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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - ive just been told off by DD's teacher.

64 replies

Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 16:29

DD is 8.5 on a thursday, when i collect her, she walks round to the front of the school and waits outside the school office ( which is glass). Sometimes i get there in time, sometimes im a minute or two late, I finish work at 3 and it just depends on if there is much traffic or any parking spaces.

We have been doing this since september 2013.

DD wasnt there today, so i waited, then she came round with her teacher. I was told they are not meant to let them go, unless there is a parent. I did say that other parents wait at the gate ( which they do) and some children even walk to and from school themselves, certainly in the higher years. She said since its school liability they cant let them go.... even though DD is still on school property when i meet her.

Then she said its because she cares and would worry about DD, so now i feel like she was saying i dont care for my DD, which, of course i do.

DD is sensible, she feels happy to walk out of the playground and wait round in front of the office, which is the way she would have to walk out with me.

So, AIBU to think the school are being a bit silly?

OP posts:
Cric · 01/05/2014 17:16

I don't think she meant to make you feel bad. I am a teacher and you do worry about the children and seeing the children out gives you a sense of relief... and it sounds like that is what she was saying rather than trying to make you feel bad. At our school we would except a letter of permission in KS2. It is nice that she cares about your DD :)

GretaGarbosLeftThigh · 01/05/2014 17:19

Just get to school on time then it won't be a problem.

Ubik1 · 01/05/2014 17:23

My dd1 has always gone by herself to meet me at the lower school because I have 3 children to pick up fom different locations. I've told the teacher this and she lets dd go.

It's hard giving them independence though - she walks to and from after scho activities now and we live in the centre of a large city. It's nerve wracking for me but it's important that she learns to be confident on the streets and that I trust her.

The teacher is just being conscientious - why not just put it in writing? Then teacher had evidence that this is the way you want things done.

sewingandcakes · 01/05/2014 17:24

Maybe there's been a recent incident at the school that's made them tighten up their policy?

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 17:25

I finish work at 3pm, DD finishes at 3:10 pm. I work 2 miles away from the school.
I usually get parked by 3:10, but by the time i get all the way round to the back of the playground, its 3:15, just because im going againist all the crowds, both coming out onto the road and from inside the school.

if i meet DD at the office, quite often im there before she gets there, or shes only there for a min, as its 3:12 by the time she gets round.

OP posts:
GretaGarbosLeftThigh · 01/05/2014 17:30

Well I'm sure the school don't mind that you can't get there on time and all the other parents who sort their days/work/childcare so they can too Hmm

fromparistoberlin73 · 01/05/2014 17:31

when I was 8 I got the tube to school on my own, so school are BU, write and nicely tell them

squizita · 01/05/2014 17:31

Maybe there's been a recent incident at the school that's made them tighten up their policy?
Good point. All schools have 'safeguarding memos' shared round locally. A strange man at the gate of another school means we're all on 'high alert'.

Saw a Shock one recently about a man chasing girls down the road at another school. Made me more vigilant on patrol round the area!

mercibucket · 01/05/2014 17:32

as Worra says

probably because she is waiting at the school, therefore kind of their responsibility

can she wait outside the gates?

Igggi · 01/05/2014 17:33

Has she had to wait in the office often (when it rains?) I imagine they don't want her doing that. Office staff aren't teachers and aren't meant to be minding children. Perhaps someone has complained?

Morgause · 01/05/2014 17:35

You need to be there on time to pick up your DD or arrange for someone else to do so.

alemci · 01/05/2014 17:42

surely she could stand somewhere to shelter if it rains, she won't melt. it's only a few minutes.

why would you go round to the classroom when the are in juniors?

also in secondary how could parents expect school to police their dc outside school. mine went on the train in y7 and walked from the station.

how would they survive in the real world.

the schools finish so early. that's what I couldn't get over in ps.

mine are in ss til 3.40.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/05/2014 17:42

I don't think it is the school mollycoddling the child - I suspect it has far more to do with the question of liability and responsibility if anything goes wrong - as squizita said, if anything happened to the child before she and the OP meet up, the school could be blamed, and I assume they could also be sued.

It might be better if you explained to your dd that you will be there a bit later than the other parents, but that you will be there as soon as you can. Unless there is any way you could leave work 10 minutes earlier on the days you pick her up.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 17:44

Shes waited in the office a handful of times in the winter, its open doors and usually the parents are still piling out and lots are in and out of the office at that time, becuse, like i said, im literally 2-3 mins late, if at all.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 01/05/2014 17:44

Don't be so dramatic, no where in your post does it sound like she told you off. Hmm

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 17:46

Im also not arranging childcare, paying for a whole hour, for the sake of 2-4 minutes, im a lone parent, i just cant afford that.

I cant leave work a few mins earlier either, im lucky as this day i do this ( one day a week) i managed to negotiate school hours, when they really wanted me to stay longer.

OP posts:
Blueandwhitelover · 01/05/2014 17:51

Is there not another parent who could hold onto her then?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/05/2014 17:52

Did you discuss this issue with the school before you started meeting her outside the office?

Forgettable · 01/05/2014 17:57

I would think that school has reviewed collection of children policy and this has brought your situation under the spotlight

But what to do?

From year 5 it won't be a problem ofc but in the meantime - another parent gets permission to collect dd and bring to the car park at which point you're there straight from work. That is a low key solution.

This could turn into a safeguarding issue so do think carefully before carrying on as you are.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 17:57

No i did not, as shes 8.5 and lots of children her age walk to and from by themselves.

i wouldnt dream of doing it with a younger child.

I took the extra hours on from last sept, I think she waited in the playground till after xmas and then we have been doing the waiting at the office since jan.

I dont really want to bother another parent, Some other year 3 parents wait for their children outside the gate, according to the teacher, this is also wrong, they have to hand them over to a parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Needsmorecake · 01/05/2014 18:00

a safeguarding issue?

As in, they could call social services about DD meeting me at the office?

really? thats just nuts.

Half the school is still coming out at that time, as in, not everyone has passed the gates.

How could it be a safeguarding issue? when im meeting her in school grounds , 2 mins after the let out time?

OP posts:
alemci · 01/05/2014 18:00

yes good idea about the other parent. don't pay for child care.

Forgettable · 01/05/2014 18:03

They have flagged up persistent late collection

What you do with that info is up to you

shrug

Igggi · 01/05/2014 18:05

If it's only 2-3 mins then she doesn't need to go into the office?
I still don't understand, are pupils in this year allowed to walk home by themselves, or not at all? If they are, then you just need to say she'll do that - even if the work is only to the edge of the grounds!

CrystalSkulls · 01/05/2014 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.