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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with what MIL said to DS and DD

40 replies

Rollergirl1 · 01/05/2014 21:09

DS is nearly 6 (in a few weeks). He has always rocked himself to sleep. I have sought numerous advice and have always been told that is just a self soothing thing and he will grow out of it. MIL has never been happy about him doing it. DC's spent a week of the Easter holidays with PIL's. They do this regularly and am totally happy with them going there.

But DD said today that MIL said that DS shouldn't rock because it will give him brain damage. DS also said that she said that to him every night when he went to bed to stop him from doing it.

I am not happy with her saying this at all! This isn't right is it?

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2014 21:11

no she is a silly moo tell her to mind her own he isn't doing any harm brain damage indeed

ihatethecold · 01/05/2014 21:11

That's an awful thing to say, I would be having words about it.

Why do people do these things, the mind boggles.

deakymom · 01/05/2014 21:11

no its not there is no reason why he shouldn't rock himself my son still takes a blankie to bed with him and he has been known to resort to rocking like he did as a baby

motherofmonster · 01/05/2014 21:12

seems a bit ott to me.
If your son is rocking himself to sleep i would imagine it is a gentle soothing rock not a thrash metal kind of headbang so doubt it could do any damage at all

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2014 21:13

dd used to take a silky (was a label from a vest) to bed with her till she was 9 tbh i am sure she still has one stashed, my mum told her she was to old for it when she was 4 , I gave her as my sister had a dummy till she was at least 6

iklboo · 01/05/2014 21:13

There's more movement in him walking & running about than in rocking himself to sleep.

Maybe she'll get constipation - cos all the poo comes out of her mouth.

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2014 21:14

I bet we all have going to sleep rituals as grown up I know i do i have to be on my left side and my pillows have to be bent under , please say it isnt just me

drinkingtea · 01/05/2014 21:15

It isn't right. My MIL is also great with the kids but says some stupid things to them - she made my laid back about insects older kids hysterical about wasps and spiders after a 2 night stay 2 uears ago, took over a year to undo it... my mother says more damaging stuff, passing on her boarderline dangerous food/ body image issues with a hefty side salad of sexism, but she never has them overnight - for a while I didn't even want her alone with them. I'd tell your DS she is totally wrong, and probably that's something people used to believe days"the olden days"

baddyfreckleface · 01/05/2014 21:15

No I would be pretty angry about that too. I think maybe I would have to mention it to her although I am rubbish at confrontation!
Could you just chat with her about it as if you don't know what she has said and mention that you have discussed it with an 'expert' whose advice was to not comment on it at all and he will grow out of it eventually. Also say something about DS having a 'funny' idea about it giving him brain damage in a 'where did he get that idea from?' way?

cees · 01/05/2014 21:16

My friend likes to soothe himself to sleep by gently rocking his head from side to side, he made it into his 30's without incident and merrily continues to this day. I wouldn't like if I had to sleep next to a rocker but luckily I don't.

Mil needs a talking to I think, silly cow.

tobysmum77 · 01/05/2014 21:17

ridiculous woman. No other comment!

Nunyabiz · 01/05/2014 21:17

What a meanie! tell her you don't lie to your children to manipulate them into behaving certain ways that only she considers to be a problem and in actual fact is not a problem (but lying is!)
I had an ex boyfriend (38) who would rub his feet together to get to sleep lol. I thought it was quite quirky and endearing. My DD strokes her blanket to get to sleep. She doesn't even know she's doing it. It's very sweet.

baddyfreckleface · 01/05/2014 21:18

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2014 21:21

Silly woman!

I sometimes lay on my side in bed and rock for about 10 mins to get rid of excess energy.

Good job DH doesn't get sea sick

ChampionofWitterers · 01/05/2014 21:21

What harm is he doing rocking himself to sleep?! I assume it's just a soft sway and not pretending he's in a mosh pit at a Megadeth concert.
She should just leave him be. What a stupid thing to say to him. He'll grow out if it in his own good time.
I used to suck my thumb on going to sleep up until about the age of 7 or 8. I just naturally grew out if it. He will too.

elfycat · 01/05/2014 21:24

I had a comforter into adulthood (soft cloth to rub over lower face) and if I'm honest my pillow still has that softness and I'm nearly 43)

I stopped when I was ready and when my DM would ask when I was going to stop I would reply 'when I find a good drug supplier to replace my harmless habit with'.

What does it matter if he rocks? I think everyone should have a harmless way to unwind at the end of a day. MIL should be told a) not to exaggerate/lie b) to mind her own business and c) to leave parenting to the parents. Maybe slightly diplomatically.

EverythingsDozy · 01/05/2014 21:26

How bizarre! I have nothing to add but just wanted to ask how he does it? I don't think it's weird, I'm just curious if he sits up and rocks back and forth or in the foetal position and side to side or what? I can't think of how I would rock myself to sleep!
Sorry if you don't like me asking, I don't want to offend

Sparklyboots · 01/05/2014 21:26

WRT? My DM has a line in lies for compliance, too. I'm unable to offer you any strategy for ending it, unfortunately. It's a deeply unpleasant lie, too. Obvs the rocking really bothers her - is she able to say what she inks the problem is?

Sparklyboots · 01/05/2014 21:27

Ha, fuck my kindle. *WTF obvs

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 01/05/2014 21:28

i still have my blankie and i am about 30 years older than your ds too old

Ploppy16 · 01/05/2014 21:30

my usually great MIL comes out with shite like this amd unfortunately has passed it on to her Sons. it's like the normal rules of biology don't apply in this particular case so I've had gems such as watching a thunderstorm through a window will kill you, DS got chicken pox because we walked home from nursery in the rain (not.because he attended a nursery full to the brim with poxy kids you understand, the rain did it) and more recently that DD will be a nervous adult because she chews her hair when concentrating.
She gets told. As does.DH if he starts, usually a request to see the medical qualifications does the trick...

Original poster

Rollergirl1 · 01/05/2014 21:31

I've asked him about it and he says that it helps him "to dream". I don't think he even does it anymore when he first goes to bed but if he wakes up in the night then he rocks to help himself get back to sleep. It's not vigorous just rhythmic.

She also told DD (8) that if she read in the car that she'd feel sick, despite never having any signs of travel sickness. Now DD won't read in the car because she thinks she'll be ill.

She's a lovely woman but she doesn't half come out with some stupid things!

OP posts:

Amber76 · 01/05/2014 21:32

I used to rock myself to sleep for years as a child - literally, lying on side and moving my upper body forward and back. Not sure when I stopped but maybe around 12/13. Found it very comforting. And I'm not brain damaged....

Mrsjayy · 01/05/2014 21:34

DD was told by her grandma she would get square eyes if she sat to close to the tv poor kid used to stand outside her grandmas livingroom to watch telly

Original poster

Rollergirl1 · 01/05/2014 21:39

Everything: he just tools from side to side whilst he is lying down. It doesn't last for long, a minute or so. He used to make a noise to accompany the rocking but doesn't do that anymore.

Sparkly: I think she genuinely thinks he will get brain damage if he does it. But she has never talked to me about it, I think because she realises that I will tell her she's mad!

OP posts:

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