Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite nephew to DD's birthday party

58 replies

IShallCallYouSquishy · 08/05/2014 22:50

As DH says we "have to" and I disagree.

DD will be 2. DN is 6. He's a big boy for his age and like any 6 year old gets over excited, acts silly and boisterous.

DD's party will be all 2ish year olds. The bouncy castle/toddler play thing we hired is only suitable for up to age 3.

DN won't be able to use the play equipment and he can be too rough which I wouldn't be happy about with a load of toddlers. We have also never been invited to a birthday celebration of his, not even his first birthday even though we of course invited all the family to DD's, including SIL, BIL, DN and they even brought the teenage son from BIL's first marriage.

So, based on it being completely unsuitable am I really BU in not inviting them but explaining how it's not going to be suitable?

Oh god, I'm going to get flamed aren't I?

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 09/05/2014 08:10

I don't understand why some posters think he should be invited. The nephew is three times older than the little ones. He will find it boring and the little ones might find him a little bit intimidating. This isn't a family party, but a two year old's party with lots of other two year olds.

I would have a separate family birthday tea if you don't want to offend the family.

Pumpkinpositive · 09/05/2014 08:22

Imagine the hell of trying to keep a young child off a bouncy castle when he sees everyone else on it. Shock

That would be the one thing he takes away from the party and remembers for years to come - he was the only one not allowed to play on the bouncy castle!

YANBU OP.

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 08:25

yanbu the place is for under 3s the little boy wouldn't be able to go on anything anway, can you have a party at home on her birthday so he can come to that,

Pimpf · 09/05/2014 08:30

Yanbu. A separate family dinner for all is the way to go.

Just because he's family doesn't mean he should automatically be invited.

And what's all this poor boy crap? If he doesn't know about it, he won't care.

It's a toddlers party, with toddler based activities that he won't be able to join in on, sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Pimpf · 09/05/2014 08:32

Doing, sorry why should it be made special for him? It's not party!

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 09/05/2014 08:33

Good grief, why on earth would he want to come anyway?

Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 08:34

why are people saying it is mean to exclude him this is a party for a 2 year old, with 2 year old stuff going on,

SanityClause · 09/05/2014 08:36

Why would he even want to come? If it was a bouncy castle suitable for him, then perhaps, but he won't be able to go on it, and that will be frustrating for him.

If it were a family tradition, I would invite him, but as it isn't, why would you?

Blimmin' 'ell, sometimes my DC are not "invited" to their siblings' parties, depending on what the activity is.

qazxc · 09/05/2014 08:46

*Imagine the hell of trying to keep a young child off a bouncy castle when he sees everyone else on it. shock

That would be the one thing he takes away from the party and remembers for years to come - he was the only one not allowed to play on the bouncy castle!*
^
This.
I can't imagine anything worse for DN than being at a party but not allowed on any of the equipment/being left out of activities, nobody of his own age group to play with. He will feel so bored and left out.
YANBU OP.

DuckandCat · 09/05/2014 08:50

I wouldn't invite him.

It's a party for todders...and he's not a toddler, so why would you?

'DN please come to DD's party, but please do not play on any of the equipment. Also none of the activities are aimed at you, so if you could just sit quietly at the side that would be great'

Sure that'll go down well Confused

HolgerDanske · 09/05/2014 08:55

I think you are right, it would be wholly unsuitable for him and actually much worse to invite him to a party where he can't actually do anything.

I would send him an invite to a smaller family party tea or something instead, though.

daisybrown37 · 09/05/2014 08:57

I would never expect my 3 year old to be invited to his older cousins parties, we have a family get together separately and they have their party with their friends.

I wouldn't invite him, but do something else with the family.

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 09/05/2014 09:01

Thank you the people who understand what I'm getting it. Maybe wasn't worded properly in my OP.

It would be awful for him to come and be told he can't do X Y Z. I'd also worry about anything getting broken by being used by a child outside of the age range. Yes I could make activities suitable for a 6 year old but then they wouldn't really be suitable for a 2 year old I.e . Who the party is for.

I think we will definitely do a birthday tea for some family on another day. Thank you for the poster who suggested that, hadn't thought about doing something like that.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 09/05/2014 09:04

what others have said I wouldnt expect any of mine when they were smaller to be invited to an older cousins birthday, can you imagine the OP nephew is going bowling with his friends as his birthday party and the op husband saying well dd should go its daft

MinesAPintOfTea · 09/05/2014 09:04

I'm more horrified by you distinguishing between the siblings in terms of how welcome they are. Your SIL's DSS is your DN's half-brother and not some stranger to the family.

