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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this present was Ok?

199 replies

Miren · 01/05/2014 17:53

Recipient: Woman, early 30's. Professional, no children.

Giver: 3 young children.

Occasion: Birthday

Gift: Homemade pink lemonade in nice glass bottle. Homemade cookies wrapped with homemade gift tags and a handmade card.

We don't know her very well so I thought this was a way to be generic whilst personal. It wasn't very well received.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 01/05/2014 20:34

She sounds as if she doesn't realise you have to bow down and worship at the amazing cuteness of children altar

Hmm

She doesn't have to do that, but she should show good manners.

TimeForAnotherNameChange · 01/05/2014 20:50

I'm a big homebaker (my stash of biscuit cutters is legendary!), home-preserver and sweet maker, but I would never give homemade stuff to people I don't know well. It just isn't appreciated by many people, sadly, and I'm not going to waste my time and ingredients on ingrates!

Littleturkish · 01/05/2014 20:54

I have a fear of receiving food as a gift- not because of hygiene, but because I'm a bit scared of food. However, I would like to think any time I have received it, I've made the giver feel like it was the best gift ever.

My brother gave me a recipe book for my birthday once. Nearly had a melt down inside- outwardly, smiles and hugs.

Hopefully it was just awkwardness rather than rudeness.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/05/2014 20:58

I would have been grateful, but I'm another one who doesn't eat food made by children other than my own. But I wouldn't have shown that.

Hassled · 01/05/2014 20:59

I'm a bit iffy about home made food gifts too (this stems from one specific occasion - getting a home-made cake from a colleague whose kitchen I had seen and wanted to retch at) but even so I would smile and gush and generally be polite (as I was with said colleague, who meant well even if she had no concept whatsoever of hygiene).

LineRunner · 01/05/2014 21:08

I never knew that people thought children were polluted.

ChampionofWitterers · 01/05/2014 21:25

Sounds fine to me. Any present "not well received" is probably more than the recipient deserved, imo.

Exactly this. Ungrateful mare. I'd get her what she deserved next year instead. Nothing. Even if you don't like a present, you thank the giver and express your delight. It's called being courteous and polite.

BillyBanter · 01/05/2014 21:29

It was a perfectly nice and thoughtful present.

OK, it might not be something she likes (but the joy of consumable presents is you don't have to have them on display for months) and she might be someone who doesn't like homemade food because she thinks it will be unhygenic but that is no excuse for not being graciously thankful when they gave it to her. She was very rude to your children.

LineRunner · 01/05/2014 21:32

Are the posters who think that children cooking under supervision is unhygienic even remotely aware of what goes on during the night shift at a certain biscuit factory??

Thetallesttower · 01/05/2014 21:34

Linerunner I was thinking along the same lines, hope some of these posters never ever eat out at a restaurant, and I mean never. I have worked a lot in catering when I was younger and I'm amazed I still eat out, given what I've seen!

BillyBanter · 01/05/2014 21:40

I worked in a hotel kitchen when I was a teen. It was very hygienic. It can't be the only one.

But yeah, I (mostly) have the attitude when it comes to food, that what you don't know won't harm you.

If, as you say, people would never eat out if they saw what goes on in kitchens then there is obviously a lot going on in kitchens against best practice that doesn't harm us at all.

ChampionofWitterers · 01/05/2014 21:46

Young children aren't renowned for cleanliness tho .....did they help make them? I'm thinking along the lines of snot/worms/poo/wee...

Charming, I'm sure. Do you have children? I bake with mine every now and again. They thoroughly wash their hands before any food preparation and baking.
They don't go grubbing for worms just before I call them in to stick their hands in the mixing bowl. Confused Hmm
Nor do they put their finger in up to the knuckle to pick for a booger to promptly lose it in the mix. Hmm
Do you bake? If so, how do I know you haven't scratched your arse or brushed a stray strand of hair dangling over the mixing bowl before serving it?

pandarific · 01/05/2014 21:52

As a professional childless 29 year old I think it's an okay present. I would have liked a nice candle or idk a bath oil or something more probably, but that's just me - it's very individual.

