To feel completely embarrassed and to be crying after a driving lesson?

[sophierose1]

I have finally started to learn how to drive after many years of not having the funds to. Unfortunately I am not able to get insurance on dh's car because its a lease from work so I am going to have to rely on lessons alone. Today I had my third driving lesson and it could not have been more of a disaster.

For this lesson we went into town instead of quiet country roads like the previous two. I did everything wrong and I mean everything I couldn't even remember to put the handbrake completely down. Once I started to do things wrong I completely panicked and that really set the rest of the lessons tone. My driving instructor made several comments about how this was really embarrassing for me and told me how a man behind me was getting annoyed and was shaking his head because I was holding him up making me even more self conscious. As the lesson went on he was getting more frustrated and became snappy when I wasn't grasping what he was saying. I know he was joking and was just trying to push me but I became nervous about asking him questions and I don't think this is a good thing. I've come away from the lesson not even knowing what I did wrong at some points :/

I am really worried, upset and just really embarrassed and feel like I have completely lost all the little confidence I had. I honestly can not see how I am ever going to be able to do this I just don't think that my mind can concentrate on that many things at once. I know its only my third lesson but I can just see me getting worse and getting myself into even more of a flap. Has anyone else had any similar problems on lessons? how many lessons did it take people before it 'clicked' as people say it does?

Did you book the lessons through a school that the instructor is part of? Or is he completely independent.

I'd ask for your money back and find someone new.

Ignore any impatient drivers behind you. Yes it is frustrating to get stuck but most normal people just fall back and give learners space.

Is there any possibility of buying a cheap run around for a few hundred quid? My now DH bought me a car, so I could learn, the L plates were permanently on and I drove everywhere. The cost of doing it was really not that prohibitive as I was in my 30's.

In addition, you need to start practising for your theory and hazard perception now. You can get free programmes online.

This sounds so normal :) I had quite a few lessons like this I'd think I was getting the hang of it and then, DISASTER! And I'm be thinking things like 'I'm not cut out for this'; 'I can't do it'; 'I'm just not a natural driver'

All total rubbish. Stick with it and you'll get there, you'll have fab lessons and crap lessons but I also agree that your instructor doesn't sound great. I had 3 different instructors throughout learning to drive and there can be a huuuuuuuuuuuuge difference in how effective they are.

He is independent I am going to give next weeks lesson a go and tell him how I felt last time but if its still the same I will change instructors its too much money to waste when I feel I am not learning anything and just working myself up even more about driving. Max- I don't think there would be any chance of getting a car to learn in we wouldn't have anywhere to park it but I think the practice of being insured on someones car will be great for getting some confidence.

Maybe someone on your MN Local page could recommend one?

There is no shortage of driving instructors.

I had 3 before I found one who was thoughtful and sensitive (I was also in tears after my first lesson).

Drop him and try someone else.

Another yes to changing your instructor.

I couldn't get the hang of reversing round corners, no idea why, cried every time....

When it came time to do reversing, my instructor used to reach over for a box of kleenex, plonk it on the dashboard and say 'no matter how many times it takes, we're reversing round that corner'.

Could you go to somewhere like Arnold Clark where you can hire dual control cars for about £9 an hour. It may just help if you can't get on someone's insurance.

I was terrified of learning because my last attempt years ago was with a man like this (and a creepy hand-on-knee merchant into the bargain-lucky me!). I later got a female instructor who was calm, clear and so encouraging, and learned very quickly.

I think giving him one more chance next week is fair, but if he's no better change. And demand a refund.

Sophierose,
I have been in your position, and have to say your instructor sounds poor. Perhaps look around for a new one?
I passed first time a few weeks ago, I'm 37, and it took blooming ages......70 hours ish, spread over a year, two hours a week of lessons only, as I too couldn't afford practise in between lessons, in terms of time and as we don't have a second car.
Please don't be downhearted!! He sounds very impatient and unhelpful. I learned with the AA, and my tutor (ex army) was calm, positive and reassuring despite some terrible lessons!
If its any consolation, I usually didn't want to go to my lesson, due to the incredible concentration it took, cried after one or two, and spent all the time nervously sweating ...attractive ...due to having to focus so hard (tired, working mum of two).
You are not aLone! I would find a new teacher ASAP, and persevere. It's like my old tutor said, it's like eating an elephant....one bite at a time and you WILL get there.
Bit the fault lies with HIM, not you. That's very poor teaching.
All the best of luck...you can do it!!!!

