to want report this boy to the police?

[macdoodle]

Or at least the school....
DD1 is 12 in Year 7. As they do, she chats on FB/BBM/instagram. I know all her passwords, but she tends to show me anything she is worried about.
She showed me a message from a Year 11 boy on BBM (so he is 15/16, and must be closer to 16 if not already).
She says she knows him to say hi.
He says "hi", "do you send photos", she says "no", he says "ah loool why not", she says "its very disrespectful, and I have more respect for myself", he says "ok looool".
We talked about it, and apparantly lots of the boys ask for "photos", she is clear these are explicit photos of "boobs, bums and fannies" . And even more shocking, some girls do send them.....some of her friends in Year 8 do.
I am furious. I'd quite like to go round and smack his face. Luckily DD1 is smart and confident and obviously taken on board things we have discussed, but clearly other more vulnerable girls havent.
I have told her that what he is doing is illegal especially with much younger girls like her, and that I should report him to to police or at least the school (though I appreciate as this is happening outside school they may not want to know). She has begged me not to, says they will know its her and it will ruin her life. I am worried if I do, I will ruin our very good trusting relationship and she will never share anything with me again :(

Not me, no.

en-gb.facebook.com/help/210644045634222

Just to clarify, whilst GCSE's do indeed start tomorrow the vast majority of year eleven pupils have not left school nor will leave until at least the half term holiday at the end of this month.
Pupils are still expected to act as part of the school community until the day of their final examination.

I know it's old-fashioned, and probably not doable these days, but if you don't want your underage (esp preteen ffs) dc sexting, why give them a phone that's capable? Most social media can be accessed via family pc/laptop/ipad, so dc need not be isolated, and a phone only needs to be call and text (not picture) capable, for communications purposes. You can buy a basic payg for about £10-15, no sexting possible.

Maybe it's time parents take back a bit more control.

(Though I do understand about peer pressure etc, and my own dc are just old enough to have missed most of this shit.)

Just a bit of harmless fun.

You going to get a young boy put on the sex offendders register just for kids being kids?

YABU

Not to mention all those girls who have sent pictures will also be culpable under law for distributing images of a minor, it doesn't matter if it's of themselves. Do they deserve that? I think not.

Words need to be had with the boys parents though.

Yes, DCs are supposed to behave until after the last exam, but if a DC is on the C/D boundary or likely to mess up the FSM expected progress.

It's totally unethical to 'forget' to deal with things, but OFSTED's petty reasons for putting DD's school in and out of special measures (and their primary from good to satisfactory and back to good) were no better.

I would tell the school and let them decide what to do and I would do so even if my daughter didn't want me too. I would also try to get my daughter to tell me the names of any of the girls involved.

I teach about 40 year 11 lads this year.

They would take a decidedly robust view of one of their peers pestering a year 7 (a 12 year old) for explicit photographs.

Not harmless fun.

Probably not something the police can take action on, but definitely worth a word to school. Our Head of Y11 would certainly collar the 16yo youth & have a sharp discussion re: appropriateness of online behaviour likely to be construed as taking a sexual interest in a 12yo child, & possible consequences of him being sent an explicit image.

Because, to be blunt, if he sent that message to OP's dd, he's probably sent it to half of year 7, & at least a couple of them will have complied.

He & his hard drive could be in DEEP shit, tbh.

A 15/16 year old asking for nude photos is very definitely not 'kids just being kids' in my view. You can't get to 15/16 and not know that it is very wrong.

He didn't ask for nude photos - according to OP he asked for photos. The rest is assumption. There may be some truth to the assumption, but no evidence whatsoever.

I would definitely tell the school. I think they have more power to do something about this than the police, as there truly isn't a case against him if he didn't specify nude photos - though your daughter is right, and knew what he was asking for, that is exactly what is meant by 'do you send pics?'.

The school can handle it as they see fit, hopefully directly to the boy and on a more school-wide basis.

Well done on having a daughter who handled it so well, and one willing to come to you about anything questionable she comes across. You're doing something right, OP.

Modern day version of 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' and kids having some harmless fun is not how I'd describe teens exchanging explicit, once sent never able to retrieve, photographs of themselves.

How many mature, experienced, intelligent adults happily share photos on social media without any thought about where that photo may go, how many people will pass it on?

The teens who are doing this are not considering at all how far any image they send to another teen may end up going (and I'm just as concerned for those who send explicit images during their vulnerable, exploring, curious teen years who think they know where the images may end up)

As another poster said I'm so glad my formative years happened before the Internet. Thank god my past can only come back to bite me on the arse is the form of others memories and a few 'questionable fashion/hairstyle' photos

Make his dad give him a dozen of the finest, a good beating should learn him.

Bbm works by sending your pin, other people and yourself can broadcast your pin.

There is no personal information, no age in a profile.

I really don't see how this boy could have even known the op dd age.

Umm he's in her school he's sais hi to her in her friendship group he know what year she's in. He may not know her age which is one of the oldest in the year, as far as he knows she could actually still be 11 rather than going on for 13.

I would tell the school.
Hopefully your dd wouldn't get any flack because his peers would think him tragic for pestering a year 7 and they will now be on study leave so it should have blown over by the time he comes back if he's going to 6th form. He does need to be informed about the potential very serious consequences of his actions imho.

What actions, he asked for a picture from someone he speaks to in school who accepted his pin.

He didn't resort to calling her names are badgering her further, unless I am being dense I don't see what the problem is.

Yes some teenage boy ask for naked picture but to suggest every teen boy wants this is ageist

Now we want to have the older child (yes, he is a child too) BEATEN??

oiyou

And whoever said you just "Block them" and say no. It's that easy is it? God, some of you are out of touch

Yes it really is that easy.

Boy- can you send me a photo
Me- no

Settings, block, delete and done. Takes about 10 seconds.

I would ascribe the term 'dense' if you mean that he may have been asking for non pornographic pictures-his response to her reply about self respect proves that (as does my witnessing of many teen sexting horrors) because he would have asked what a picture had to do with self respect. He knew fine well why she replied in that way.

I meant he could get into serious trouble because if girls do send him pictures, he keeps them and continues to do this in a few months when he's turned 16, then he could end up on the sex offenders register and so on.

I don't think he's an evil monster. I think he's a misguided young man who is going down the wrong path and could be stopped by a stern word from his HOY or similar.

And no of course not every teen boy (or girl for that matter) wants nude pictures- I know lots who don't, but this one obviously did.

So from that very short conversation people want this boy reported to the police or beaten. He asked for pics ops daughter said no he said ok. The boys i worked with sent a general do you do pics to all the people on their various lists, not checking on age or sex.

I just don't understand why parents give their children Facebook and BBM and then act all shocked when this happens. It's absolutely what these things are used for.

Oh he didn't even ask for nudes, ffs I thought OP meant nudes.

OP's dd had enough context of this guy to know that when he asked for "pics" he meant explicit photos, not just a selfie. Her dd also mentioned that other girls her age had been asked the same and supplied explicit photos - that alone to my mind warrants contacting the school.