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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this temporary accommodation isnt safe?

90 replies

mspmsp · 09/05/2014 06:59

The council placed me and my son in a bed and breakfast, which is actually just a house share with two random men, 90 miles away from where I've lived my entire life.
Maybe iabu cause ots better than the street, but its terrifying. I'm 23 with a 9 month old baby and I have no idea who these people are, everyone i know is miles away i have no idea what to do. What of the babys sick can i just take him to any doctors? Or any hv clinic?
Worse thing us im quite sure my housing officer did this out of spite as she tried her hardest to just leave us with no help, and my council have never put anyone this far away (read it in the freedom of info bit on their site)
I just have no idea wtf to do. I could handle living with random men if i wad at least close to family but i just feel completely stuck out here on my own.

OP posts:
Busymumto3dc · 09/05/2014 07:00

Do you have no family you could stay with instead

NoArmaniNoPunani · 09/05/2014 07:03

That sounds awful. Have they said how long you'll be there?

Original poster
mspmsp · 09/05/2014 07:04

Unfortunately not no, I've kind of exhausted all the staying with family that I could, no one has the room for me and a baby unfortunately

OP posts:
OftheTwilighttheDarkness · 09/05/2014 07:07

I'm not sure how helpful it will be but could you contact citizens advice or your local MP ( the one where you come from or both). Unless there was a need, such as a violent partner to move someone away from an area moving someone so far away dies seem unreasonable.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 09/05/2014 07:09

How can they do that? 90mile must be out of the local authority that placed you there? We were placed 'out of area' once as a child and it was still within county boundaries, and within a certain distance. Otherwise it is a transfer surely? Do you have any one local to speak to about the suitability?

On a more practical note. Yes, register with a dr local to where you are. They should be able to transfer notes to a new hv (for you and your baby), etc.

MrsReacher85 · 09/05/2014 07:09

The absolute best thing you can do is phone shelter for advice. They can take all the details and give you full legal advice and further help if you need it.

Disclaimer: I know a lot of people who work there and they will do everything they can to help you, if there's a way to do so.

Their number is 0845 345 4345 (they'll call you if it's too expensive)

MrsReacher85 · 09/05/2014 07:10

Oh, and in relation to a doctor, you can see doctors if it's an emergency and you don't live there. Just call the surgery.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/05/2014 07:10

I'd suggest you sign up with a local GP to start with as that seems to be a source of anxiety for you. GPs and HVs can often put you in touch with groups where you could meet other mothers, get to know people and find out what's going on locally in terms of housing, job-hunting, social activities etc. There may be a local MN group in your new town. Then you might have a chat with the 'two random men' you're sharing a house with, get to know them a little better and reduce your anxiety there as well.

Age 23 the world is your oyster and where you are now, if you give it a chance, is probably a lot better than being jobless and homeless in your old town. You can choose to see this as terrifying or a new horizon with opportunities. Hope you pick the latter

gamerwidow · 09/05/2014 07:12

It sounds awful. It's a travesty that there isn't more social housing stock and people like you are forced into such a vulnerable situation.
Go to your local library and visit the www.nhs.uk website to find a local gp who can register you as a temporary patient and the details of your nearest walk-in-centre in case of emergency. Also phone your old HV and they should be able to tell you how to get in contact with your local HV team.
Try phoning shelter also to see if they can give you any other advice.
Hope you get somewhere more suitable soon.

stilllearnin · 09/05/2014 07:14

By law you should be sharing as a last resort and the maximum you can share is 6 weeks. Lots of councils do break this law however. Could you contact shelter for help with your rights. This is a massive issue and shelter will know. Housing this far away is becoming more common. I too would find this scary, or at least very uncomfortable. If there is any reason it's worse for you than anyone else ( eg medical reasons, or you've been threatened or attacks in the past) tell the council. The law here is very cut and dried, it is not just guidance and the council cannot just say there is nothing else. But as I say talk to shelter about it. Good luck

stilllearnin · 09/05/2014 07:20

London councils are placing people in temporary accommodation in north Yorkshire due to housing shortages. It is not even that unusual. In the meantime get support locally so that you get out and about (parent and tots groups etc).

janey68 · 09/05/2014 07:21

First of all in an emergency rest assured that you can go to A and E or any doctors, though I would register with a GP ASAP. As the poster above said this is also a good way into accessing local groups and getting to know other mothers. This seems to be your main source of worry

It does seem odd to have been moved this distance but your primary need is a roof over your head so it's better to have this need met than to be homeless but closer to relatives. If there is no relative who can put you up and you can't afford your own place then the immediate need is shelter.