That said YANBU to have a separate family tea instead of inviting bigger children to your DC's toddler party.

Original poster
IShallCallYouSquishy · 09/05/2014 09:08

I'm not distinguishing. A 15 year old is even more unlikely to enjoy a toddler birthday party. He gets treated exactly the same at Christmas, his birthday etc Hmm

OP posts:
HavannaSlife · 09/05/2014 09:40

None of mine went to dns first amd second birthday parties. They were 8 and 16 at the time. She had a seperate family get together.

smartypants1000 · 09/05/2014 09:59

The rerason I wouldn't invite him is because it would be unfair to expect him to watch the other play and not join in, as he can't use the play equipment. Take him to the soft play with your dc another day instead so they can all play?

Boaty · 09/05/2014 10:15

I guess it depends on the dynamics too..and what the expectations are..When DS2 was 5 he had a birthday party. He wanted to invite some of the boys from the scout troop we ran to it, I spoke to the older boys who were flattered and wanted to come! So we had 4 10-14yr olds a couple of 5/6 year olds round our kitchen table with our other DC who were 2 and 6 at the time, all playing with playdough, lego/duplo etc.
Sometimes older kids quite like the chance to 'play' again! Grin

That said in OPs instance I concur with opinions that separate tea would be the better option.

Dubjackeen · 09/05/2014 10:40

Agree with others, have a family party, it doesn't have to be anything elaborate. That is what one of my friends does, mostly to manage age gaps, plus the party for family, once they are in school makes numbers for the party for friends, easier to manage.

It would be unfair on the 6 year old, since he couldn't be on the bouncy castle with the two year olds.
YANBU.

moominmarvellous · 09/05/2014 11:07

We have this all the time in our family. Where to draw the line. In our case we have it where the younger cousin would be suitable age wise, but then feel we can't invite them without their elder sibling too. So invite both. Then there's another niece who's the same age as the older sibling from the other family. We can't invite one of that age and not the other. So we invite her too.

Then we have the other family with two young teenagers - neither of appropriate age, but they would then be the ONLY cousins not invited! So we invite them too!

I love all my nieces and nephews and love that they want to be involved in their little cousins lives, but organising a little get together just becomes a total headfuck.

Have a friends party, then seperate family thing as many have suggested. Start it now as standard so expectations will be the same forever more.

DeWee · 09/05/2014 13:07

If it were my 6yo, he would be very frustrated in seeing a bouncy castle he couldn't go on, and I would much rather you didn't invite him.
Even if the bouncy castle was suitable for him, I, personally, would question the safety of having a lively 6yo on with 2yos. Can do an awful lot of damage by just being bigger and having fun.

I suggest you phone up SIL/BIL and say "Would you like to bring dn round for a family tea, and little party? We're having a small party for dd's friends, but dn won't be able to join in, so we thought a little party for family would be nice."
Do a small pass the parcel, give him a little party bag and let him help blow out the candles (after dd has done it) and he will have a fantastic time, much better than with a load of "babies".

diddl · 09/05/2014 13:39

Doesn't sound suitable for him.

Are your daughter & him very close/will there be a family get together?

I wouldn't necessarily be doing a party just for him iyswim.

MuddlingMackem · 09/05/2014 14:14

YANBU. Really can't see why your DH is making such a fuss. And it would be really dangerous to have a big and boisterous six year old amongst a bunch of two year olds.

Ours don't have first cousins, only second cousins, but four of them are around the ages of our DC. One set of two, ours have been invited to one birthday for one of the children; second set of two they've been invited to a number of parties for both the children. All four cousins have been invited to only one party for only one of ours, the only one either of ours have had which worked for inviting them. None of the parents are fussed about it.

There are another pair of cousins, almost grown up. By the time of DC2's party the eldest was left school and working away, the youngest was about 14. I told the youngest that I wouldn't invite him as his mam would make him come (she's also big on family obligations LOL! ) and I knew he'd be bored out of his skull. He thanked me. Grin

OddFodd · 09/05/2014 14:17

I never invite my family to DS's parties - they don't want to be at a party with a load of screaming 3/4/5/6/7 year olds!

We usually have a separate family tea.

No self-respecting 6 year old is going to want to attend a baby's party in any case

Swipe left for the next trending thread