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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else self sabotages with constant procrastination when it comes to studying?

233 replies

NickiFury · 03/05/2014 16:04

I've two essays due in by next Thursday. They are finals, so important and yet I have just twatted around for weeks, they'll get a passing mark, they always do but probably not nearly as good as it could have been. I've exams next month, again I will pass most likely but not nearly as well as I could have done.

I love the subject and achieving a degree means a huge amount to me (no encouragement or possibility as a child or teenager), I will always regret this if I screw it up, it's my last chance really, got transitional fees with the OU. I won't be as educated as I could be even if I pass simply because I couldn't be arsed.

So WHY? WHY? Do I do this? I have two autistic children, home educating one of them and am a single parent, it's hard, once they've gone to bed, I'm so knackered I just want to veg in front of the TV, but with self discipline I could easily find the time. Is anyone else like this? and if anyone could explain the psychology behind it that might help.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 18:25

But yes I'm like this. I convince myself I've been too busy today or I'm too tired so deserve a night off. It's been particularly hard because I've been off for a couple of months ill so have seven assignments, now 5 and a bit, to complete.

teaandthorazine · 04/05/2014 18:26

7000 words?!

You definitely deserve a glass of wine. A bottle, in fact!

TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 18:27

Ah thankyou teaandthorazine Wine I'm quite proud of myself! DP has been providing brews and water, his mum made dinner for us bless her soul!

MyDHhasnomemory · 04/05/2014 18:37

Tf

MyDHhasnomemory · 04/05/2014 18:37

Tf

Original poster
NickiFury · 04/05/2014 18:43

OP here. Now I have two days to write my first essay and still not a word written. I DID have a look at The Question last night though so I am on my way! I took my children to the park, walked the dog twice, went shopping and am now watching Strawberry Shortcake with dd. I will start when dc have gone to bed, it's impossible to concentrate when they're up. "Muuuuuuuuummmm!" Every five minutes sends me through the roof.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 18:46

What is it that you're doing OP or would you rather not say?

I'm doing Access to HE Health Diploma Level 3 at the mo

ballsballsballs · 04/05/2014 18:48

That's amazing Tequila! I've done 2k ish words, research, a bit of translation and an essay plan.

Babymamaroon · 04/05/2014 19:32

When I was a student I fell into this trap time and time again. It's very hard to self-motivate all the time.

I shall send you studious vibes and tell you to buckle down :)

Original poster
NickiFury · 04/05/2014 19:46

I'm doing a degree in Childhood and Youth studies Tequila with the OU.

I did an access to maths and science a couple of years ago abs was exactly the same on that. I am useless.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 19:51

Ah I was going to do a few units with OU but decided on this course instead. how are you finding it, obviously barring the procrastination ha

Original poster
NickiFury · 04/05/2014 19:53

Well I love it and find the subject really interesting, I read books on it for pleasure! But when it comes to actually studying I just can't get my arse in gear. Thing is if I wasn't HAVING to study it I would read those text books just for interest. I honestly don't understand myself Confused.

OP posts:
enormouse · 04/05/2014 19:55

Well done tequila. Wow 7000 words. And ballsballs

I've managed about 1000 words and lots of research today so I'm stopping now too. Everything's starting to look like alphabet soup and my reports getting a bit rambly.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 20:00

I'm exactly the same nicki! Before I started the course I would often research stuff for pleasure, read books, do quizzes etc. Now it's a drag!

TequilaMockingbirdy · 04/05/2014 20:01

Thankyou and welldone yourself!

crazynanna · 04/05/2014 21:23

Got a jolt today with a Twitter request from my lecturer-tutor who I am doing the exam on the 14th
It spooked me and I had a darty eye m

crazynanna · 04/05/2014 21:24

Darty eye moment thinking he knew I had done no revision

Still done sweet FA

JadziaSnax · 04/05/2014 21:39

I'm procrastinating right now. One EMA down, one to go and I'm on here instead.