I agree though that this goes back to the lack of social housing....

I expect the two 'random men' are perhaps just as wary about having a young baby moving into the house, so perhaps your best best here is to start talking and find out a bit about them... You seem to be assuming they are some type of threat - surely they will be people who were in a similar position to you- ie urgently needing a home and possibly have been miles from where they lived ?

LIZS · 09/05/2014 07:23

You should be able to register temporarily with a gp and see a hv through them . Is there a local Surestart children's Centre as they would be able to put you in touch with someone to advise you about your situation and services in the area.

ClashCityRocker · 09/05/2014 07:47

I've been in B and B accommodation before, and it isn't nice at all, especially when you are far from your support network. Unfortunately, I suspect you will have to make the best of a bad situation for a short while.

When you do get offered permanent accommodation, is it likely to be in the same area? If so, it's important to start building up your own support networks now.

As PPS have said, get registered with your local gp and contact shelter. Can you go to any mum and baby groups? It could help you meet new people. The library is also a good source of info for support groups etc.

janey68 · 09/05/2014 07:49

Unless there is more to this than you've said, I'm struggling to see why you use the term 'not safe' in the title. I can understand that you would prefer to be given housing nearer where you lived and to have your own place rather than sharing. So I get that your temporary accommodation isn't 'convenient' or 'comfortable' Etc but I don't see why it's unsafe. I would urge you to get registered with a GP, ask to see a HV etc though because these will be your inroads into getting to know others

Of course it either of the other residents has actually threatened you or something, then you should contact the police. But from what you've told us they are just other people likely to be in your position - ie have been temporarily housed and perhaps feeling equally adrift

stilllearnin · 09/05/2014 07:51

Sorry the 6 week limit only applies to certain situations but I have assumed you are there while they decide on a homelessness application. If so, the 6 week limit applies to your family. The council should move you to self contained accommodation then but it could be in another part of the country.

Lagoonablue · 09/05/2014 07:53

Well at 23 with a young child, in a strange location with men I didn't know.....well I would feel vulnerable too!

However the likelihood is you will be fine

Sounds awful OP. Seek the advice of Shelter as has been suggested. See if there are any mother and toddler groups around to occupy you during the day and to make friends. Look for resources in the local library.

Good luck.

Joules68 · 09/05/2014 07:54

Why is it not safe?

Men are people too. Do you have own bedroom?

littlewhitebag · 09/05/2014 07:54

What has led to you being placed in homeless accommodation?

Have you got SS involvement and a SW who can help you? If not you could try calling the SS department and ask for help and advice.

What makes you feel unsafe? Do you have a lock on your door?

BookFairy · 09/05/2014 07:57

I strongly advise you look on the Shelter website and contact them for advice. Also google Citizens Advice Bureau to check where your nearest Bureau is.

I work with under 25s and some of them are in emergency b+b accommodation. It can be scary to have no control over who else is living you. I'm not 100% sure off the top of my head what the rules are, as I work with Care Leavers and that is a whole different kettle of fish!

How old is your baby? Most churches run play groups etc so you could find a few to go to, so you feel like you are at least getting out of the property.

NearTheWindymill · 09/05/2014 07:59

I was going to ask about SS littlewhitebag. OP, why have all your options with family/friends been exhausted? I can't believe you would have been sent 90 miles away "homeless" and that you don't have an appointed social worker.

autumnsmum · 09/05/2014 08:07

In London boroughs a lot of people are being placed in emergency accommodation miles away . I've been in emergency accommodation and you don't automatically have social services involvement

Original poster
mspmsp · 09/05/2014 08:12

Fwiw I don't live in London, or anywhere with an awful housing problem

OP posts:
OiYou · 09/05/2014 08:25

Yes, I couldn't imagine a reason why a young woman alone would not want to share a home with 2 random men. No reason at all.

Op ignore people trying to make you feel silly. I am sure in the same circumstance they would feel exactly the same as you. I certainly would.

Homelessness can happen to anyone for many reasons but drugs and mental illness are a very large factor in male homelessness.

Both can be a worry. it's why women are considered vulnerable as homeless people

Cushioney · 09/05/2014 08:26

How did your housing officer try her hardest to leave you without help?

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