So many posters are sanctimoniously saying variations on “it’s not a competition”, etc.
GET THIS: IT IS, QUITE LITERALLY, A COMPETITION.
The reason why exhausted, stressed out mothers of tiny babies feel as if they are competing with their partners for a bit of rest, time, headspace, is because THEY ARE.
You have a tiny little person who needs round the clock care, and one of the two of you is going to do it. If it’s not your P, it’s you. Anything else to be done around the house – if it’s not your P, it’s you who will have to lug your exhausted, aching, leaking body around to do it.
Unless you have one of those very rare Ps who already know that you need things – yes, need - that you will not get without his help, you will break without them, and he has to put himself last for once; you are in direct competition, and if you do not actively compete you will be fucked.
Most men do not know this. They are used to putting themselves first, are encouraged in this by the society around them, and perhaps by you, who have always looked after yourself and never asked for anything.
You can possibly educate your P to the new reality that he has to be more considerate than he has ever been before – this will take time.
In the short term, you need to survive, so yes, IT IS A COMPETITION.
The people tutting “it is not a competition” either mean:
- “I have a very unusual DP who has never had to be encouraged to be considerate so I am incapable of understanding your experience and pontificating about it anyway, promoting ways of interacting that have no relevance to you”
- “it is totally a competition, and I am on the side of patriarchy in promoting the idea that it’s a competition the man must be allowed to win: women should service their relationships with their husbands above all else without causing unpleasantness, as this relationship is more important than her wellbeing, in fact traditionally would have been the only source of any of the material goods required for that wellbeing, so keep the peace”