Reenskar · 04/05/2014 21:43

Have done it for years. Thrive off the stress and pressure of the last minute; it's totally illogical and ridiculous. Took two weeks off work to revise for my GDL exams and spent 10 days gardening instead (I hate gardening) until the pressure was sufficient for me to crack on!

Wish I had some advice but all I can say is....you're not alone!

CantUnderstandNewtonsTheory · 04/05/2014 22:05

Thanks so much for starting this thread! I drive myself crazy procrastinating all the time! I'm off to read the links (instead of writing the essay I have to hand in next week) good luck finding some motivation everyone.

ballsballsballs · 04/05/2014 22:07

I've given up for tonight, crack on at silly o'clock tomorrow morning. Good luck all :)

wol1968 · 05/05/2014 00:39

I did this all the time at uni and ended up with a 2:2 instead of a 2:1. In the years I've had to dissect the problem I've realised I was not so much brought up with, as lived and breathed, constant pressure to achieve. My parents weren't quite the caricature 'you got 80% - what happened to the other 20%?' but it was a silent given that you should go to an RG uni, the sixth form I went to was insanely competitive and if I didn't get good marks I was automatically considered lazy (because otherwise I would have been thick, and that was out of the question) and to top it all I have a congenital mild hearing impairment that can make me appear slow on the uptake and socially awkward in large gatherings. (So maybe I am thick after all, no?) All this makes a very fragile foundation for challenging yourself in any way. The minute things got busy and stressful, my self-esteem would crack apart and the gremlins would be telling me I was a whole variety of rubbish and fake and lazy and weak. In my final year I broke up with my boyfriend and had three of my friends suffer serious mental health problems and I probably didn't deal with that as well as I appeared to, because that was when I really started taking the piss with deadlines.

I now think that it's important to recognise, work around, and occasionally give in to your limitations, when you're too tired, or too busy with other things, or your concentration is not up to par for whatever reason. I like the message about the perfect being the enemy of the good. In fact, demands for perfection are the enemy of everything that's real.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 00:46

Good post wol

I was always a high achiever, gifted and talented, NAGTY, highest test scores in the NW, etc etc. Trips for weeks at a time to unis, including cambridge and oxford. They all thought I was supposed to be some little genius. The pressure was immense.

By the time I got to yr11 I was fed up. Never went into school, never revised, was a little shit to be fair. I still ended up getting all A-C's although I didn't deserve them. Parent's were disappointed. But I think they understood.

Now though I don't want to ever do less than what I can do. I'm doing my access course, have all distinctions so far despite being off for a couple of months with ishoos. So again, the pressure is back yack. Good thing is though I've got into uni so that's a weight off my shoulders - although I'll probably not feel the same when I start.

TheWanderingUterus · 05/05/2014 11:09

That all makes sense Wol, I come from a similar background, I felt often that my parents were only proud of me for my academic acheivements. It was a toxic atmosphere for my brother who was not at all academic and was forced down paths that weren't right for him. He no longer sees our father for this reason, ironically he has done better materially than me and all my A grades. We both have long term issues with self-esteem and self confidence, although he manages them better and suffers less with imposter syndrome.

It has backfired on me too, I have reached a level where I just cannot do things at the last minute any more, so I am having to learn new skills from scratch.

Needless to say I take a more benevolent neglect style of parenting with my own children.

SnowCoveredHills · 05/05/2014 11:37

I think Wol is right, I'm the same - I was 'The Clever One', and faced constant, if fairly benevolent, pressure to achieve. I would feel embarrassed by my parent's boasting about my achievements, and I still try to hide from the worst of it.

I coasted through my degree, left everything to last minute, probably gave it about 70% effort. I got a 2:1. I later found out that I had exactly the same final score as one of my classmates who was awarded a First. But they felt that as he had been more consistent with his grades throughout, and they only awarded a limited number of firsts and were already over the usual amount, they gave it to him and not me. And I felt that was completely fair, I knew I didn't deserve a First because I didn't try hard enough.

I have been the same ever since. I have just won a new job, which I crammed for the interview at the last minute. I still feel that I don't deserve it.

I'm supposed to be catching up on work today - still haven't started it. Why do I put myself through this???