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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this temporary accommodation isnt safe?

90 replies

mspmsp · 09/05/2014 06:59

The council placed me and my son in a bed and breakfast, which is actually just a house share with two random men, 90 miles away from where I've lived my entire life.
Maybe iabu cause ots better than the street, but its terrifying. I'm 23 with a 9 month old baby and I have no idea who these people are, everyone i know is miles away i have no idea what to do. What of the babys sick can i just take him to any doctors? Or any hv clinic?
Worse thing us im quite sure my housing officer did this out of spite as she tried her hardest to just leave us with no help, and my council have never put anyone this far away (read it in the freedom of info bit on their site)
I just have no idea wtf to do. I could handle living with random men if i wad at least close to family but i just feel completely stuck out here on my own.

OP posts:
autumnsmum · 09/05/2014 08:28

Does your council have any family hostels you could be moved to ? We were in one

OiYou · 09/05/2014 08:30

I'm not sure about the stats but I saw this meme on FB and appreciated the sentiment.

The odds of being attacked by a shark are 1 in 11,500,000, but no one gets mad at people who avoid the ocean.

The odds of a woman being sexually attacked in her lifetime are 1 in 6. But if she doesn't feel safe around strange men she is a stereotyping bitch

They could also add that if someone did get in the ocean and get attacked no one ever says well you should have expected it getting in the ocean with strange sharks.

OiYou · 09/05/2014 08:33

OP I don't know how it all works so not claiming to be an expert at all!

But if you are now 90 miles away from your previous area would you not be able to now get an unrelated housing officer who rehome you in this new are at least until you are more comfortable? I thought they normally have special places for young women with children? What about calling a women's shelter and explaining?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/05/2014 08:37

No-one's trying to make the OP feel silly, just encouraging her to make the best of the situation, feel safer in her new environment and move on into permanent accommodation. There obviously was a housing problem in the home town or the OP would have been offered a place there. The much-missed family don't seem to be doing anything to help. Plenty of us end up living a long way from family either through choice or necessity. Doesn't help the OP in the slightest if we all throw up our hands and support her doom-laden view that it's a terrible tragedy.

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 08:52

your council area must be huge poor you, speak to you rhousing officer ask to be moved if they can go to a local GP register as an emergency patient ask to speak to health visitors get them to help you move ASAP, i was in homelss although a flat with dd1 decades ago , it wasnt great and the flats were full of alcoholics drug users and people coming and going all day and night i was terrified , lock your door all the time, and do go to the gp to register

OiYou · 09/05/2014 08:53

Why is it not safe? Men are people too. Do you have own bedroom?

implies they have no idea why the OP could feel unssafe and doesn't consider her fear as legitimate cogito I agree we should be trying to encourage her to feel safer in her environment but not sure the above is the way to go about it.

If Mner posted about moving two strange men in to her apartment (or even a new boyfriend) to help with bills she'd be called insane. I think she has every right to feel unsafe with the situation even though I am sure she is safe.

Original poster
mspmsp · 09/05/2014 08:55

Cushioney- she just said no, she doesn't have to help me (get excuse being I didn't have all my belongings with me. I had yo get the train there with a pushchair of course I didn't bring everything with me) up and walked off. I had to get the receptionist to get the manager, who then told her that actually they do have to help and then she got the officer yo book temp accompdation.
My family HAVE helped me and much as possible, there just is only so much they can do

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 09/05/2014 08:56

It sounds dreadful and i have no idea why they would have placed a vulnerable young woman with a child in a house with two men. I am a SW and that is why i asked the questions before.

OP If you call a SW duty team then they may be able to help you get moved. Have you had SW involvement at all? SW are not all bad and you may find them supportive. It could depend though on the reasons you have for being homeless.

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 08:58

it doesn't make sense why she was placed where she is, it is ridiuclous isolated in a B n B with 2 men and no support , I assume these men have checked out as safe but god it sounds grim

lessonsintightropes · 09/05/2014 09:00

OIYou that's disinformation and unhelpful to the OP - women are not classed as vulnerable under the legislation. The only reason the council has a duty to assist her is because of her baby.