I tried learning when I was 18. I had lots of lessons and passed the mock test the instructor did. But I was earning £55 a week as a trainee hairdresser and eventually just couldn't afford to continue. Eventually I forgot all that I learned. :(

Years later I booked an introductory lesson with an "amazing" instructor. This guy came highly recommended. Several friends had passed with him and swore by him. Unfortunately I came down with a terrible cold (I was 8 months pg too) and asked ( with two days notice) if I could reschedule. He refused. I told him how poorly I was and even dh asked him to reconsider but to no avail. Here is a list of "things" that occurred, went wrong, were said etc etc.

1. "Wow. You're massive."
2. "Stop here I need to collect a parcel."
3. "I only took this as a favour to your kid. I Prefer working with fellas."
4. As I was ill and not with it I stalled the car 5 times (didn't stall once while learning as a teen). He didn't notice though as he was on the phone. I felt sorry for the poor motorists stuck in the traffic building up behind me. Not one person beeped or was rude though. That made me feel a bit better.
5. He lit up. I have nothing against smoking but it's not very professional.
6. He made me drive to a petrol station and go in to pay.
7. He leaned over me to beep the horn either at other motorists or people he knew.
8. Refused to drive me home when I decided I'd had enough. I couldn't take anymore and pulled into the car park of the pub I worked in (and was off sick from).
9. Sprayed antibacterial stuff all over the seat, steering wheel etc while I was still in view.

10. Told my brother that I was a nightmare and up myself. :(

I had this fairly recently with AA - they have a long check list you have to score yourself on after every effing lesson. For the first 4 hours I was allowed to drive in a circle twice Prior to having DD I had been allowed to drive to the next town by my independent instructor! Basically this tutor eroded all confidence, and only the started me 'meeting traffic' on a busy road making me cross across traffic into a double parked one way road
I ended up in tears after 3rd lesson too - haven't got the nerve to go back yet. Want a new instuctor but sadly have 6 more hours with AA

I think many of us would admit to having similar horrible lessons when learning to drive. My first driving instructor used to scream at me and once actually grabbed hold of my leg to remove it from the clutch. I failed my 1st test whilst learning with him.
I then found a new instructor who was great and gave me a lot of confidence and I soon passed my 2nd test.

Have a coffee then find yourself a new, patient instructor - it will help your confidence enormously.

You def need a new instructor - you're paying him to treat you like rubbish!

I first learnt to drive when I was 17 and learnt for over a year (2 hour lessons once a week.) I hated it and felt exactly the same as you. One day I came in (after my third test) and said to my dad enough was enough and I gave up. Went to uni and got on with life.

Then a year ago, I started a job where it would have helped soooo much to drive. I decided to get on with it. Found a lovely instructor who was brilliant. Started driving again at the start of June and passed on 13th August. Best thing I ever did - keep going, you'll get there eventually!

Oh and I agree with others, if you can practice in between your lessons that would help massively!

Groove- I had no idea you could do that I will have to have a look into that. YourMaNo- That sounds awful he sounds horrible! I think that is what has made me feel I was overacting because mine was also so well recommended makes you think its you doing everything wrong not poor teaching.

It is comforting to hear that so many people have had bad experiences and found it difficult but have passed in the end. I think I am just going to have a glass of wine tonight and hopefully put it behind me and go out next week with a clear mind set of if its the same I will look for a new teacher.

If you can't cancel the block booking can you squeeze in a few with a better instructor first, to build your confidence a bit. Then use your block ones and then dump him.

I went from private instructor (who was lovely, but crap) to well known school of driving. The style of teaching was completely different and structured. worth every extra penny I paid per hour.

