Why are the richest always the tightest?

[KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn]

I have friends from all backgrounds. I myself had a middle class upbringing, but both parents are very working class and proud. We were always raised to have respect for money etc

In life I have met some very rich people, at uni my best mate was the richest girl there. She was lovely, but very stingy with her cash. Not with me, I just mean in general.

One of my other mates is also very tight fisted, yet shes bloody loaded. Most of my mates who are normal to skint are very generous and tip Etc.

We are comfortable, not loaded though. I am generous and tip and certainly not a 'taker'.

Its seems the biggest 'takers' in life always see to be the rich. They think nothing of coming over time and time as in for tea/ borrowing money / but never invite people to theirs. Try to dodge outa payin for their share of meals etc.

AIBU to think that rich folk often seem rather tight? Is this why they are loaded!

Some additional explanations of why well-off people may seem tight even when they aren't. (Though of course one can be well-of and tight.)

1. The amounts/things you are keeping track of are to small for them to monitor, they haven't noticed they're in the red in your mental account. (I often see money-related AIBUs that I couldn't have written, because I wouldn't have noticed that someone was being "cheeky", or cared if I had noticed.)

2a. They have a different view of money. If you are poor and expect always to live hand-to-mouth, I suppose you may regard any money you don't need before the next pay-day as expendable. On the other hand, if you are well-off enough and of a mind to have an important savings target, for example a £500,000 mortgage you're not confident will be paid off before your job is outsourced to another country, every unnecessary penny spent on something else is a failure to be guarded against. (Though both poor and well-off people can be savers or spendthrifts, so this is as much about outlook as wealth.)

2b. It is illogical for anyone in debt or with an unmet savings target to be giving money away. If you have a mortgage, or don't know that you can pay for everything you'll need for the rest of your life out of savings, perhaps you shouldn't be giving to charity. (Was it Joan Rivers who joked that she didn't know what she could spare, as she wasn't dead yet?) (Though maybe this is an outlook more prevalent among people who haver never considered relying on anyone else, including the state, for their income. I grew up in a country without a social security system, and avoid poverty with the same dedication I devote to avoiding death.)

1. If you get to a position in life where you can afford to give money away, it's extremely unlikely that you will give it to a cold-caller knocking at your door. The intellectual rigour you devoted to accumulating money will be devoted to giving it away, you will choose who to give money to, not chuck random amounts at people who happen to knock on your door. (See Bill Gates.)

you can't really generalise. me and dh are both self employed and have to be careful as our work is quite seasonal. ..it's feast or famine as they say. We have a cushion of small savings and give to a couple of charities by direct debit. but yes sometimes we do splash out on something if work has been good eg a really nice holiday but then we might have to be very frugal for the following few months. I think all our friends in more stable jobs understand that though so I hope they don't think we are tight. ..we always pay our way and tip etc when we go out.

Some very rich are generous. Lovely old gentleman in our city self made has given so much away to benefit the area built wing of art gallery, extended local college. Met him at an event and he gifted £10k to dds state primary didn't want any fuss.

I generally think tipping is a key determinant of whether someone is simply careful or selfish. Not tipping when someone is on min wage and no service charge is cheap and selfish and therefore tight.

This is simply not true.

Do you tip every time you go through the Tescos checkout because the person serving you is probably on minimum wage?

Do you send your child into school each day with money to give the lunchtime controllers a tip because they are on minimum wage?

No, I thought not.

Tipping is something that should be done as gratitude for exceptional service, not something that should be expected. I agree that when paying a bill of £500 for a meal a tip should be given if the service has been good, but I've never known of an expensive restaurant where a businessman would take clients that doesn't include service charge as part of the bill. High end restaurants nearly always put at least 12% service charge on the bill as standard, in which case there is no need to tip extra.

Because nothing matters more to rich people than their money!

The people in my nct group all come from very privileged backgrounds and are very well off. The are also the most 'I'm alright Jack' unsupportive bunch I have ever come across. I have wondered if this is due to them expecting everything to go their way as it always has. Or maybe they are just individuals who are like that.

I'm always a bit suspicious of people who throw their cash around in public displays of wealth. I'm well off but would hate to be thought of as flash.

I think LurkerSpeaks description would fit me too. I am generous but I would hate to feel used.

We have more cash than any of our extended family and it's very noticible that some people think we should always be the ones paying for everything all the bloody time. It's really irritating. My BIL and his wife have had a few large loans from us, including a last minute desperate request for money (a lot) for their very fancy showy wedding. They never paid us back but managed to do work on their house and go on holiday. They have never paid any of their loans back to us. They have no shame. The wierd thing is that, I think, they think we are mean. Yes we can afford it but it doesn't mean I want to pay all the time.

Sorry, I'm ranting...

I could go on...

Anyway OP, I think YABU to think the rich are the tightest, it's as wrong saying the poor are the bitterest

Nosleeptillbedtime. They sound awful. I'd get myself a new group!

Fraidycat, I totally disagree with your point 2b. If you think it is 'illogical' to give money away if you have any debt (including mortgage!) or unmet savings target, then pretty much no one would give money away as they would never meet your extraordinary criteria!

I think the clue to why you have this attitude cones from your terminology. I don't regard giving to charity as .
'giving money away'. I regard it as paying into a better society, combating cruelty, combating injustice. I don't think of these decisions as dictated by logical or illogic but by the more human emotions of empathy and fairness.

