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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel completely embarrassed and to be crying after a driving lesson?

96 replies

sophierose1 · 13/05/2014 16:20

I have finally started to learn how to drive after many years of not having the funds to. Unfortunately I am not able to get insurance on dh's car because its a lease from work so I am going to have to rely on lessons alone. Today I had my third driving lesson and it could not have been more of a disaster.

For this lesson we went into town instead of quiet country roads like the previous two. I did everything wrong and I mean everything I couldn't even remember to put the handbrake completely down. Once I started to do things wrong I completely panicked and that really set the rest of the lessons tone. My driving instructor made several comments about how this was really embarrassing for me and told me how a man behind me was getting annoyed and was shaking his head because I was holding him up making me even more self conscious. As the lesson went on he was getting more frustrated and became snappy when I wasn't grasping what he was saying. I know he was joking and was just trying to push me but I became nervous about asking him questions and I don't think this is a good thing. I've come away from the lesson not even knowing what I did wrong at some points :/

I am really worried, upset and just really embarrassed and feel like I have completely lost all the little confidence I had. I honestly can not see how I am ever going to be able to do this I just don't think that my mind can concentrate on that many things at once. I know its only my third lesson but I can just see me getting worse and getting myself into even more of a flap. Has anyone else had any similar problems on lessons? how many lessons did it take people before it 'clicked' as people say it does?

OP posts:

LilacRoses · 13/05/2014 19:24

Hi OP, I learned to drive many years ago when I was 19. I was NOT a natural driver. I knew nothing at all! I made all kinds of silly mistakes, had no road sense, used to get into a nervous muddle etc etc. I thought I would never get the hang of it. It took my 3 tries to pass my test after more than a year of lessons. However, I have now been driving for 25 years with no problems at all. Change teacher, be honest with them and say you are nervous and have no experience at all. Good luck OP, I'm sure things will improve!

NormHonal · 13/05/2014 19:30

OP, I have also been there, done that! I failed my test horrendously (more than once) as a teenager because a) my instructor was rubbish, my Mum, bless her, just chose the cheapest one and b) I didn't do any driving outside of the lessons.

I spent my twenties filing driving under "can't do that" in my head and when DH did coax me into the driving seat, I got everything wrong and ended up a sobbing mess, every time.

Finally I resolved to pass my test before I was 30yo, found a great instructor (with a national driving school) and hey presto, passed quickly (the hardest bit for me the last time around was the theory test ).

Find a new instructor and make a fresh start. Good luck!

facedontfit · 13/05/2014 19:30

Change instructor - he sounds like an arse. Everyone has a lesson where everything goes wrong, he should be reassuring you not making you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps if you gave a clue to your location, people could make recommendations.

You will learn to drive, you will pass your test, you have just had a blip, it happens to everyone.

LilacRoses · 13/05/2014 19:30

I'd just like to add that having so many lessons was expensive and frustrating but once I passed my test I felt so confident right away, it was so liberating!

AngelsInWinter · 13/05/2014 19:35

Change instructors! My first was terrible. The first time I'd ever driven in town/been at traffic lights, I stalled. I went bright red and he got really pissed off and said "Yeah you deserved that!"

He also got me to drive him to his house (I didn't realise) so I could wait outside for ages while he took a shit... Oh and paid for the privilege!

meringue33 · 13/05/2014 19:45

Change instructors.

Don't be embarrassed, you can't possibly be as bad as me and even I passed eventually (5th attempt, many tears and many instructors later!)

On one lesson, I squashed a pigeon!

bobblehead · 13/05/2014 19:47

Definately change instructors. I passed my test at 19 but then didn't drive for over 10 years so after we moved overseas I started lessons again and this time saught out a female intstuctor. Lessons with her were just so relaxed and easy and I felt far less self conscious.

bobblehead · 13/05/2014 19:49

Oh and the first time around my instructor tried to talk me out of sitting my test (right before doing it). He was actually begging me to reconsider as he feared I would damage his car . God knows why I went ahead with it but I did and passed. First thing instructor said to me after was "how the fucking hell did you do that??"

