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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - ive just been told off by DD's teacher.

64 replies

Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 16:29

DD is 8.5 on a thursday, when i collect her, she walks round to the front of the school and waits outside the school office ( which is glass). Sometimes i get there in time, sometimes im a minute or two late, I finish work at 3 and it just depends on if there is much traffic or any parking spaces.

We have been doing this since september 2013.

DD wasnt there today, so i waited, then she came round with her teacher. I was told they are not meant to let them go, unless there is a parent. I did say that other parents wait at the gate ( which they do) and some children even walk to and from school themselves, certainly in the higher years. She said since its school liability they cant let them go.... even though DD is still on school property when i meet her.

Then she said its because she cares and would worry about DD, so now i feel like she was saying i dont care for my DD, which, of course i do.

DD is sensible, she feels happy to walk out of the playground and wait round in front of the office, which is the way she would have to walk out with me.

So, AIBU to think the school are being a bit silly?

OP posts:
Springheeled · 01/05/2014 16:33

Yabu as the school have a duty of care to your dd. It's not the teacher being judgemental in any way.

Velocitractor · 01/05/2014 16:37

In our school the parents give permission for the child to decide themselves etc if that's what they want (either a blanket permission for every day or done via an app on the specific days if now and then). Can you maybe do something like that?

LineRunner · 01/05/2014 16:38

I've seen children that age walk home on their own or with friends. Or be collected by older siblings who were only 11 or 12. So it seems a bit daft to say there has to be a parent.

Can the school give you a written policy about where your child should wait for you, in case you are a few minutes late?

Velocitractor · 01/05/2014 16:38

(So then it's no longer the teacher's liability).

HumphreyCobbler · 01/05/2014 16:39

Write a note saying the child has permission to leave her class and wait for you.

In our school the Y3 children are not picked up from the classroom, they are let out to meet their parents.

ivykaty44 · 01/05/2014 16:41

? it is the parents choice whether the student goes to school on their own not the teacher, no where is it stated the school is responsible at the end of the day - otherwise hundreds of schools up and down the country would not be letting students out of school on their own.

Hoppinggreen · 01/05/2014 16:45

From year 3 at our school they just chuck them out

ThisIsLID · 01/05/2014 16:47

What I have a problem with is the fact that you have been doing that since September and it has never been a problem.
On a safety pov, if you were really delayed, she could easily go and ask for help. She us safe and I suppose that you trust her not to run away somewhere.
On a school pov, my experience is that different schools have different rules. But by Y4~5, it is certainly normal for children to make their way back home on their own. Our school do ask the parents to sign a paper though.

I am always Hmm about the fact that schools are very strict in children heaving on their own but somehow no one follows how the same child is coming to school. They can easily come on their own every day but not be allowed to do so on the way back.

Shakirasma · 01/05/2014 16:49

YANBU

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 16:50

Well, that is what i said, what about all the children that walk to and from school on their own, which, some do at that age,and certainly most do in years 5 and 6.

I dont think shes ready to walk home yet, besides which, we live too far away, but, shes not even leaving school property. Shes literally standing, outside, the glass fronted, school office.

She is still behind the school gates.

We are hoping to move schools on one just a few roads away ( maybe a 4 minute walk), DD is most excited to be able to start walking on her own, i cant see she will be ready in sept, but maybe she will be for me to walk half way with her, and for her to go in by herself, and again when she comes out.

I just dont see the issue, shes 8.5, not 5.

Its just part of independence, shes started paying for things in shops ( i wait a little bit away) and wanting to do thing by herself.

Im not stupid and wouldnt do anything that puts her in any danger.

OP posts:
DrankSangriaInThePark · 01/05/2014 16:50

She didn't tell you off then?

As others have said, you just need to put it in writing that you give permission for her to wait for you where you want her to be. Then it's your responsibility not the schools if aliens kidnap her because you're late.

Surprised you didn't have to do it before tbh.

