
The title is offensive.

[AMillionNameChangesLater]

MNHQ Thank you

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

We consider the thread title to be beyond the pale, and as such have changed it to something more reflective of the OP.

[MrsMaturin]

I think, if you read the OP in conjunction with the title, that it's quite clear what the Op's position is. She's ranting. Not in good taste I agree but do we HAVE to get het up over the title rather than trying to help her with this difficult situation?

Itsfab - 'don't ask' meant don't ask how it went when a mother tried to stop her almost adult son going to the loo by himself in case there were paedophiles in there. The answer is it went badly for everybody. What did you THINK I meant?

[LiberalLibertine]

So get dds friend to ring her mum when they all want to go to the park, ask her to come and collect her, you certainly shouldn't have to accompany her to the park if you wouldn't normally.

[Janethegirl]

I'd love to comment on this thread but I daren't as I'd get my head bitten off.

[desperatedino]

Thanks for changing the thread title HQ.

OP if you or anyone you knew had been abused you may not be so blasé about letting your dd out alone.

[SisterMoonshine]

I wouldn't look at this thread with the old title, so I think it was the right thing to change it.

[SEmyarse]

Apologies for the title. i know really it was in very bad taste, I was just very angry and ranty when I wrote it. She just makes me feel like I am deliberately leaving my children unsafe.

[SEmyarse]

Not that it makes a difference, but both of my brothers were abused by my dad.

[candycoatedwaterdrops]

Shellistar we don't tend to walk about with signs on our heads and many of us don't even tell our closest friends or parents, so don't assume you'd know.

[MrsMaturin]

So now the title is changed and the clearly upset OP has apologised, are all of you who came on to the thread to say it offended you now going to offer some support to the OP as her neighbour continues to insinuate she's a bad mother and therein undermines her parenting.........?

[SEmyarse]

Actually, it does make a difference. I think this is why I'm so irrationally angry that someone indirectly accuses me of failing to safeguard my children.