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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a thank you would be nice?

72 replies

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 14:38

I'm getting a bit pissed off here and need a metaphorical shake out of it, or indeed told I ANBU.

About a week ago a friend asked me to have her two ds overnight for the coming Friday (last night) so she and her partner could go out. I agreed. Then the next day she upped the ante by asking if I'd be able to go and pick her sons up from their CM for the sleepover (which necessitates a 15 mile round trip for me) because she wouldn't have time to come home from work, bring them over then get out on time (early start). I was a bit taken aback because it's hardly round the corner but agreed as I could see it would be difficult for her otherwise. Her DP was in meetings so couldn't help out.

Then yesterday morning I get yet another request, would I be able to go to her house so her dc could collect his iPad to come to mine? I did that for them, brought them back to mine, chaos and excitement ensued with five dc in total - we eventually got them to bed after 10.30pm and DH and I went to bed soon after, shattered.

They were due to collect the boys at 9.30am. Eventually just after 11am the DP pitches up, we have a brief chat and that's it.

I have heard naff all from my friend. Not last night to ask if everything's okay. Not this morning to say thanks: nothing. If that was me I would've turned up (or sent DH if I was ropey) with a bottle of wine, or flowers/chocs, to show my appreciation for running round after her dc and having them overnight. I haven't even had a bloody text. AIBU to feel pissed off and would you say something?

OP posts:

Original poster

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 16:22

Sorry xpost UnderIce that is shit.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 10/05/2014 16:25

Blimey what a cheek....

You know what to say next time!

OldBagWantsNewBag · 10/05/2014 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladygracie · 10/05/2014 16:30

Normally I would agree with you about texting while hungover but the last time I was hungover even reading a text made me vomitty. So maybe give her a little longer. Or she may think that her dp has thanked you profusely.
YANBU to expect a thank you at all but as she had no qualms about asking you to do all that extra running about then maybe she has a different idea about what is & isn't acceptable!

BillyBanter · 10/05/2014 16:39

Maybe she said to her returning DH 'did you remember to thank margot?', 'um, yeah, yeah I did. definitely'.

puntasticusername · 10/05/2014 16:40

Is there any chance that she and DP had some overwhelmingly urgent personal situation to deal with yesterday - eg relationship in crisis, a "right, on Friday night we sit up for as long as it takes and talk this out" sort of thing?

Otherwise I can't immediately imagine any scenario in which it would be understandable for her to forget to thank you for your help. And even then, I would still expect the thankyou to be forthcoming at some point soon...

Gurnie · 10/05/2014 16:52

I agree with you OP, however, I have been guilty of jumping to conclusions a little too quickly and then being proved wrong in a day or two. If I were your friend I would have been effusive in my thanks, you did her a huge favour, that was a mammoth amount of fetching and carrying and on a Friday night when you were all tired.

I'd leave it for today or might possibly send a text saying "Did you have a good night out?" and then see how she responds. Hopefully she will either say "Oh god, I feel so ill but thank you so much for your help!!" If not and if you don't get anything in the next day or two you know she is just very ungrateful. I would definitely not put myself out for someone like that again.

FunkyBoldRibena · 10/05/2014 16:55

I couldn't have left it.

I'd have texted 'how was last night?' and if she said 'fine thanks' I'd have said 'Oh, see I drove 15 miles out of my way, back yours, looked after your kids, you were late picking them up and you can't even be arsed to say thanks. I thought you must be in A&E or something but no, you are just a user. Cheers'.

cjelh · 10/05/2014 17:05

I think that until a little more time has passed its a bit early to condemn her, but would like to think I'd be able to say something to prompt her 'the traffic was manic picking up your dcs friday, I was exhausted when I got in' 'hope you had a good weekend I was run ragged'. But leave it a few days in case she has something lovely planned as thanks.

Mrsjayy · 10/05/2014 17:08

cheeky buggers , you run round ragged and just a brief chat nah i wouldnt do it again, why are some people selfish and ungrateful

Original poster

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 17:10

I think we'd end up never speaking again if I sent that Funky although I am tempted. I'm thinking along the same lines as Gurnie, in that I might just send a message asking if she had a good night, or if she's still alive!

I seriously doubt there would have been a big relationship crisis or anything like that.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 10/05/2014 17:14

some folk are just thoughtless, I know a few people like that baffles me the expectations of them can you just do this or do that without batting an eye

Original poster

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 17:16

I reckon she's probably got rat arsed last night because they were out early, and is still suffering. I'd be really disappointed to think she would happily be as bad mannered as this, because she's pretty normal usually!

If she doesn't get in touch in the next couple of days I will be contacting her to ask her to have all of mine for an overnighter to return the favour. And I'll give her a bottle of wine "To show my appreciation" and see if she clocks the subliminal message .

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 10/05/2014 17:18

you need a list of chores and pick ups for her to do as well

Gurnie · 10/05/2014 17:20

Hope she redeems herself Margot. I actually wouldn't get her to look after mine because I wouldn't want to be shafted like that again but I see what you mean!

Verity87 · 10/05/2014 17:21

YANBU - she's very ungrateful. I certainly would not do this again.

winklewoman · 10/05/2014 17:26

Excellent plan Margot, then please come back and tell us her reaction.

Original poster

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 19:19

Well I've just seen that she was over at another mate's with her youngest this aft, so she's obviously fit and well. I'm really annoyed now. I don't know whether to say something but I think I'm just too pissed off and would probably get overheated.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 10/05/2014 19:22

She lacks manners I'm afraid.

Just don't let her take advantage of you again.

Original poster

MargotLovedTom · 10/05/2014 19:26

I know.

I feel stupidly upset about this.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 10/05/2014 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldgrandmama · 10/05/2014 19:35

I think that is outrageous behaviour, OP - I'm cross on your behalf. Especially at all the running around you had to do to accommodate her before the sleepover, and then the late collection.

Even my daughter always thanks me, and often her thanks are accompanied with flowers, wine or a card, whenever I've had the three kids to sleep over, and I have them here a lot. It's just basic good manners. I hope you are a lot more sparing with 'favours' for that friend in the future.

You went far and away above the call of duty with that particular favour for your friend. She's got a bloody nerve not to be fall ing on your neck weeping with gratitude

cjelh · 10/05/2014 19:37

what a cheek, Just stay calm when you say anything

Gruntfuttock · 10/05/2014 19:44

Your 'friend's' attitude is very insulting, OP. It shows a complete lack of respect and I can certainly understand how hurtful it must be to realise this. I'm not surprised you're angry. You should be.

500smiles · 10/05/2014 19:47

Oh that's bad of her. I wondered if she'd overdone it and was spending the day groaning in bed vomiting.

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