to think nurseries are not a viable form of reliable childcare for a baby?

[Artichokes]

DS started nursery at 8 months and in the four months since then he has had two severe vomiting viruses, four fevers with cough/cold etc, one attack of tonsillitis, one outbreak of impetigo and an endless snot filled cold. He has been too ill to go in for 19 working days since January. Every time he is ill DH or I have to take time off because we have no local family.

Every mother I talk to says "oh that's normal for the first year of nursery". Seriously? Is it? If so how on earth is nursery regarded as a viable child are option? Is it not just a tool of the patriarchy to ensure women give up on the dream of work altogether????

Yeah, I didn't understand that bit. Maybe it's a matriarchal conspiracy for fathers to give up work.

Its well known that the first year at nursery is horrendous for illnees, the only consolation is that children who go to nursery don;t get it all when they satrt school.

Having said that I think you've been unlucky with effectively a week/a month off sick.

You are quite right, OP, to think that babies at nursery get more than their fair share of illness. In France where crèche from 2-3 months is common no-one denies the much greater incidence of serious illnesses like bronchiolitis among crèche-attendees versus babies reared at home (with parents or nannies) and doctors dish out antibiotics very quickly to babies in childcare.

Up to you whether you think this is fair to babies...

it's going to happen at some point, if you kept them at home with you until 5 it would simply bugger up their first term or so of school, and they probably wouldn't cope so well with the illnesses themselves.

DD has been at nursery for 2 and a half years, and has had chickenpox, tonsilitius and various colds of varying intensity. As long as you make sure you split time of from work with your DP it's all doable.

DTS went to nursery from 8 months. They were I'll ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Never at the same time obvs, with a week break normally!

They're now at school, DTS1 has had a cold this year and DTS2 has had an ear infection. It's much easier now.

PS - both me and DH swapped days off but I was lucky and had five days carers leave with my job, so I had that and then DH took more time off (I earn more). It really wasn't fun when they had chicken pox - it was four consecutive weeks off. Which we had to pay the nursery and not get paid ourselves.

I think you've been unlucky, my DDs both went from 6 months and had very little beyond the usual coughs and colds - a couple of ear infections was pretty much it, apart from chicken pox when it swept through. They never caught D&V and outbreaks were very rare in any case.

Their sickness records at school have been amazing because they've got killer immune systems now.

I don't think that is normal! Ds has been going for 8m now and has had 3 episodes of illness bad enough that he had to stay home- it was a cold one time and croup another, and diarrhoea the third. He is older though and started at 2.5y.

I don't quite subscribe to the philosophy that says you have to exposed to all the viruses at one time or another and that you will get sicker children at playschool/school if they don't go to nursery.

Viruses mutate from year to year, that's why there's a different flu jab every year. Having got it one year doesn't mean you won't get it the next, and certainly in five years time at school age this is irrelevant.

Secondly, many of the things like conjunctivitis or D and V and so on are contagious, so if you are not in contact with people with it- you won't get it. You don't need to get these things to provide immunity and you can also get them repeatedly if repeatedly exposed. Some D and V viruses change every 6 weeks, so even if you've had it once, you can get it again in the same season.

I have had friends with children in nursery as babies and it has been a misery of illness and stress, with repeated D and V, conjunctivitis, colds that end up as ear infections and so on.

I know part of it is luck but perhaps being repeatedly exposed to infections isn't a good idea if you are already ill through lowered immunity. They seemed to be in a permanent round of antibiotics.

I know this isn't a popular view on MN, and of course if your children don't get sick much, nursery is a really good option because it doesn't matter if the staff go off sick, they are still open. I still think you are more likely to get sick if you are around sickly babies all day and would factor this in to my decision-making if I had a baby that got everything going- they can end up being pretty much ill the whole of their first year.

I did used to avoid baby groups if my dd had had a bad couple of weeks of illness though, she would go and within two days, be ill again. There got to a point that the fun of going to them was taken away by knowing it was just a huge germ exchange, I think partly exacerbated by the fact that the toys were never washed and the whole place a bit manky. Sometimes I just couldn't face another sleepless night over an avoidable illness and surely some are avoidable.

I have never taken a day off when the DCS were ill, just arranged to work from home on sick days. Will your work not offer this? I arranged it as a condition of returning to work after mat leave as I said they'd get more work out of me that way.

I can only take leave in the school holidays and can never work from home. DH is the same. It's a bloody nightmare.

We have two older kids who never went to nursery and certainly didn't get this amount of illnesses on starting school so I don't think it's true that its now or school and inevitable at some point.

The nursery seems v clean, I think it's just what happens if loads of babies are kept in close proximity with loads of toddlers and they all spend their days licking one another. DS also clearly has a battered immune system so now has no hope of fighting anything off.

We are in A&E at the moment waiting for a consult on his wheezy chest. The triage nurse recognised DS and welcomed him by name...

It is untrue that DC who have been to nursery get ill less when they start school than DC who have been at home. Recurrent ENT infections in under-3s damage the immature respiratory system and make childhood illnesses more likely.

I'm sorry it does sound rough. For sure some of it is luck. You are unlucky not to have family nearby as well. Are there any other childcare options open to you?

I hope A&E get to the bottom of the wheezy chest.
But I have to say that I don't think your experience of nursery is necessarily typical. My DD went 4 full days per week from 8 months. She had absences due to chicken pox and conjunctivitis, but that was all in her whole 4 years there.
Since she's been at school she's had 100% attendance.
I realise that I've been extremely lucky (so far) but unfortunately it seems you've been unlucky. Hope your DS soon gets to full health.

My son was constantly sick when he started nursery at 8 months. I think getting bronchiolitis at 11 months has affected him long term. Having said that, my dd has been off for about 18 days in year 2 at school. It has been a nightmare trying to work (freelance) and I have pretty much given up.

But it is just a sucky fact of life that kids get sick, some get sick a lot, and someone has to look after them.

The immune system gets stronger wth exposure, not weaker, so it soubds like you just have a sickly kid.
Yabu.

I agree with Bonsoir. The age of infection matters as to the long term impact on immunity.