I think it depends on how well she knows the children. Might seem a bit random small children making her a present when she's just met them - you said she was his new GF? I can see that being a bit awkward if she's not very into children (not a sin). Orrrr she may just be, like 1/4 of women, on a permadiet, and be a bit disappointed she can't eat the stuff.

Was there anything else going on at the time? Any tensions?

BillyBanter · 01/05/2014 21:53

The point is that even if they had made her booger cookies and arsewipe lemonade she should have smiled sweetly and said thank you very much. I'm going to enjoy these tomorrow.

TheNewSchmoo · 01/05/2014 21:53

In all honesty, that present wouldn't float my boat. Not really into "crafts", but I would certainly never be so rude as to let on to the giver, especially if they were children!

HenI5 · 01/05/2014 21:53

Does it really matter if the recipient was keen to consume the gifts or not (for whatever reasons) Has no one here ever feigned pleasure at vile smelly gifts or something totally unwanted?

Good manners require smiling thanks regardless.
BIL's new GF is ungracious.

pandarific · 01/05/2014 21:56

Not debating that you never, ever (how rude!) show displeasure at receiving a gift, just answering op's question.

littleredsquirrel · 01/05/2014 21:58

I would have been delighted at the thought put into it and would have shown the children how pleased I was (but I'm another I'm afraid who wouldn't eat stuff prepared by another's children). Please don't feel bad about it though because I seem to be a weirdo in this respect. I can't eat homemade cakes prepared by adults either (although if I went to someone's house for dinner and they served me a homemade meal that wouldn't be a problem for some bizarre reason).

fisherpricephone · 01/05/2014 22:10

I think food is a perfect gift, up there with flowers. Even if you are germ phobic at least with biscuits you can throw them out after a week or so. but that is by the by, she still needed to be polite to your children, particularly since she might some day be their aunt.

ChampionofWitterers · 01/05/2014 22:11

The point is that even if they had made her booger cookies and arsewipe lemonade she should have smiled sweetly and said thank you very much.

Exactly. Couldn't agree more. Smile

grumpasaur · 01/05/2014 22:13

This is an interesting one...

Regardless of what I write below, she sounds rude (or just really socially awkward).

To give her the benefit of doubt though, I am 31 yo woman with no children, and consider myself one of the 'good' childless people who understand as much as I possibly can how difficult parenthood is and how children need and want to interact with people:

And I have loads of friends with children, 26 cousins, 13 second cousins, etc... So have been around a lot of kids.

But sometimes- sometimes- I do get resentful when someone makes something that is supposed to be about me, become about praising their children. I give so much to other peoples kids, and I have one set of friends who actually got their kids to draw us a picture as our wedding present!! They also got us a cheap bottle of sparkling... Andi did think, really? I gushed over the girls as was expected of me, but inwardly I though, really? What the fuck?!

Could there not be a bit of that, where she just didn't get it?

Caitlin17 · 01/05/2014 22:16

Maybe she felt a bit swamped.It would seem a bit odd (actually very odd) to give a present from my small children (if I had any ) to my brother -in-law's new girlfriend.

I'm sure you thought it was a lovely idea but I can understand someone feeling a bit co-opted in to your family. I've never in 26 plus years given or received a present to or from my brother-in-law and his wife and would think it really odd if we had started giving each other presents.

So yes she should have received it graciously but you're being ever so slightly precious about it.

Amethyst24 · 01/05/2014 22:16

I wouldn't have liked that gift particularly, but I would have damn well pretended to.

TartanRug · 01/05/2014 22:32

Grump my god daughter painted a picture of me and DH for our wedding and I LOVE it and have it framed in the hall. I thonk it's a lovely personal present and I don't really get the 'it's about me' thing.

pandarific · 01/05/2014 22:44

TartanRug, you 'don't get' the 'it's about me thing'? Really? That sounds a bit martyry. What do you do on your birthday, then? If it is your birthday, it is your bloody birthday (or wedding day, or whatever else). And that's okay!

IMO anyone deliberately grandstanding or attention seeking in any way at someone else's event is being an arse - particularly if it appears they're using their children to do so, like grumpasaur's mate did.

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