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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Vaginoplasty

98 replies

LittleTurtle · 07/05/2014 13:50

Hi all, someone from relationship has asked that maybe I get more responses here, so here is my advert.

Was just wondering if anyone has done Vaginoplasty, before and how it affected your sex life. Was it better after.

I am going for an op tomorrow and I hear it hurts like hell in the first week after. After 3 natural births, I had a huge cave down under, which was affecting our love life. DH has always been polite and said all is fine, but I am simply not enjoying sex with him anymore. He is average size and though we went on to have 2 other DC, after the 1st one, things were not the same. They were not even that big babies.

The gyna said he could easily fit 6 fingers in there, he has done hundreds of this operation and says it's a common problem. Seriously, I did not feel uncomfortable when he did fit the fingers.
DH has a hard time keeping it up nowadays, and aside from the conception of the last 2 DC, sex has been pretty much off the table, and I don't mind as I am not enjoying it at all. No friction.

The Gyna said he would do me 2 fingers, I said, 1 and a half, and he said sex should not be painful, and though lots of women ask for a pencil fit, for all they care, he feels it's a failed procedure it things are too tight. I want a vice grip to be honest.

Not many people talk about this, and though in the marriage I guess you have to abide by it, surely not all women who date later have not had natural births, or did everything just go back into place after?

I am mostly doing this for me as I cannot imagine a sexless or unsatisfied sex life for the next few decades.

OP posts:
shouldnthavesaid · 07/05/2014 15:48

It's because of the way you're writing - if you'd said you wanted some support regarding an operation you're having due to post childbirth vaginal damage (or such like) it'd be different. But you're talking in crude, sexualised terms about your vagina and asking to talk to owners of "big vags" which does suggest you're either very uninformed (in which case, you shouldn't be signing to have this tommorow) or you're only interested in hearing about loose vaginas.

If it's the latter, you know damn fine where might be more appropriate to feed your imagination than disguising your fantasies as seeking health information.

TillyTellTale · 07/05/2014 15:48

I don't think people are 'touchy'. I think that as a group, MNers are finding your posts lacking in verisimilitude.

Original poster
LittleTurtle · 07/05/2014 15:49

I am so surprised with how people are with vag language Tequila on AIBU, as I am as open as possible about what will happen. It is, what it is afterall

How are these problems going to get solved if we all go on like it never happens?

OP posts:
Lauranda · 07/05/2014 15:50

I think anyone can work up to 7+ fingers in foreplay.

I couldn't take 7 just like that and my dh is pretty big, but haven't had a baby.

Its a real shame this subject is taboo around here, the op is just wanting to not feel like the only one!

TequilaMockingbirdy · 07/05/2014 15:52

I think anyone can work up to 7+ fingers in foreplay.

I don't. Because I know women who are in the sex business and have had to partake in 'stretching' to be able to handle things like that.

I agree with your last sentence!

Shallishanti · 07/05/2014 15:54

Thing is OP, many/most women have natural births and DON'T go on to have problems (not all I know) our bodies are designed to give birth! But it may take a conscious effort and I know you said on other thread you had done pf exercises, but technique matters and you apparently haven't consulted a GP or been referred to a gynae physio, so I'm concerned that you are about to undergo a painful and unnecessary procedure.

Normal for things to feel different, not for the amount of slackness that you report. But you state in OP that dh has a hard time 'keeping it up' so could it be partly his problem as much as yours?

Original poster
LittleTurtle · 07/05/2014 15:55

Ok, I really apologise to AIBU posters for using vulgar language.

I really did want to know if anyone had a similar problem and if they dealt with it in terms of a Vaginoplastly op.

Thank you very much

OP posts:
Fenton · 07/05/2014 15:59

I'm going to be a delicate little flower here too. The language is horrible.

But hey ho, it is inviting lots of interesting discussion ain't it? Hmm

TequilaMockingbirdy · 07/05/2014 16:01

I'm not really sure what other language she could have used, I don't see anything vulgar?

FanFuckingTastic · 07/05/2014 16:01

I'm waiting to see a gynaecologist on the NHS for multiple prolapses, is that what the issue is? The muscle tone in your vaginal cavity has gone? Have you seen a physiotherapist? Mine advised me to see the gynaecologist after six months of therapy and no change. Mine doesn't just affect sex, but toileting as well. Before childbirth I was the opposite and sex was painful, now after two its gone the other way and sex is painful. I think either extreme is not good.

