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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this temporary accommodation isnt safe?

90 replies

mspmsp · 09/05/2014 06:59

The council placed me and my son in a bed and breakfast, which is actually just a house share with two random men, 90 miles away from where I've lived my entire life.
Maybe iabu cause ots better than the street, but its terrifying. I'm 23 with a 9 month old baby and I have no idea who these people are, everyone i know is miles away i have no idea what to do. What of the babys sick can i just take him to any doctors? Or any hv clinic?
Worse thing us im quite sure my housing officer did this out of spite as she tried her hardest to just leave us with no help, and my council have never put anyone this far away (read it in the freedom of info bit on their site)
I just have no idea wtf to do. I could handle living with random men if i wad at least close to family but i just feel completely stuck out here on my own.

OP posts:
OurMiracle1106 · 09/05/2014 09:30

Councils tend to do this as it outs those who aren't really in need of housing. The other options are hostels which aren't always any better I'm afraid. I was fortunate that I was rehoused by a charity that the single homeless unit referred me on to and it took just over a week from referral to moving somewhere permanent. I would give you there details however they only deal.with single persons.

Have you asked about rent deposit schemes? Are you within London? As there is a charity called davish that can help with rent and deposit.

stilllearnin · 09/05/2014 09:31

Op if you are here on a temporary basis while the council decides if it had a duty to find you accommodation, what you are in is 'interim accommodation'. As I said there is a law that the maximum time in shared accommodation (sharing a bathroom and kitchen) is 6 weeks. But the law is broken frequently. Your home council where you used to live is still the council you deal with. You could speak to the council for the area you are in now but I suspect it would just tell you to speak to the home council. As I said south London to north Yorkshire is becoming more common and that is families too. I would say that is usually so the council can move you to self contained interim accommodation and do remain within the law. Basically ring shelter who will be able to give proper advice based on all your circumstances. Yes make the best of the situation but also keep safe and make sure the council has all the info it needs to make its decision about your homeless application. Get hooked into family services where you are though so that you can get out and about. Sure start centres are good for this.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/05/2014 09:31

I'm sure it isn't obvious to the OP. After all they said originally 'I have no idea wtf to do'.... so therefore they are getting practical pointers on wtf to do to make the best of the situation, get out of temporary accommodation into something more suitable and hook into local healthcare. MN support at its best.... The subtext of the OP's post is that they have been deliberately moved away from all they hold dear out of alleged 'spite' (which I'm really not buying, sorry) and they simply want the rest of us to agree that it's so unfair and join in the pointless wailing. That solves nothing.

OurMiracle1106 · 09/05/2014 09:33

Also can I point out that the OP may have reasons for feeling unsafe around men that she may not wish to discuss on here. Or they may just make her uneasy for some reason. Ie drugs etc

Theodorous · 09/05/2014 09:38

Awful, just awful. You sound so alone. I don't have any practical advice as I don't live in the UK but I just wanted to say that you are not alone, Aibu is not a kind place, if you post on another board I think you will get a huge amount of support. I have seen this on here before and people have offered real help and support and sometimes if nearby have met up. Don't just limit to this site but try other parenting sites as well and don't feel as if this is your fault. You are young, vulnerable and alone and whatever the circumstances, I send you love and hope that you get the support you need.

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 09:42

cogito when you are homeless and dealing with people from the council it can seem they are being stand offish and unhelpful I dont think the H O was spiteful either just how it can seem at the time, practical advice is needed here but I dont think saying show some Inititive(sp) isn't all as clear as we think,

nomorequotes · 09/05/2014 09:43

Damn councils can be mean. My friend has been moved 45 miles away from his support network and he has a back injury that has left him paralysed. So for the first time in his life he is learning how to shower on a chair and receive help for all sort of personal stuff and he is bloody miles and miles away! Dreadful.

OP I would speak to the CAB if I were you, they will hopefully put you in touch with a lawyer who can help you decide if you have a case against the council. I had to go through this process when they tried to move me somewhere I couldn't go and just the lawyer being involved gave me great clout and the council didn't move me to the arse-end of nowhere.

Phone CAB and Shelter today. Good luck.

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:44

Actually a bit of pointless waiiling can be quite cathartic.

snugger · 09/05/2014 09:47

Google to find a GP practise within a reasonable distance and call them to register and ask for HV contact. Google for mother and baby events at children centres (your local authority has to publish ths information).

Continue to communicate with the Housing officer to ask for a plan after your legal period time of sharing.

I know it's tough but it's temporary, make your room as ice as possible and try to get to know your housemates a bit?

