to think nurseries are not a viable form of reliable childcare for a baby?

[Artichokes]

DS started nursery at 8 months and in the four months since then he has had two severe vomiting viruses, four fevers with cough/cold etc, one attack of tonsillitis, one outbreak of impetigo and an endless snot filled cold. He has been too ill to go in for 19 working days since January. Every time he is ill DH or I have to take time off because we have no local family.

Every mother I talk to says "oh that's normal for the first year of nursery". Seriously? Is it? If so how on earth is nursery regarded as a viable child are option? Is it not just a tool of the patriarchy to ensure women give up on the dream of work altogether????

The other options are to use a childminder or get a nanny.

YABU - it's fine as long as you allocate your entire holiday allowance (both parents if you're unlucky) to looking after randomly sick baby and you have an understanding boss. Obviously if you want to do anything else with your holiday or you are required to pre-book holiday then YANBU. I do think people underestimate how often a young baby (or even toddler) will be off sick at nursery.

Some illness is normal - the constant low level runny nose / cold certainly is but this is because it is also tied in with teething. With a dose of Calpol it shouldn't be enough to stop them going in.

However with that list of illnesses I'd either be concerned about your son's immunity levels or the cleanliness and hygiene at the nursery to be honest (probably the latter)

It's either that or they get all those nasties when they start school. They have to be exposed to other kids at some point so it's inevitable that they'll catch everything when they are. Sorry.

If it's any consolation I'm going through it with DD at the moment. But I know from DS that it gets better - I can't remember the last time he was off. Hang in there - the patriarchy won't beat us!

Oh dear, I think you have been very unlucky - my two both went from 6 months, DD full-time for a year and then both for 3 days a week. They were very, very rarely ill, although DS did get measles before he was old enough for the MMR. Thankfully it was a very mild case, but I think just about all the babies in the nursery caught it.

Snot is a tool of the patriarchy?

Ok.

If you yield to this patriarchal model and stay at home playing with glittery shit until your kid is 5, guess what? They'll spend their first year of school coming down with every virus under the sun.

I think it's less to do with men wanting to turn us into cake baking pinny wearing Stepfords and more to do with, you know, bodies developing immune systems and such like.

In dd's first year of nursery she had tonsillitis requiring antibiotics 4 times, an undiagnosed rash thing, scarletina and threw up twice.

She was 3.

My dd didn't go to nursery or even really socialise and from 8 months to 18 months she was ill constantly. Some children are sicker than others.

My two had colds, sickness and chicken pox through nursery when babies - when they started school they seemed to have gained an immunity and were unaffected by whatever was doing the rounds.

I think you could argue that there's a pre-ordained number of illnesses a child must go through from 0-5 (apart from hygiene-related D&V which is the mark of a truly bad nursery) and you've compressed the schedule.

I remember being shocked at how continuously sick my son was for 18 months when we moved from one country to another (not exactly the same) and I found it very hard to cope - recover from an ear infection, move into a stomach bug. I feel for you OP.

Both of mine came down with various illnesses in the first 3 months of nursery. Then their immunity built up and they were rarely off. I've heard this is normal for all children when they are first exposed to so many other children at close quarters. If it doesn't happen now, it will happen at preschool or school. Don't worry, the sickness levels do drop off fairy quickly!

I wouldn't say that level of illness is normal.

It is normal for them to have a snotty nose and cold for a few months while they settle in. All those babies swapping snot on toys means they catch everything going. But if the nursery is clean and enforces time off for illness other than colds, then the levels you describe are not normal.

It got better for us after about 6 months. With my nephew it took a year. Since then, they've hardly been ill at all - their immune systems are really good now!

I am also hoping they won't be so ill when they start school as they've already had so many viruses. Time will tell for that one.

DD was at nursery from 9 months, full time. Since then (15 month) she's had one day of with sickness and 7 for chicken pox. DP and I have shared the leave. So on the anecdotal evidence YABU.

I think you've been unlucky. DD has been going to nursery for 7 months and has only had coughs and colds, no days missed. Everyone tells me nurseries are germ factories but it also seems to depend on the child, some kids are more illness prone than others I guess

But it is normal. My DS has had 3 lots of diarrhoea and vomiting lasting a week, colds and coughs, various temperatures and an ear infection when he started nursery.

Now he's been there over a year it's all settled down. They're going to get ill at some point and suddenly being in contact with loads of other children, it's going to happen, they need to build up an immune system. I'm not saying it's not a pain though, we don't have childcare either so it's a lot of time off work.

YABU. As soon as your child starts mixing with other people or children they're going to start having illness. It just builds up their immune systems. My now 14 year old was like this but once he started school at 4 he's not had one day off sick from school and his 10 year old brother has only had days off in relation to his asthma.

Yes, it's typical to come down with everything in the first months in group care (though it does sound as if you've had the bad luck to have encountered a lot).

It often comes down to when you want it to happen - for children pick up a spate of illnesses when they first go into groups where you do it as a baby, a toddler or a preschooler.

The transmissibility of germs in groups is biology, not patriarchy, and as ores have pointed out other childcare options are available (and may be cheaper).

My son started nursery at 7 months and has hardly ever been ill, maybe once a year I have had to take time off work. Its not inevitable that you will have to take lots of time off.

When he was a baby and still slept lots in the day, my work let me work from home when he was ill as well (I would work when he napped, and then all evening while he slept to make up the hours).would that be an option for you?

I think you've been unlucky. Both of mine were in nursery from 1 year and both had a lot of snotty nose/cold type viruses but nothing else. Dd didn't get chicken pox until she was at school. After about 18 months old neither of my tie have really been ill again having built up their immunity. They need to be exposed to these viruses at some point - if not at nursery, then at a childminder or school.

It's normal, either your child is especially sickly or you are over reacting to normal childhood illnesses, 19 days toooooo ill to go in seems the excessive part to me. Is he a PFB ?

Sorry you've been having such trouble, my two both started nursery at 9 months and hardly ever been sick. Sometimes it's just bad luck.

I think you've been unlucky. Ds1 had a couple of ear infections and chicken pox; ds2 has barely had a day off. They only go 3 days a week which helps as it is more likely they will be ill and can at least start antibiotics/get over D&V on non working days.

My dd went to playgroup at 2 and a half and was constant sick for that first year. Since then she maybe gets ill once or twice a year.

We had babies in our baby room who were always ill while others were fine. It's really just bad luck that your baby is probably building up their immune system.

I think babies just get ill - regardless of where they go. My childcare is with family and DD has still had hand, foot & mouth, chicken pox and an ear injection in the last 4 months, since I returned to work! Typically she didn't have anything before that though!

DD is similar although she started nursery at 18mo. Our doctor said that we should expect two winters of endless colds etc. and she's had almost constant colds, chicken pox and D&V (thankfully the latter only once).

I understand how you feel as dd was constantly unwell, to the point where we have taken her out for a couple of months to allow us all to recover. I caught everything she did, but given I was also up all night with an unwell baby I became so run down and unwell I ended up in hospital. A lot of the problem is down to the nurseries not enforcing the rules round children not being allowed to attend when they have certain illnesses, so I think inconsiderate parents are largely to blame. I know it's a pain to have to take time off, but sending a child to nursery with oozing eyes, or D&V is plain wrong. I saw plenty of obviously ill children at drop off.