TillyTellTale · 07/05/2014 16:05

Tequila It's the fact that some posts have sounded like extracts from the promotional blurbs on the back of porn DVDs, rather than inquiries into the pro-and-cons of a particular medical procedure.

softlysoftly · 07/05/2014 16:06

OK taking this seriously:

I think women are comfortable talking about such issues but generally it is in more medical terms, the "Vice grip" is what really threw you on a road to nowhere.

While women will use crude terms it is generally in jest / wind up and therefore you have fallen foul of that usage!

My honest advice if this is real is to postpone the surgery, get yourself checked by an NHS professional not one in it for profit and explore issues you may have with your sexual partner before taking such a drastic step.

If you explore all those avenues and choose to continue with the private surgery then be realistic about size or you will cause yourself issues at the other end of the scale.

As for other women having this issue, well no I don't know any, yes other issues eg fissures, tearing, knotted scarring etc but not the size of what is a stretchable area anyway.

A good guide to the realities is here

Fenton · 07/05/2014 16:06

*vag

gyna said he could do me 2 fingers*

There's another thread too.

You could have a sensible adult conversation on here about it, possibly , if you used adult terms.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 07/05/2014 16:09

Vag is just a shortened term for 'vagina'. Don't see anything immature about that.

Original poster
LittleTurtle · 07/05/2014 16:12

Fenton et al. 'get your dirty mind out the gutta'.

Do me was not in anyway meant as sexual and vag is shortening for vagina.

Geez!!!

OP posts:
Feminine · 07/05/2014 16:13

I'm confused as to why a loose vagina would be of any use to anyone Confused I can't believe it could be considered a turn on...
unless you expected lots of replies about how tight some of us might be -I don't know?
So, I accept that the op is real.

But...what odd language you use.

And I would have thought that during your doctor visits he'd have used more mature terminology.

Fenton · 07/05/2014 16:15

Vag is just a shortened term for 'vagina'. Don't see anything immature about that

I do. But then I'm a grown up. OP may as well have said 'I'm off to get my foof tightened tomoz, anyone wanna share notes?'

Just my opinion.

And OP, if my mind was in the gutter I wouldn't be taking offence to the language used would I?

Lauranda · 07/05/2014 16:21

Don't see the big deal in measuring something in fingers, some people need to grow up.

Fenton · 07/05/2014 16:25

I'm sure that when I was in labour I was told how far dilated I was in terms of cms or inches, not how many fingers.

I think I would have vomited.

Original poster
LittleTurtle · 07/05/2014 16:25

Can my use of language be excluded and we concentrate at the subject at hand?

OP posts:
Fenton · 07/05/2014 16:29

yes, you get back to that, I'm out.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 07/05/2014 16:30

I do. But then I'm a grown up. OP may as well have said 'I'm off to get my foof tightened tomoz, anyone wanna share notes?'

Sorry wasn't aware that the rest of us aren't grown up.

And when you're dilating they use fingers. 4 fingers is 4cms, so not much different really just language used.

MostWicked · 07/05/2014 17:02

2 vaginal births and everything went back to normal afterwards.
I would still be able to take 6 fingers with a bit of warming up.

The whole 6 fingers thing is very odd though. If you hardly felt it, I wonder why he didn't continue to 2 full hands. I know that sounds a little crass, but so does the examination.

I know you have said that you have investigated a lot, but I really am not convinced that surgery is the best option. Have you been offered any other medical advice from your GP, or have you been referred anywhere else? I know you have tried kegels, but what about toning balls?

And the "vice like grip" really does worry me. That's not normal and it's not good for you. It's almost like you are making yourself suffer in order to ensure your husband gets a good result. A good sex life does not require a vice like grip, and sex could be painful if you end up that tight.

A good sex life is about so much more than PIV, so I am concerned that you are going through this surgery and it will do very little to change your sex life. There are things you can do that would increase pleasure for both of you, without resorting to this. Different positions, more manual and oral pleasure, use of toys etc.
Have you ever have a good, open discussion with your husband about your sex life. Your first post suggests to me that you haven't.

I fear that this is an expensive and painful solution that will not be the magic wand that you are hoping for.

FanFuckingTastic · 07/05/2014 17:31

I was offered kegels, a pessary, and electro-muscular stimulation to help with my issues before any talk of gynaecologist and possible surgery.

It might be worth speaking to a physiotherapist that specialises in this area, there are course of action before surgery that can be tried.

gnushoes · 07/05/2014 17:37

And bear in mind that it can all shrink quite dramatically when you start going through the menopause. Surgery might cause you even more problems later.

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