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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my money back!

58 replies

Missy1501 · 06/05/2014 12:11

So last year a group of friends decided to book a girly holiday for this summer. I was invited at the time I was pregnant and knew my lo would be around a year old by the time the holiday came round so I said I MIGHT come will know definitely nearer the time. So I said I would book mine separately.
A few days later they had booked the apartments and said can I pay £100 towards apartment cost and then book flights separately nearer the time, so I did this.

Now the time is here I have decided not to go , I've told them this and asked for the money back - only to be told that no I can't have it back coz it was a set price for the two apartments and only if someone else goes do I get my money back!!
Surely they should all now pay the difference between themselves - why should I pay so they all get a cheaper room? Aibu ?

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 06/05/2014 12:13

I sort of agree with them... it would be the same if you cancelled something at the last minute that you had already paid a deposit for. They booked at a cheaper rate based on you going. I think you're going to have to write it off, unless they can get someone else.

mrsbucketxx · 06/05/2014 12:15

yup i agree talisa its a deposit that's how it works.

you don't get that back

MildDrPepperAddiction · 06/05/2014 12:17

I think YABU. If you were unsure you shouldn't have paid anything. That's how it works with hols. Why should they pay more because you backed out?

Tinkerball · 06/05/2014 12:17

Sorry I agree with your friends, maybe they decided they could afford it with the original number of people going, you drop out and they can't afford the difference.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 06/05/2014 12:18

I think you will have to write it off, unless you can find someone to take your place.
You paid the deposit, if you weren't sure about going you should have said no to paying the deposit at the time.

TalisaMaegyr · 06/05/2014 12:19

I do realise that you only said you MIGHT go at the beginning - but then you paid your share of the deposit, which, to my mind, says that you're going. I'm sorry to say, but it's you that's BU here.

minibmw2010 · 06/05/2014 12:21

Sorry, but you paid your share. Did you tell them at the time there was any likelihood of you not going? If there was to be honest you shouldn't have paid anything at all. I think they're right not to pay you, sorry.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 06/05/2014 12:27

Yabu.

Joules68 · 06/05/2014 12:29

Two yabu!

As an aside, Why have you decided not to go?

eurochick · 06/05/2014 12:29

I agree with your friends - find someone to take your place otherwise it is only fair that they should not have to cover the cost of your changing your mind.

Original poster
Missy1501 · 06/05/2014 12:29

Yes I know I paid which looking back was a mistake I just thought as it was common knowledge that I was only a 'maybe' then they should be prepared for me to be a 'no'

To be honest I'm not sure how it works I just thought with apartments the more of you that go the cheaper, the less the higher the price etc! Would you not think then oh she has decided not to go so we all pay an extra £10-20?

OP posts:
Original poster
Missy1501 · 06/05/2014 12:30

Work have said I cannot have the time off and don't really want to leave my ds for a week

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 06/05/2014 12:30

To tell you the truthMissy, I think it's quite unreasonable of you to think that they should cover the cost! That's a bit selfish.

ArtFine · 06/05/2014 12:33

YABU. You shouldn't have paid deposit if you were not sure

MrsTaraPlumbing · 06/05/2014 12:33

IMHO YANBU.
You said at the time you might go, so you might not. They always new they might be splitting the cost between themselves not including you.

However, these things should have been totally clear at the time, including when you handed over your deposit.

From a legal pov, of course you are not going to sue your friends but a deposit by definition is not fundable unless you have something in writting to the contrary. So in that case everyone else is correct - you are not entitled to a refund.

LuxLondon · 06/05/2014 12:36

Why did you pay £100 if you didn't know you were definitely going?
It sounds like you wanted to keep your options open which isn't fair to your friends.

HecatePropylaea · 06/05/2014 12:37

No, I wouldn't (think oh she has decided not to go, I'll pay extra). I'd think she decided not to go why the hell should I have to pay extra!

You committed to going, you have the responsibility of either covering the costs you agreed to or finding or helping them to find someone to take your place.

Suppose half of them decided not to go and just expected the rest to pay double and felt that it really wasn't their problem?

When you make a commitment, then you honour it. If you just don't fancy going ahead, or you leave it until the last minute to book time off and then find you can't, then you make sure the other people who otherwise would be affected - aren't.

I would have agreed with you that you were not unreasonable if you had stuck to what you originally said which was leave me to it, I'll book my own stuff and they had then done it and demanded money and at that point you had said no. But you gave them the money. You could have said no, I told you I would make my own booking. You are going to have to cover that yourself. By paying it - you agreed it.

However, I also think they should help out and try to find someone else, because that's the nice and right thing to do and what a friend should want to do.

Have you begun to ask around to see who might fancy this holiday? Have they?

UnderIce · 06/05/2014 12:38

What if more decided to drop out after paying the deposit? Should they pay extra because someone changed their mind.

YABU.

Original poster
Missy1501 · 06/05/2014 12:42

I do see both sides I know they are all probably thinking why should we now pay more but they always knew surely that this could happen as I said I would see nearer the time, maybe I was being naive to assume this?
They have said if anyone else comes they will let me know

OP posts:
SoWhatNowThen · 06/05/2014 12:43

"They always new they might be splitting the cost between themselves not including you."

they are already going to split the cost between themselves, they just does not also want to refund op her deposit.

sleepyhead · 06/05/2014 12:44

Would you have been fine with it if they'd found someone else who definitely wanted to go, and a few months ago had said "sorry Missy, we're bumping you for this person, here's your money back".

Your 100 kept your place. Now you don't want it, but it doesn't change the fact that a place was kept for you which could have been taken by someone else.

YABU, sorry.

Dizzywhore · 06/05/2014 12:45

Sorry but I also agree with your friends.

TalisaMaegyr · 06/05/2014 12:45

I think you were being naive, yes. When you paid the £100, that was a deposit. To have changed your mind down the line, means that you wouldn't expect that back. Thinking that your friends should pay more to cover you so that you can have your deposit back is a bit [confusing].

UnderIce · 06/05/2014 12:45

Not so much naive as selfish and arrogant in thinking they'd fork out for your flakeyness.

Sorry, I realise that sounds a bit harsh but it's very irritating to have someone drop out like this. It causes problems both financially and in the group dynamic.

I hope they can find someone else to go and then you would get your money back but I don't think you should EXPECT it. They owe you nothing, you've let them down.

Famzilla · 06/05/2014 12:50

YABU. You paying a deposit was your way of saying "I am commiting to this". If it wasn't then you shouldn't have paid it, that's surely common sense?

Asking for your money back is a very effective way to ensure you're never invited anywhere again, ever. I certainly would think less of a friend who did that.