This is embarrassing but I have no friends. I've never really had friends to be honest - in Year Four at primary school I became 'friends' with a girl in my class and that was okay for about a year or so until she went off with another girl, leaving me out. I say we were 'friends' because I found out recently that she didn't actually want to play with me but her mum and the teachers made her so I wouldn't be alone. It was pretty much the same in secondary school and college - no friends and I was always alone.
I always make an effort to be nice to people and I would never intentionally be mean or hurt someone but I am socially awkward. I don't really 'get' people if that makes sense - I find them confusing. I always want to fit in but I don't always know how to engage with people or know when it's my turn to speak. I always end up making a fool of myself by saying something embarrassing or inappropriate but not realising it. Sometimes I genuinely do not know when it's my turn to speak or what to say so I just stay quiet.
My social awkwardness has meant I was bullied at school and college and even at work. Some of it was really nasty and aggressive but I won't go into that. I've even had people tell me that I'm a 'weirdo' and a 'creep' which upsets me because I try so hard to fit in and make friends but end up failing .
I'm now 23 and I honestly cannot see things improving. Like I said I've never really had a friend so when I hear people talk about how they are such good friends with x, how they can tell them anything and talk to them about anything and just seeing them have a good time together makes me upset because I've never had a bond like that and I desperately want one. Except I don't know how.
I've spent ages trying to figure out what it is with me and why I'm the way I am - I'm an only child but I know lots of other only children who aren't socially awkward and are outgoing, popular and have plenty of friends so I don't think that's it. I can't figure out what else it could be though.
Is there any hope or am I destined to be a friendless loser forever?
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To wonder if I'm destined to be a socially inept loser forever?
67 replies
MaggieDoesntGoHereAnymore · 02/05/2014 20:47
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