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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a thank you would be nice?

72 replies

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 14:38

I'm getting a bit pissed off here and need a metaphorical shake out of it, or indeed told I ANBU.

About a week ago a friend asked me to have her two ds overnight for the coming Friday (last night) so she and her partner could go out. I agreed. Then the next day she upped the ante by asking if I'd be able to go and pick her sons up from their CM for the sleepover (which necessitates a 15 mile round trip for me) because she wouldn't have time to come home from work, bring them over then get out on time (early start). I was a bit taken aback because it's hardly round the corner but agreed as I could see it would be difficult for her otherwise. Her DP was in meetings so couldn't help out.

Then yesterday morning I get yet another request, would I be able to go to her house so her dc could collect his iPad to come to mine? I did that for them, brought them back to mine, chaos and excitement ensued with five dc in total - we eventually got them to bed after 10.30pm and DH and I went to bed soon after, shattered.

They were due to collect the boys at 9.30am. Eventually just after 11am the DP pitches up, we have a brief chat and that's it.

I have heard naff all from my friend. Not last night to ask if everything's okay. Not this morning to say thanks: nothing. If that was me I would've turned up (or sent DH if I was ropey) with a bottle of wine, or flowers/chocs, to show my appreciation for running round after her dc and having them overnight. I haven't even had a bloody text. AIBU to feel pissed off and would you say something?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 10/05/2014 14:40

I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't do it again. Not a chance.

Groovee · 10/05/2014 14:40

Next time I would say no!

A thank you of some sorts would have been welcome.

Catnuzzle · 10/05/2014 14:42

I'd be really annoyed. I always view it that if someone is kind mad enough to have my kids for me, overnight or an hour or anywhere in between, that it is my job to ensure they have as little work to do as possible whilst looking after them. I would NEVER dream of asking for someone to collect them or their things. I wouldn't be helping her out again.

IkeaFurnitureAssemblyChampions · 10/05/2014 14:43

Give her just a little more time to be sure, but YANBU. Coming late to pick them up was really not on, either.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 10/05/2014 14:43

HOw is your relationship with this friend more generally? Is she a taker or is this a one off? I'd be pretty cross either way but it might affect my next steps….

BillyBanter · 10/05/2014 14:46

There is time yet, I suppose. If nothing is forthcoming then either tell her that you are disappointed or refuse next time she asks.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/05/2014 14:50

I would be stewing about this but I doubt I would say anything.

She would go on my 'shitlist' never to do another favour for.

She's rude and lacks bloody manners!

gobbynorthernbird · 10/05/2014 14:50

Is your friend's DH incapable of saying thank you? I'd assume that my DH would thank a friend on our behalf (and buy wine/chocs/flowers) if he were the one who was seeing them.

RedRoom · 10/05/2014 14:50

YANBU. Bloody rude!

NormHonal · 10/05/2014 14:52

YANBU.

I did some emergency childcare for a friend recently, not for the first time, and a casual "oh, thanks" really didn't cut it this time. It was immediately followed by a request to borrow something from us. It's opened my eyes to the fact that my friend and her DH are takers.

I won't say anything, but won't be offering to help again.

Nancy66 · 10/05/2014 14:55

clutching at straws but is there a chance of something turning up next week? Flowers, card etc?

Vinomcstephens · 10/05/2014 14:59

Can you just clarify something please: when your friends boyfriend came to pick the children up, did he say thank you? I'd find it very hard to imagine him arriving and NOT saying thank you...so presumably if he thanked you, why would your friend feel the need to?

Original poster
MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 15:00

Well her DP pretty much said Everything ok? Cheers. He was talking to my DH about something else in the main. I think if I'd been the one to ask my mate to do several favours in a chunk I'd thank her personally. A quick 'Cheers' to her from DH wouldn't be good enough.

I have other mates who I could probably rib and say "Hey you're taking the piss aren't you? !" but this one, although a good friend, is a bit touchy and would probably be huffed if I said that.

I know there's time yet but still, a quick text this a.m to say X is on his way, thanks so much for last night, hope they were good, wouldn't have been difficult.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 10/05/2014 15:03

Agree, just don't help again

HermioneWeasley · 10/05/2014 15:04

Oh, and make sure she has your DCs to return the favour!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/05/2014 15:04

If it had been a drop off at your house without the running around then a 'cheers' from the DP would have been enough for me.

However, the running around after her dc's and the later than planned pick up means that I would expect a personal thanks from her, she's your friend after all and you've done a lot for her.

Original poster
MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 15:09

I know, I don't expect fawning gratitude and we've had each other's older dc sleeping over loads. In those cases it is a breezy 'Thanks!' from both of us. Her younger son is a bloody handful though who will not settle down and it was pretty fraught tbh, especially on a Friday night when you're knackered anyway. That, on top of the taxiing etc, made it feel over and above the call of duty.

I just wish I could think of something to day that wasn't PA, or bitchy, or pompous!

OP posts:
Original poster
MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 15:10

...something to say, not day.

OP posts:
Original poster
MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 15:12

Yes,Hermione Wink.

OP posts:
pricklyPea · 10/05/2014 15:21

I agree with Catnuzzle, having your children stay with people should be made as easy as possible for them. This is a joke.

rowna · 10/05/2014 15:36

What a cheek! Yes I'd have expected at least a verbal or texted thank you so much type of thing and an offer to return the favour.

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/05/2014 15:39

Maybe she is in bed with food poisoning.

evil laugh

pictish · 10/05/2014 15:40

Give her time I say. Maybe she has got the mother of all hangovers?

UnderIce · 10/05/2014 16:20

I had a "friend" who did this to me quite frequently. Asked me to babysit her 2 DCs (and they weren't the "easiest" of children) at the last minute, drive her to A&E for the tiniest sniffle. I always helped her out and she never, ever thanked me or gave me as much as a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. Tin lid was when I asked her to look after my dog for 1 night (no issue with dogs, she has one and the dogs "got along") and she said "no". I was utterly gobsmacked and realised she was a complete taker. I distanced myself after that.

Original poster
MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 16:20

She probably has got a hangover. Maybe she had a KFC at the end of the night and has now got food poisoning Wink.

I dunno, I guess even with a mighty hangover I've still been able to feebly press a few buttons on my phone to send a text.

Ah balls to it. No point stewing over it now, I'll just know not to be so obliging in future.

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