To feel completely embarrassed and to be crying after a driving lesson?

[sophierose1]

I have finally started to learn how to drive after many years of not having the funds to. Unfortunately I am not able to get insurance on dh's car because its a lease from work so I am going to have to rely on lessons alone. Today I had my third driving lesson and it could not have been more of a disaster.

For this lesson we went into town instead of quiet country roads like the previous two. I did everything wrong and I mean everything I couldn't even remember to put the handbrake completely down. Once I started to do things wrong I completely panicked and that really set the rest of the lessons tone. My driving instructor made several comments about how this was really embarrassing for me and told me how a man behind me was getting annoyed and was shaking his head because I was holding him up making me even more self conscious. As the lesson went on he was getting more frustrated and became snappy when I wasn't grasping what he was saying. I know he was joking and was just trying to push me but I became nervous about asking him questions and I don't think this is a good thing. I've come away from the lesson not even knowing what I did wrong at some points :/

I am really worried, upset and just really embarrassed and feel like I have completely lost all the little confidence I had. I honestly can not see how I am ever going to be able to do this I just don't think that my mind can concentrate on that many things at once. I know its only my third lesson but I can just see me getting worse and getting myself into even more of a flap. Has anyone else had any similar problems on lessons? how many lessons did it take people before it 'clicked' as people say it does?

It took me ages to learn to drive - about one and a half years! I was 28 and it definitely did not come naturally. I consider myself quite a tough cookie, but was mortified to find myself crying in one of my first driving lessons because the male instructor was just horrible and exasperated with me. I needed someone who was really patient. I swapped and got a female instructor who was perfect and made me feel a lot more comfortable.

The empty industrial estate is a great idea, my Dad did this with me.

It gets you used to starting, changing gears, stopping, steering without having to worry about the other traffic. Is there anyone you could have a little practice with?

Your instructor's a dick. Fire him and get a new one.

Driving lessons are expensive. You don't shell out that money to have someone make you feel like shite.

Yep - get a different instructor. Some of them advertise that they specialise in teaching nervous drivers.

You also need to try to something positive from the experience - it reads as though you've only taken on board the negative things.

Even experienced competent drivers do daft things like crunch the gears or fail to take the handbrake off completely. It's not such a big deal .

Try to relax and it will happen! I didn't have the luxury of a car either and relied on solely my instructor. Oh in the end i had 6 instructors and 6 tests before i finally passed and the feeling was amazing! Don't be so hard on yourself!

The only people being unreasonable were the man getting angry and your instructor! Everyone has to learn so patience is needed.

I still get nervous driving in unfamiliar places and I passed my test over 5 years ago.

My brother was a very nervous driver and took a long time to pass. He hired a dual control car so our mum could take him out. This might help you?

We all have bad days so please don't dwell. Every driver will cock up sometimes.

Change instructors too!!

Oh poor you! I've just had one lesson and it was horrible so I feel your pain. I echo other thoughts in that you are paying this man, so if it's not working for you stop and get a new instructor.

I think it just doesn't come naturally to some people, it doesn't mean you should be embarrassed, keep at it and keep calm, we will get there in the end!

Good luck.

It is normal to feel like this and you will find your confidence again. Completely agree that you need a better instructor. I had 3, the first was great, but I moved and then had one who did not suit me at all, he was a middleaged bloke who talked constantly and was very patronising. My final instructor was a younger woman who was brilliant. Change until you find the right one.
It is irrelevant at this stage what the bloke behind is doing! However, I do think It is a valid learning technique to take you into a town centre early on, FWIW, my first instructor did this on lesson 3 and it was a bit of a break through for me, made it real and I was much better from this point, having been incredibly nervous at first. I learned late (35) and it took a year, but I am very confident now.

I passed my test at 17 in '92, so am very vague about when it 'clicked' for me I'm afraid.

I just wanted to post to say change your instructor if you don't feel like you are clicking with this one - I had 2 instructors in the end (iirc my first one only lasted about 3 lessons before I changed to a different one) I had a woman instructor from that point and she seemed to understand me better and gave me confidence.

Don't give up, it will all come good in the end and your confidence will build massively in no time - you'll look back in a couple of years and think wtf was I so nervous about.

Only your 3rd lesson, oh honey don't worry. Your instructor is not helping, change to another. We were all learners once so if the man behind was impatient, so what.