Mitzeee · 13/05/2014 20:00

Driving is one of those things where clicking with the right instructor is sooo important. I ended up taking my test 5 times purely due to a combination of nerves and a bad instructor who served to MAKE me nervous. I COULD drive, I was fine when practising, but this instructor made me feel so crap about myself I was convinced I needed him to pass. I didn't. I found an amazing female instructor who didn't give a crap about impatient other drivers, me making stupid mistakes when panicking, or my hysterical omigoshimnevergonnalearntodriveever moments. I had a couple of hours with her, and passed next time. Now I look back at little me with a face that I allowed myself to be pushed around. YOU are the customer, YOU have the power. Driving WILL click for you I promise, just have faith in yourself!!

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/05/2014 20:08

You need a new instructor.

My driving instructor was annoying, but his methods worked. Like 1 lesson I didn't leave the test centre car park, but at the end of the lesson I could park in any bay. 1 lesson was reversing around a corner drive 10 meters up the road reverse around and back and forth.

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/05/2014 20:09

It did take me 5 times to pass, but that was nerves nothing to do with my instructor he was fab.

FaFoutis · 13/05/2014 20:18

I cried during my driving lessons, as well as after. I don't think it clicked until I was actually doing the test (passed second time).

Your instructor is a twat, find one that makes you feel confident and relaxed.

My last instructor was a bitchy gossip and didn't do much in the way of teaching, but she made me laugh. I drove into a field once and she just sniggered. If that had happened with previous instructors I would have cried (again).

DarkHeart · 13/05/2014 20:33

Echo what everyone else has said. I had an instructor like this and I really lost all confidence. As soon as I changed instructor although i still struggled and made mistakes i felt so much happier and did pass.

londonrach · 13/05/2014 20:40

Get a new instructor. Mine was lovely. It makes all the difference. I remember stalling for about what felt like 20 hours (two traffic light changes) on a hill about third lesson. My instructor calmly ignored the traffic building up and took me through what I needed to do until it worked.

ThingsThatShine · 13/05/2014 20:41

New instructor. He sounds a knob and shouldn't be humiliating you.

subtleplansarehereagain · 13/05/2014 20:47

OP, I've been driving more than 20 years and I regularly forget to take the handbrake off. My car goes quite well with it on, but makes a very odd noise!

Definitely change instructors. Doesn't matter how well recommended he was, different people learn in different ways.

mummytime · 13/05/2014 20:51

Get a new Instructor! - Trust me, I went through 5 in my years, and only and 2 needed to be sacked - they made things much worse.
You are not going to learn with someone who makes you nervous.

MysticMugBug · 13/05/2014 20:57

After a 4 year break (uni), i changed instructors to a lovely lady that specialised in nervous drivers.
She is amazing and laid back.
Previously, my old driving instructor was like yours. Together with that, i was a nervous wreck, i'm so different.
You do not deserve to be treated like that

bobblehead · 13/05/2014 21:05

and remember we all still mess up sometimes! I still won't reverse park as its too stressful, especially if there's a queue of cars behind me!

Rabbitcar · 13/05/2014 21:26

Change instructors. I had a horrid one for ages and failed, then a lovely one for a few lessons and passed. And never worry about anyone behind you. That's what L plates are for. Good luck OP.

PumpkinPie2013 · 13/05/2014 21:34

Aww have a and from me!

I learnt to drive at 17 and had some many disasterous moments!!!

Honestly, I think back to my learner days and wonder how I ever passed a driving test (did it 2nd time at 18)!!!

However, almost 10 years on and I've been driving with no problems since the day I passed.

Bad lessons happen to everyone because you're learning.

You need a new instructor though because yours sounds like an arse!!

As for the man behind - tough! We were all learners once!

I hope you carry on and soon feel more confident x

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