to want report this boy to the police?

[macdoodle]

Or at least the school....
DD1 is 12 in Year 7. As they do, she chats on FB/BBM/instagram. I know all her passwords, but she tends to show me anything she is worried about.
She showed me a message from a Year 11 boy on BBM (so he is 15/16, and must be closer to 16 if not already).
She says she knows him to say hi.
He says "hi", "do you send photos", she says "no", he says "ah loool why not", she says "its very disrespectful, and I have more respect for myself", he says "ok looool".
We talked about it, and apparantly lots of the boys ask for "photos", she is clear these are explicit photos of "boobs, bums and fannies" . And even more shocking, some girls do send them.....some of her friends in Year 8 do.
I am furious. I'd quite like to go round and smack his face. Luckily DD1 is smart and confident and obviously taken on board things we have discussed, but clearly other more vulnerable girls havent.
I have told her that what he is doing is illegal especially with much younger girls like her, and that I should report him to to police or at least the school (though I appreciate as this is happening outside school they may not want to know). She has begged me not to, says they will know its her and it will ruin her life. I am worried if I do, I will ruin our very good trusting relationship and she will never share anything with me again :(

This may not be the only dealings the Op's daughter has had with this boy, there may be info that means they can check his computer. They have had heard form other parents and need more to go on. Maybe this will just give them a heads up about the little perv. I don't know. But the police will, which is why she should talk to them about it. If they can't do anything then nothing happens...right? So where is the harm? Maybe they can even just have a little chat with the shit and see if he says something he shouldn't... or at least learns the consequences of grooming 12 year olds.

they may have heard

Isn't there a chance that a girl sending such pictures could also be in trouble, for making and distributing?

If he has indecent images of any child or young person stored on his phone or computer then he very definitely is breaking the law. Whether the police would be prepared to investigate based on the info in the OP I couldn't say.

I would definitely talk to the school. This sort of thing does seem to be relatively widespread and there is a massive lack of education about the legal implications for young people. I attended a lecture about it with about 40 child protection professionals and we were all shocked by what the law actually says. Even if he was asking girls of his own age he would be breaking the law and risking going on the sex offenders register.

there's nothing here you can report. He requested a photo on a photo sharing site.

He asked for photos your daughter said no. He didn't ask again.

I don't think it's all that bad, just a boy chancing his luck. ( not appropriate at all but social media makes it a different world now)

Your should be proud of your DD, proud of your relationship, honesty and trust. Keep her trust because there may be bigger problems in the future.

I don't know much about BBM but why has your 12 year old daughter added a 16 year old boy anyway, especially Knowing that he's got form for asking for naked pics?

He's a young boy, probably following 'the trend' he's not a 'shit' or 'perv' as far as we know oi

I agree a whole school assembly is required. Kids can inadvertently get in trouble and ruin lives by having access to this kind of thing, it's fairly new and needs regulating. Didn't have it when we were kids did we.

Asking for pictures from a 12 year old makes you a shitty perv. "trend or no trend"

And yes, some of us did have the internet when we were kids. And yes we had sleeze bags asking for shit then too

Why is your 12 year old on Facebook.

It either the Facebook rules have changed minimum age 13 or you have lied to get her a Facebook account.

It's not the internet or Facebook it's bbm

But its true Oi. Some girls and women do have no self respect and happily send pictures of their body to men without having to be asked. Sometimes it is young boys who are the recipient of such photos.

Police tend to follow a relatively softly-softly approach with teens when it is mutally agreed sexting and not outright grooming. In this way they are dealt with but do not get a criminal record. The police are well aware of the fact that those making and sending the images do not generally realise they are breaking the law. Many areas now have Safe School/Safe Communities partnerships where the police do not take a heavy handed approach to dealing with sexting. They do however encourage it to be reported because children need to be protected from theselves over the production of these images. Whilst the common line of 'everyone is doing it' may be relatively true, that doesn't make it right, desirable or something we want to accept as 'normal'. Digital images don't go away and children can be haunted by these images for years and it can ruin their lives.

The OP does state in her first post that her daughter uses FB too.