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:49

OP if you are still about I haven't got the space to have anyone stay with me. We are busting at the seams 5 to a small 2 bedrrom place. But would happily have you over for meals etc and make dh drive you to important places/meetings if you are near me Grin

Original poster
mspmsp · 09/05/2014 09:49

I feel scared because I dont know anything about these men and it smells weird, like drugs or something, and I have no one I know anywhere near here. Might phone SS and see if they have any advice.
Can't go to housing department here for help because I've no local connection. Physically the place doesn't seem awful, only worrying thing is straight out of the bedroom door there's a very steep, narrow staircase with no banister and posters about abrat infestation but nothing that will kill me

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 09:52

phone social services tell them how isolated you feel they will help you or be able to sign post you places, the stair has no bannister that isn't allowed i dont think ,

OurMiracle1106 · 09/05/2014 09:53

OP depending where you are I would happily meet up and help you wherever I could. I know it's scary and not nice. (i live in shared accommodation but they introduced all housemates slowly originally it was just me and one of them. I now live with three boys but two are never home and the third I feel very safe with)

OiYou · 09/05/2014 09:53

SS is a good idea. You were moved to the local area, so I would try and get in touch with the housing dept though.

Brat infestations are annoying but not dangerous Grin

OurMiracle1106 · 09/05/2014 09:54

Having a social worker on your side will get you moved quicker.

littlewhitebag · 09/05/2014 09:58

Are you still in the same LA area? If not call the SW you spoke to previously in the area you came from (saw from previous posts that you have spoken to a SW recently) . Technically you are their responsibility, especially if you plan to move back there. If you have SW history then they will be able to see that on their system. If you go to the LA you are in now they will have no back history.

I really do not think your accommodation is suitable for a mother and young baby.

Mybellyisaneasteregg · 09/05/2014 10:03

Is there a lock on your bedroom door? I know you can buy portable/temporary/travel hotel locks from eBay and Amazon that you can use to lock yourself in to a room If there is no lock.

Have they said how long you will be there for? I'd suggest phoning your gp/hv clinic for advice about what to do/ where to go etc if your baby becomes ill. They should be able to help you find your closest gp or refer you to your closest hv.

Mybellyisaneasteregg · 09/05/2014 10:06

I have lived in a few house shares temporary with strangers (whilst childless however) and I wouldn't be happy sharing with 2 stranger men in this situation.

As a mother I would be particularly worried if the baby cried in the middle of the night which could cause conflict etc Hmm

I hope you get moved to more suitable accommodation soon Flowers

OiYou · 09/05/2014 10:39

Also, if the OP is BF she might feel weird in front of strange men

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/05/2014 10:44

Are you saying you are in b&b but you do not have a private room?

PoundingTheStreets · 09/05/2014 10:59

I'm sorry you find yourself in difficult circumstances OP. I sympathise. With a young baby in tow you must feel incredibly anxious about everything. Flowers

Now you have to take it on yourself to change things. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation the truth of the matter is that unless you get proactive about changing it, you could be languishing in this house-share for months. Some people end up in temporary accommodation for years.

You have access to the internet which means you can contact everyone you need to electronically, rather than in person. Here's what I would do:

  1. Contact your local NHS Clinical Commissioning Group link here who will be able to help you register yourself and your baby with a nearby GP, HV and dentist, etc.
  2. Get in touch with your local Sure Start Centre link here who can provide some practical help and get you out of the house for hours at a time in a way that's affordable and suitable for you and your baby.
  3. Get in touch with your housing officer and ask for a summary of your case (which you are entitled to) along with instructions on how to register to bid on more appropriate accommodation and how to improve your bidding scores.
  4. Contact Citizens Advice website here, including details on how to find your local branch and find out exactly what further help and benefits you are entitled to, including retraining opportunities.

Good luck.

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 11:15

We have some sort of sheltered accmd near us.

Yes half the men are off their trollies on god knows what, a friend visits them, and walks very slowly like he is on the moon, off their trollies....

there is a warden there but seems to do nothing...they are always sat outside with cans of special brew...never noticed or saw any violence...but it wasnt all roses...

GobbolinoCat · 09/05/2014 11:16

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation the truth of the matter is that unless you get proactive about changing it, you could be languishing in this house-share for months

^ YES YES YES and YES again, No one cares as much about your situation than you do.....YOU have to take the driving seat of your life and make them help you.

turgiday · 09/05/2014 11:34

Listen to those OP who are talking about what you can do practically.

And I would feel very vulnerable and scared in your situation as well.

Original poster
mspmsp · 09/05/2014 13:28

Phoned citizens advice, no one can talk to me right now so they'll call back in a few days. Phoned the council, told them I felt unsafe living with 2 men I know nothing about (and it turns out, neither do the council because they didn't bother) and then they hung up on me... What on earth am o supposed to do, 90odd miles from anything and the people who are there to help hang up :/

OP posts:
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