I still howled in several lessons with new instructor (blaming pregnancy hormones and immense frustration) but passed after about 4 months, first test. I never believed I would pass. That was 4 years ago, and I still haven't driven on a motorway, but I nip about the city streets without too much fear! good luck.

change instructors . I had the same issue i had a male instructor to begin with he made me feel so embarrassed when i did something wrong and wasnt the talkative type just made me feel uncomfortable to the point on a last lesson i booked he turned up and i hid and pretended not to be out lol this was 9 years ago btw lessons were alot cheaper . id actually had 2 driving tests with him as my instructor and failed both as he took me to areas i felt i wasnt confident enough and didnt know well and i certainly wasnt ready .
i then changed to another driving school and specified a lady instructor she was amazing made me feel at ease and confident .I took my lessons around the area i lived and found out there was a dvla test school nearby i passed first time with her

Do what i did change instructors you wont regret it

Wow! Your instructor sounds like an utter twat! Get rid asap! You're only 3 lessons in ffs. He sounds like a total bully tbh

New instructor. Simples.

My first driving instructor was a knob like yours, and it all came to head one day when I did something wrong (only had about four lessons by this point) and he swore at me. That was the end of the that one. Then I had an instructor who kept failing to turn up so I kicked that on the head, and my final instructor who was also an arrogant tosspot but by that point I'd passed my theory and was ready for my test. Thankfully I passed first time.

What I'm saying is that it's not uncommon to go through several instructors before you find a decent one. My last instructor was a cock, but he got me through my test. I think I'd have kicked him to touch as well had I been a complete novice.

Three lessons is absolutely nothing. And I can assure you I never get frustrated by newbie learners, Christ we all had to start somewhere. I remember it all too well.

Poor you! You are not the problem at all, you just have the wrong instructor. I got through about 5 before I found the one!! Seriously it was easier to find a husband.Good luck to you and I know one day you'll recount the tale of your early disasters with a smile, it really does get easier.

Aaw bless you we have all been there, I have so many embarrassing stories of learning to drive and one about a failed driving test too I can't eve count them. I also have some others stories about little embarrassing things that happened after I passed my test but I would tell anyone about that! Learning to drive takes a while, I think I was a good 6 months after I passed my test that I started to feel like I really knew what I was doing, don't get me wrong I was perfectly safe before that but I was still learning in a way even though I had passed my test.

Re: learning and lessons. I had two different instructor, the first one took it very slow with me saying things like "I can see you are going to be one of those who take a while to learn and pass" I felt patronised and he didn't push me enough, we never left the really small town I lived in in many lessons (can't remember how many now) and pretty much did the same circuit all the time. I cap hanged instructor and he was very different, he pushed me a lot and really told me when I was getting wrong (and right too so a good balance) and he would have been the type to comment about making other passages frustrated particularly if he thought I should have been able to do what he asked me. But I also remember him saying things like "don't worry about him begin he can wait" if I just needed a second to refocus and get it right.

I agree with other you might need a different instructor who suits you better or can communicate better with you, ie push you and tell you when things need to done differently/quickly or whatever but not make you feel like you are doing all wrong.

I have given friends extra practise when they needed it.

If they stall or make a mistake the best thing to say is 'don't worry about the bloke behind you/ take your time and don't get flummoxed/ she was a learner once'. Stuff like that..

I would not be giving a person like that my hard earned money.

I was confident of passing - but only because I had my ever patient and kind father teaching me until he felt I was ready. So, good idea to ask all friends and family. You'll look back and laugh about it one day!

Op I think I had your instructor! He took the piss, pushed me too hard at times and told me not only that I was annoying the people behind me but also that if they tried to overtake and died in a crash it would be my fault!

It was horrifying, BUT, I passed first time at the age of 37, after two lessons a week for two months. So much as I did want to throttle him at times, he did get me where I needed to be, and quickly.

I felt totally overwhelmed at times but just keep getting back in the car, whether it's with him or someone new, just keep getting back in the car.
I passed a few weeks ago and am finding driving on my own is soooo much scarier than driving with him was, as much as he drove me nuts I quite want him back next to me!!