Sharon, I have!

I'm well off and I never give money away to people at the door, because I am very very very careful about money. We were on benefits when I was a child and I will never hand over cash on a whim. It's far to easy for the foundations to be kicked out of your life and to suddenly find yourself unable to pay the mortgage.

That's not to say I don't donate, but I do it direct to a charity via cheque or direct debit, and only after confirming the charity's details on the Charities Commission website. I'd never give money on the doorstep unless I was expecting to (e.g. I know when the Rotary Club 'sleigh' will be round at Christmas).

I also won't buy things I don't really need (because I object to excess buying both because I don't want to spend money I don't need to, and because I view buying stuff I don't need as environmentally irresponsible), and if I can avoid paying full price I will (because that's how we were brought up). I mend the family's clothing myself, repair furniture myself, cook from scratch where possible, etc. It's just good money management.

I also refuse to buy or accept rounds because I hate being indebted to anyone and that sort of thing never works out equally, which leaves me worrying about whether I owe anyone.

I do find it interesting how it is perfectly acceptable to slag off "rich people" and not those on benefits.

YABU to generalise

My Dad is very wealthy and has some eccentric habits around saving money and overall is mean

My best friend is wealthy and they are generous and thoughtful , she's always got her wallet out first to pay for lunch.

I agree though people will often assume it's fine to borrow money and not pay it back or other people to foot bills if they are well off. I was temporarily rich and my DB was happy to accept or orchestrate hand outs left right and centre. Horrible.

YABU to generalise, but I do get what you are saying.

Everyone's definition of "tightness" is different.

My parents are pretty wealthy but hate giving money to charity. So DS was collecting for Lepra ( have to say I fundamentally disagree with children being press ganged into chugging their nearest and dearest however worthy the cause) and my DM & DF only gave a couple of pounds - but then gave DS £10 for himself. So on the one hand they were a bit tight, but on the other incredibly generous.

I tend not to sponsor too many people for charity events unless I a) like the person and b) like the cause, but I sponsor a child with a monthly contribution. Does that make me tight?

Interesting thread.

Owl, loads of people think it is okay to slag of those on benefits! Have you never heard of the daily mail?!

I dunno but think that perhaps it is precisely because they are taught to respect money that they don't go splashing it about. Isn't that the best way to spot a nouveau riche - brand new car and flash with the cash?

Buying rounds and things shouldn't be included in that though, that is just being tight

Owl, loads of people think it is okay to slag of those on benefits!

Not on Mumsnet.

I was only talking about MN but didn't make that clear. On MN is is actually perfectly acceptable to slag off the "rich" but those on benefits are a protected section of the community.

I have asked for my post to be pulled down. I regret posting this and feel awful about judging a friends behaviour so openly. I have reviewed others comments and it has made me think a little harder about myself and my expectations of others. If people are 'tight' it is none of my bloody buisness and I shouldn't get so self righteous about it. I no longer feel in the spirit if this post.

Basically, live and let live is my motto from here on in :) Thanks everyone who has commented thus far.

I think meanness crosses the divides too. My FIL was unspeakably careful but generous in thought; MIL on the otherhand is positively a skinflint and mean in thought.

I don't think you can generalise and I'd also be quite interested to know how wealthy is being defined on this thread. I know many people who look as though they are living incredible lifestyles and I mean £2/£3 million houses, two year old shiny 4x4 volvos, lovely holidays and wardrobes but who underneath the facade have unbelievable levels of debt.

Oh god yes.
When I was poor I was a lovely warm generous person - salt of the earth and kindness personified.
Now I am well off I am a massive cunt and I regularly kick puppies.

Because, you know - that's what people are like

[true fact]

I think British people, in particular, can also be very cautious of looking flash or embarrassing others with shows of generosity. I was out the other night with a group, and we had a couple of bottles of champagne (between 10 of us). The bill came, and one of the girls, who is a partner in a city law firm, just paid the whole bill and said "my treat", which was generous of her, but some of the other girls felt very uncomfortable about not paying their share (possibly because they knew they couldn't afford to reciprocate), and were pressing their share of the cash on her. So I think sometimes it can backfire.

I also find that if I go to lunch and just let the bill be divided up then I am fucking stingy and mean.
If I go to lunch and pay for everyone then I am a flash twat who thinks she is better than everyone else.

Agree wholeheartedly. I grew up in a working-class poor household. My mum used to feed all the local children with her baking. Many were even poorer than us.
On our wedding day we received a much smaller gift from our qc barrister cousin than we did from our lorry driver one.
This continues now with birthday gifts. The child whose mum is on benefits gave 3 times as much as the family with two working parents. I was actually embarrassed to take it.
Although tbf both my working class parents and dh middle class ones have been equally generous towards us and our siblings. Dh is also generous too.

Exactly.
X-posted with CharityCase.

Pag

It's all true. When we raised the money to buy our factory, we didn't work out arses off to look after our staff and pay them a living wage and good bonuses at all.

We charged them for loo roll, but them all on zero hours contracts, and fifty hour shifts and hit their mums with sticks.

After years of being stupidly skint things are looking up and I can't wait to start kicking puppy's and stealing biscuits.

Of course now we are not poor we've had to quite rightly downsize the television, stop randomly putting new cars on the drive and sublet the goat.

Bill Gates - tight fuck
Warren Buffet - skin flint.
Fuckers.