And oi we can use the same words 'sleaze bag' and 'shitty perv' to describe the girls sending this filth.....can't we?

I would speak to his parent first, hopefully they will explain to him what he is doing is wrong.

However the BBM only asks for a picture, nothing specific.

Of course its not right. But since young children are allowed to have sophisticated phones, ipads, laptops ect from such a young age then this sort of thing unfortunately happens. Its getting harder for parents. When my children were younger I did not let them have access to the internet until they were at least 14 and then only in the family room. Nowdays you cannot watch your kids usage and what sites they are on because they have these sophisticated phones and devices.

I would talk to DD about what you do before doing anything, even if she doesn't want you to do anything wig honest will help maintain trust. But if DD has said that lots of boys do this the school probably need to be made aware it's an issue. I imagine if everyone knows it's common place that many of the photos aren't being kept private either! You could even go to the school without naming the boy in question; they can try to deal with the general trend but there's nothing for him to link it back to who "told on him"! Plus the boy involved hasn't actually asked for nude photos so whilst I'm not an expert I can't see the police or even school would/could do anything more than a talk with him in particular.

Also congratulate DD, many kids would say yes, or even if they said no wouldn't be so clear or mature about why.

They would, under these circumstances, have no problem getting a warrant as they would have sufficient evidence that he had broken the law.

What rubbish!

He's following someone (who has accepted him as a follower) on a photo sharing website.

He says "hi", "do you send photos", she says "no", he says "ah loool why not", she says "its very disrespectful, and I have more respect for myself", he says "ok looool".

Where is this 'sufficient evidence' you speak of?

I didn't say from her phone they would have the evidence. I said they could have it from questioning other potential witnesses and from their phones gather sufficient evidence to obtain a warrant.

Why are you trying to pick a fight by misrepresenting what was said?

I'm not trying to pick a fight. I'm just trying to inject a little common sense in amongst all the rubbish.

School kid asks another school kid if they send photos. Other school kid says no.

There are not enough Police on the planet to investigate this sort of thing every time it happens.

It's the 2014 version of 'You show me yours and I'll show you mine'.

Adopt, they would have to get a warrant and from this little bbm chat no warrant would be issued.

Girls either have some self respect or they don't.

Nice bit of victim blaming right there.

"There are not enough Police on the planet to investigate this sort of thing every time it happens."

Obviously.

Does not change the legal facts:

Soliciting explicit photos from under 18's is against the law. (Not saying you can prove this from what he wrote, but that is the law).

Sending explicit photos is against the law.

Receiving them is against the law.

Possessing indecent images of under-18's can be considered possession of child pornography. That is a criminal offense and can lead to jail time.

A 15 - 16 year old asking 12 year old girls to provide pictures is something the police would most definitely take seriously and investigate.

It would not be difficult to establish the legal requirements to search his home, computer, phone etc.

A criminal complaint will be investigated by the police.

Those are the legal facts.

It is way beyond 'you show me yours' because digital images circulate and circulate quickly and forever.

Flashing your bits at someone behind the bikesheds was pretty much private and deniable 20 years ago. Children do not generally understand the permanance of digital images, the way perverts will seek to groom them etc. Once the image is sent it is uncontrollable and can be posted anywhere, any time.

That is why parents, schools and the police do take sexting seriously - because children need to be protected from themselves until they have the sense and maturity to protect themselves.

Wow ok this has moved on a little more than I expected.
To clarify, this was a BBM chat, she does NOT have him on her FB or instagram. Yes she has FB, since she was 12, she will be 13 in September. TBH I am not going to get into a debate on my parenting decisions.
Whilst I am proud that she is mature and confident enough to deal with this, some of the girls she says are sending photos are clearly not. These are 13 yr old girls sending explicit photos of breasts and vaginas, which are then being shared/shown around.
How on earth anyone thinks this is acceptable or the fault of the 13yr old girls involved is quite beyond me, and I can only imagine they dont have young teen girls.
As I said I will discuss this with a social worker in a general way. I am not prepared to damage my relationship with DD.