No, Y are certainly not BU. I remember the feeling all too well.
When you've calmed down, think about having a chat with your instructor and letting him know how you felt. If you feel he isn't getting the message, get yourself a different driving instructor!
I had similar experiences many years ago when I was too young to realise it wasn't all my fault - the instructor was just not suitable for a very nervous beginner. Remember, you are the customer and if you are not getting a service that suits you, you can change to a more suitable provider. Ask around and see if anyone can recommend an instructor with more empathy and perhaps more experience of teaching older(?) pupils.
Also, if you are learning in a manual car, it might be worth considering having some lessons in an automatic. That would make operating the car a lot easier and give you some space to learn how to use the roads as a driver, if you see what I mean. Whatever you do, don't give up! Think about how you'll feel when you can drive and about all the opportunities that will give you. If I can do it (and I really was pretty inept), so can you.
I wish you lots of luck and a happier time during your next lessons!

change instructors and tell the driving school why!

I remember with my BSM lessons (pricey but worth it, imo) someone behind me getting all arsey with me. My instructor stopped the car, we sat there for a couple of minutes blocking this bloke from overtaking me (down a narrow residential street FFS) and then told me to drive off. He said 'no-one intimidates my pupils like that'! Now that's the kind of instructor you want.

I can still (after 25+years) remember driving lessons leaving me feeling awful - and every single time I could feel the sweat trickling down my back as I tried not to panic, and my instructor was very nice!

Thanks for all the messages. The instructor came recommended through a close friend though she did grow up on a farm so she had plenty practice before she even started so I am sure she was just training out of bad habits with her lessons. I think I am going to ask some other family members if I can be insured on their cars my sister might be up for taking me out. I am extremely tempted to change instructors however we booked a straight block of 10 lessons as he had come recommended I never thought twice about it. However I will see how things are after these 10 and if he is still snapping I will see no choice but to get a new teacher I think.

You need a new instructor. If you're prepared to say roughly where you are then people here will be able to give you some recommendations, or if not then look for someone who specialises in nervous drivers.

A better instructor, book 2-hour also if you can (if you're not getting practise between lessons then IME you need longer lessons to help you cement your skills) and be patient with yourself and you WILL get there.

I think you need to say to him clearly at the beginning of your next lesson that you felt he was snapping at you, and it really was affecting your confidence.

If it still doesn't work, I would ask for the balance of your money and find a new one.

My brother and I used the same instructor. He passed first time after ten lessons; I was so messed up by the experience that I didn't try learning again for another ten years. We are very different people and needed a different approach.

I agree with everyone, your instructor is awful.

I started taking lessons well into my 30s and I was so nervous and a complete panicker. What you describe sounds just like me. I went through three instructors who were rubbish, putting me down and making me feel like I was a bit pathetic. One of them told me he expected me to take six or seven tests to pass, and compared me to someone who had cried the whole way through her lessons.

In the end I found a great one who never lost her cool and was always calm when i did something silly.

And yesterday, I passed my test! Second try! It is totally down to the instructor. You need someone who will build your confidence, not shatter it.

Is your instructor part of a company? If so, then you will be able to ask for a different instructor even if you've paid up front for a block of lessons.

If it's an individual, I think you could consider giving some feedback about his unhelpful attitude.

The situation you describe, of everything going wrong, will be familiar to the great majority of people who've learned to drive. It's complicated and at the beginning there are so many things to remember and do all at once. It's like mega-multi-tasking. I've had a licence for 30 years and still remember how difficult it all was in the beginning. Would you feel more confident with a friend or DH in the car with you and the instructor?

Keep at it, OP. Don't let this one horrible experience put you off.

NB I forgot to say, the instructor is a massive knob

Change instructor. I learned to drive when I was 35 and my DH refused to take me out for practice possibly a good thing as one of us would be dead so I had to rely on lessons alone. My instructor was an ex-police driver, and never once, in a whole year of lessons, did he raise his voice, tell me off or do anything other than comment calmly.
Even when I shot into the middle of a main road because I couldn't remember where the footbrake was, he simply instructed me what to do - and then took me down a very, very steep hill on my next lesson so that I would always remember
Despite this, I have come in from lessons, sat on the stairs and cried because I couldn't master the skill -- but guess what? I passed my test first time (not sure who was most surprised, me, my instructor or my DH ) and have since driven hundreds of thousands of miles perfectly happily - in fact I go for a drive for relaxation, something that I could never have imagined all those years ago
Keep at it - you can do it

loads of people sound like they have had similar experiences. I think maybe his technique would work with some people but he honestly just made me feel like an idiot.

I'm hoping that he will take into account how under prepared I was for the town next week and will just take me back to practicing basics. The problem is that once you start panicking you cant stop yourself. I think I am going to have a look and see if there are any instructors good at dealing with nervous drivers near me. Tortoise - I live just outside of Newcastle.