TrinityRhino · 01/05/2014 16:50

from year 3 at our school they are just let out

so gecko is now just let out
she has just turned 7 in feb
she has been just let out since august

I think they are being a leetle silly as I'm sure some of her friends will just be walking home themselves

DrankSangriaInThePark · 01/05/2014 16:51

The other children who go home alone will have provided a letter from the parents saying they accept responsibility.

weatherall · 01/05/2014 16:51

My DS's school just send them out the door without a second glance- even the 4 year olds!

Goldmandra · 01/05/2014 16:51

Is there another parent who would be prepared to have her handed over to them then send her round to the front of the building for you? Then the school will have discharged her from their care Smile

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/05/2014 16:52

Is this another thing to help her develop her independence, or is there another reason why you don't walk round to pick her up from the classroom?

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 16:53

I did say that e had been doing it since sept and its not great that they only have issue with it now, and havent mentioned before.

if i was going to be delayed, i would call the school office, which i have done in the past ( has happened once, due to a massive road accident)

If its raining, DD has waited in the office, she knows if by the time all the other parents have left the school, if im stil not there, shes to go into the office and tell them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 16:57

i dont walk round to collect her, as it takes me so long because im going against the throng of 100's parents, kids, scooters etc. It takes me a really long time to get round, because im going against the crowd. DD kept getting upset as she was the only child left in the playground on her own ( no teachers in sight)

So, we spoke about different things we could do, and both agreed on her walking the 150 meters or so, round from the playground, to wait in front of the office ( still behind the school gates and still in the school ground)

OP posts:
Blueandwhitelover · 01/05/2014 16:59

The teacher may have had a meeting or course to go to, or another parent who needed to talk to her confidentially or she may have needed to talk to a parent about their child.
You do need to be there on time to pick up your child, imagine if lots of people said it's not my fault I'm a few minutes late.
A one off is different but you can't expect the office to look after her. I appreciate that you are maybe five or ten minutes late but there has to be a cut off time or there would be mayhem with people not collecting children.
Children are also not keen on being the one left behind as other children will comment on it.

indigo18 · 01/05/2014 17:07

It's so ridiculous the way children are molly-coddled. You should be able to decide when you feel your child is ready to take various stages of responsibility for herself.
When I started school aged 4, my sister (aged 6) and I walked a mile and a half to school. She was in charge and had to look after me.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 01/05/2014 17:08

But she is not expecting the office to look after her dd. She is telling her dd to wait for her by the office, and trusting her to do so, which, at eight and a half, is perfectly reasonable!
And if Op finishes work at 3 , then dd has to wait.
in ds's school year 3's are just let out en masse, and the ones who have to wait for parents just play in the playground until they get collected. I can't see the problem.

alemci · 01/05/2014 17:10

it is silly. Why can't she wait in the playground until you get there. She is in junior school fgs.

I used to walk home from school when i was that age and cross a main high street. granted it was the 70s but still.

squizita · 01/05/2014 17:11

no where is it stated the school is responsible at the end of the day

What is the first thing the internet explodes with if a child goes missing (or even a teen)? Why didn't the school keep an eye!

I work with teens and in all seriousness get phonecalls where my team members are angrily berated for allowing 13 year olds to walk home with the 'wrong' friend and blamed, in writing with the local MP/paper CCed in, if the child decides to go off to KFC and turn off their phone. I've had parents stand in reception and scream "if a P**do kills her, it's YOUR fault, YOU failed her!". This is with 13+ year olds - I can only imagine what the pressure was for their teachers when they were Yr 3.

If that is what it is like with some teens, it may give perspective on why the teacher is so very cautious!
Plus, everything Blueandwhite said!

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2014 17:13

I think the problem probably is, that she's waiting unsupervised on school property.

If she waited outside the school, they probably wouldn't mind.

But if anything happened to her on school property, they would probably be liable.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 01/05/2014 17:14

The primary school DS2 went to was split in to two buildings - infants and juniors. In infants, children had to be collected from the classroom door by a recognised (i.e. parent or someone the teacher knew should be taking that child) adult. As soon as they went up to the junior building in Year 3, they were just dismissed when the bell went & free to leave.

If I was late, DS2 would just wait in the playground or by the gate for me.

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