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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with my husband and his attitude to work

24 replies

emms1981 · 10/05/2014 08:27

Every time my husband gets a job he's ok to start with "oh its great, great people they do this they do that" then after a few weeks or months he starts leaving home about 20mins before work when on a bad day it can take half an hour to get there (we live in a small town and the main town is where most of the work is)

or he starts feeling ill and doesn't think he can go in. Don't get me wrong I know we get ill but he milks it
Earlier in the week he had a sore throat and did have a bit of a temp but he was well enough to go to lunch with me on thursday so he worked through that.
He has work today at 9.30 so I asked if he could drop me and the boys into town on the way to work and I would get them breakfast there but he said his "neck really hurts" and has the hump with me for telling the boys.

He's well enough to bang all the things in the kitchen though slamming the drawers. He's now gone for a shower giving me a filthy look
I should add that last year he didn't have a perminant job he was only doing agency work and was let go at last job just before christmas so he knows how hard work is to come by here.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 10/05/2014 08:29

Sounds like a real keeper. A workshy sulker. Do you work full-time?

WooWooOwl · 10/05/2014 08:38

YANBU.

I'd find it hard to have any respect for someone with an attitude like that.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 10/05/2014 08:39

He sounds like a lazy arse.

IkeaFurnitureAssemblyChampions · 10/05/2014 08:40

He's cross with you because you were expecting him to go to work?

Original poster

emms1981 · 10/05/2014 08:40

We have been married for 8 years so I should be used to it.
No I worked for 12 years but my husband got what we thought would be a Permanent full time job and I had to leave because my hours were 8.30-6 and getting home just before 7 so childcare was an issue and my boss wouldn't let me change hours.

OP posts:

FloozeyLoozey · 10/05/2014 08:40

Ltb?

expatinscotland · 10/05/2014 08:42

How do you afford to live with one person working on and off like that?

Fairylea · 10/05/2014 08:44

At the risk of being shot down in flames does he have depression and or social anxiety? Or is he just a lazy sod? I am just asking because he sounds a lot like me actually. I struggle to keep jobs because I really struggle to be around people (social anxiety) and although I can just about cope with the beginning of it as it goes on I just struggle more and more to the point I often end up calling in sick and then getting signed off and then either leaving for something else or just being unemployed for a while on sick leave. I just can't cope with the stress of work at all. It sends me into severe depression and anxiety.

Luckily I am now in a position where my dh is happy to work full time while I am a sahm as we now have a toddler son. The thought of having to go back to work fills me with absolute dread but luckily dh doesn't mind if I don't work again so we manage on a tight budget.

Have you talked to him about what is actually wrong?

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 10/05/2014 08:44

Maybe he should be the SAHP and you could go back to working FT.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 10/05/2014 08:49

Minimum wage I take it, in warehousing or van driving?

Was he any good as a SAHD?

You know that the agencies talk to each other, and people like your DH are the reason that Polish is the second workplace language? Pretty soon he'll be unemployable, just like some of my colleagues who've elevated unreliability into an artform.

BigRedBall · 10/05/2014 08:54

Sounds like a lazy arse. People like that rarely change.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 10/05/2014 09:13

I'm guessing it is boredom as much as anything, if he starts out keen and it goes off the boil? So it's the novelty wearing off?

He does need to just buckle down to it or swap with you. Although if work bores him then staying at home with small children may not be any better!

He certainly needs to grow up and stop playing ill and taking it out on you.

MissDuke · 10/05/2014 09:24

My friend has a hubby like this. In the end, he packed in work altogether, and she works part time. I find his attitude astounding to be honest. Maybe that sounds sexist, but I would say the same about a woman. I never knew him to work full time or stay in a job longer than a few months even when he did work. One of their children (aged 12) has a disability so they manage financially with the DLA/Carers plus tax credits etc. They have more money than me! Life isn't easy for them though as the disability really does take over their whole lives.

Anyway, sorry for the waffle there. I really think you could end up having to be the earner too while he stays at home. Him sliding in and out of work like this will not provide you all with stability :-( The family I mentioned above lost their home to the bank when they could no longer afford the mortgage and they have had to move several times since. It is very unsettling for the whole family.

expatinscotland · 10/05/2014 09:26

Bet he'd be the world's laziest SAHP.

pictish · 10/05/2014 09:26

Hmmm...yep he does sound like a skiver.

rollonthesummer · 10/05/2014 09:28

What's he like around the house/with the kids?

pictish · 10/05/2014 09:33

And his work isn't going to put up with it for very long. Taking time off for spurious reasons is transparent. They'll know he's skiving.

SocialMediaAddict · 10/05/2014 10:59

He sounds really lazy.

Original poster

emms1981 · 10/05/2014 14:20

The thing is when he was doing agency work he was fine never had a day off sick, but I was worried about never knowing how long it would last it was always 2 weeks ongoing the longest he was at one place was 4 months and yes every factory he worked in was mostly polish.

When he gets a job he seems to get board
With it. I have only ever worked in a shop and full time work is hard to come by, he's useless round the house when I was working he wouldn't do any house work and never bath the kids without being asked too.

OP posts:

FryOneFatManic · 10/05/2014 14:37

He's a skiver, then. I couldn't be doing with this, I'd rather be on my own.

Original poster

emms1981 · 10/05/2014 16:57

I've thought the same myself many times but I have no idea where I would go or how I would leave him.
My kids are both in school now and I don't have money of my own to move out. Tbh I dread it when he's at home because I feel he just gets in the way.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2014 19:42

If your children are in school, could you not get a part time job to get some money together? Retail, lunchtime in a caf, cleaning etc?.

frogslegs35 · 10/05/2014 20:06

So he's crap at working, crap at helping around the house and can't independantly take care of his kids......does he have ANY redeeming qualities?

Personally I couldn't manage with a 'partner' like him and I would get rid of the lazy twat.
Maybe try and get yourself a part time job for now - that combined with tax credits/housing benefit would make it doable alone.

HaPPy8 · 10/05/2014 20:26

Would it be better if you both worked part time?

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