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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite nephew to DD's birthday party

58 replies

IShallCallYouSquishy · 08/05/2014 22:50

As DH says we "have to" and I disagree.

DD will be 2. DN is 6. He's a big boy for his age and like any 6 year old gets over excited, acts silly and boisterous.

DD's party will be all 2ish year olds. The bouncy castle/toddler play thing we hired is only suitable for up to age 3.

DN won't be able to use the play equipment and he can be too rough which I wouldn't be happy about with a load of toddlers. We have also never been invited to a birthday celebration of his, not even his first birthday even though we of course invited all the family to DD's, including SIL, BIL, DN and they even brought the teenage son from BIL's first marriage.

So, based on it being completely unsuitable am I really BU in not inviting them but explaining how it's not going to be suitable?

Oh god, I'm going to get flamed aren't I?

OP posts:
Littlefish · 08/05/2014 22:56

YANBU. Have a small family tea party separately to dd's party and invite DN and other family members to that.

iklboo · 08/05/2014 23:03

Agree a separate 'family' party may be better.

justmuddlingalong · 08/05/2014 23:06

I wouldn't invite him, he's obviously not welcome, nor is the rest of his family by the sound of it. Poor wee soul.

YellowTulips · 08/05/2014 23:07

It's not appropriate. The age difference is too great.

Your DH is being U. DN won't enjoy a party for 2 year olds so quite frankly it's a lose/lose all round.

If you have to compromise the as others have suggested a small family celebration is the way to go.

NatashaBee · 08/05/2014 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarlettsmummy2 · 08/05/2014 23:15

Is it your husbands side? I would invite purely to maintain good family relations.

scoobydooagain · 08/05/2014 23:19

My ds (5) got invited to his father's partners 2 year old daughters party on Sunday, he said no!
As others have said, do something else for the others

IDontDoIroning · 08/05/2014 23:21

No don't invite him on the basis of
1 he's too old he will get bored will try to use the toddlers toys. He may persist in trying to use said toys and could hurt a much younger child.
2 it's not been reciprocated in the past for his birthdays so it's not like some family tradition.
If you want to, have a family tea and invite him to that.

Toughasoldboots · 08/05/2014 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 · 08/05/2014 23:22

Just invite him, you seem a bit. Poor little boy

Aeroflotgirl · 08/05/2014 23:25

I agree with idont, the age gap is too big, I can't imagine a 6 year old wanting to go to a toddler party, have a small birthday rea instead and invite him then.

usuallysuspect · 08/05/2014 23:27

He's a 6 year old boy not a monster.

attheendoftheday · 08/05/2014 23:31

Assuming you aren't inviting the whole family excluding him and his parents then 6 and 2 are different enough ages that yanbu.

If your dh wanted to invite him then he should have planned the hire equipment to include something he would use. I think it would be unkind to invite a 6 year old to a party where he couldn't join in.

iamsoannoyed · 08/05/2014 23:38

YANBU

I also ran into this issue recently- except my nephew is 3 and it was my DDs 6th birthday party (other nephew is 12 and would not have wanted to come).

I felt it was inappropriate for him to come, he was too little and the activity planned (not at home) was not suitable. Also numbers were limited, so would not have been able to invite all of DDs friend to invite DN to something he was not able to join in fully.

My DB had a huff- despite the offer to come over the weekend after or before for a family lunch party with grandparents too. He felt that we were excluding my DN.

They have never invited DD to DN parties.

Just offer to do something as a family, if you want to. If anyone takes offence, just explain your reasons and let them get on with it.

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 09/05/2014 07:01

Oh no I love my nephew dearly. If it came across I don't like him then that was certainly unintentional. Maybe it was me trying to get across the point of how unsuitable a 2 year olds party would be for him.

Yes it is DH's sister and her husband and think he's more of the opinion we HAVE to invite them all out of obligation. They also have BIL's DS from his previous marriage every weekend and if last years party anything to go by, will be bringing a 15 year old to a toddler party. Can't imagine that being fun for any 15 year old boy!

Seperate tea for other family sounds good idea. We are doing the party the weekend before her birthday so could do a tea and cake afternoon the weekend after.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 09/05/2014 07:04

Think yabu think yabu. He's six and seems mean to exclude him.

HavantGuard · 09/05/2014 07:08

It would be really mean to invite him when he can't go on any of the play equipment you've hired.

I think your DH is being a bit odd about it when you've never been invited to any of your nephew's parties and it's going to be a bunch of 2 year olds.

Doingakatereddy · 09/05/2014 07:09

YABU. Invite him and welcome him, has it dawned on you that your DD may want her big nephew there and it's the foundation of a cousin friendship that would live beyond you?

Give him some 'jobs' to do, put him in charge of a game. Make it special for him.

Bloody pfb behaviour on your part OP

MrsDavidBowie · 09/05/2014 07:10

Hardly being excluded.
Don't invite him. Have family over separately.

Revengeofthechocolatebunny · 09/05/2014 07:16

I saw some photos of a friend's party for her 2 yo DS with her 6 yo Ds sitting there. The look on his face was "I don't want to be here" even though he was dressed up the same and was just about participating.

I would have a separate family party. YANBU.

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 09/05/2014 07:34

DD is technically "PFB" but we also have a baby so she's lost that all encompassing centre of the world status in afraid Grin

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 09/05/2014 07:39

If it helps we are doing a separate family party for dd's first birthday although my best friends dd's party fell on a weekend we had the dsc's and I took them but it was at a play centre so I just paid for them to go in and have food etc separately but they joined in with paSS the parcel (at friends insistence) and loved helping the babies (had one each on their laps)

WandaDoff · 09/05/2014 07:42

A nice family tea sounds like a good compromise to me :)

Purplehonesty · 09/05/2014 07:43

No I wouldn't either. It's not like its the only party he will ever be invited to!
We often have little people parties and don't invite the older siblings/relatives.
That way the wee ones get to enjoy the bouncy castle without being squished.
And ds doesn't get invited to dd's toddler friends parties which I am fine with too!

ThatsAStupidUsername · 09/05/2014 08:03

I would not invite him because the age difference is too big. If your DH thinks its a problem he could call his sister and explain. Its nothing to do with 'excluding' him.