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:00

What genneral area are you in now, and where were you before op?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/05/2014 09:02

I'd also like to know why anyone's assuming the OP is vulnerable. They're obviously not working, short of money, needed a place to live and they have a child but they sound normally intelligent, resourceful and capable.

sexypantsformum · 09/05/2014 09:04

I was put in a hostel for 3 years. It was hell.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/05/2014 09:04

I wonder if they have placed you in this, presumabably cheaper, area, as they think you will have more chance of getting your own place there rather than your home town.

littleducks · 09/05/2014 09:05

Sounds grim.

I would get a doorstop did your room. If the door is shut and then you put it on you can't open it from the outside. This might make it easier for you to relax in your room. It's advice I give to students going to stay in halls.

Are you sharing a bathroom and kitchen? Or is there no kitchen?

littlewhitebag · 09/05/2014 09:08

cogito OP is vulnerable as she is a female on her own with a small child and without a home and placed far away from her home town. I make no other assumptions about her intelligence or resourcefulness.

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:08

They're obviously not working, short of money, needed a place to live and they have a child

To me those things are the definition of vulnerable. I am sure most women who go in to prostitution while homeless are also intelligent and capable.

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:11

Anyway none of this is helpful to the Op.

Op would you feel comfortable discussing your general location, before and now? There might be someone who can help you with practicalities..like a lift to the council that sort of thing or moving your stuff.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/05/2014 09:13

I'm sure the OP isn't going to resort to prostitution... Hmm They're in temporary accommodation in a new town which presumably has a housing department where they can go along and talk to whomever is in charge & see what else is available. Take some initiative?

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 09:13

wha Oiyou said this woman and her baby are vulnerable infact any human who is isolated and homeless is vulnerable, being in a strange place miles and miles away from anybody must be hellish

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 09:15

cogito when you are in a situation like this the obvious doesn't seem that obvious

ICanSeeTheSun · 09/05/2014 09:25

Have you got a lock for your bedroom door.

I would feel scared if I had to move 90 miles away sharing with 2 people I don't know and being away from all my support networks.

Hopefully you get a permenat home soon.

allhailqueenmab · 09/05/2014 09:25

When you say sharing, can you lock your own bedroom door?

Apart from any personal vulnerability, you should at least be able to lock away your personal possessions when you go out.

I know it can be good advice to approach new people you have been thrown together with, with a positive demeanour, but I would be wary of dishing out breezy advice about "making friends with" a couple of guys we, and she, don't know from Adam. Seriously. Let's not talk crap about things we know nothing about. Maybe the OP would feel more comfortable not inviting getting too close for now. Maybe she would be right to feel more comfortable keeping herself to herself.

If I had a 23 year old daughter or young friend who said "what do you think, should I open up to and befriend these two guys in a strange town who were presumably homeless and have now been placed in temporary accommodation and I don't know a single thing else about them?" I think I would say "well, if you want to make friends, I would suggest starting at a mother and baby group rather than that"

janey68 · 09/05/2014 09:25

I think people are getting sidetracked here with all this talk of prostitution etc Hmm
I think people were just making the point that 'safety' is often to do with perception.
For example as a student I lived for a while in a pretty rough area. Did I feel unsafe? No! Probably because I was 19, away from home with all the excitement and independence that entails. If I had moved to that same area as a 23 year old with a baby I might well have felt isolated and unsafe.

The OP implies that she shouldn't have been moved to this house because its inherently unsafe, which some of us are querying, that's all. Uncomfortable and unfamiliar- yes, and that's why people have made practical suggestions to make things better. But there is nothing to suggest that the OP is actually unsafe- though I accept she may be feeling it

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:27

cojito the Op is a 23 year old new mother... who did take her own initiative. And got shit upon form a great height by the sounds of it.

She has come on MN because, and I quote I just have no idea wtf to do.

She is using her initiative asking for help from people who may have already been through it.

OP I think you should get in touch with home start, they may be able to help you with practicalities of getting out of the house and getting you down to the CAB

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