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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to let this one detail make me never want to speak to this person again

78 replies

lilrascal · 30/04/2014 19:31

I have known a friend of dp's for years now. nice guy, friendly, calls for tea, helps dp out a lot .. but in conversation yesterday spoke of how he once swerved to purposely hit a rabbit. he laughed. I showed my disgust, I said "I cant believe you did that, you think that's ok?" he looked embarrassed and said "well I wouldn't be insured if I damaged my van trying to avoid him" etc and making excuses. that was not what he said to begin with. I love animals ... loathe any cruelty to any animals and teach my son the same.

aibu to not look at him the same again. its changed my whole opinion of him. is that silly?

OP posts:
kentishgirl · 01/05/2014 14:46

I think he was trying to be funny. I don't think it's funny either.

Having said that, I do know a few people who will make similar comments about rabbits/pheasants etc - because they live in the country and eat game that has been shot. And they joke that this is a way to get something for the pot. I don't know if they actually do it or not. I have been told about people eating roadkill (freshly killed). Doesn't seem as bad to me. I eat game. If someone does want to run something over instead of shooting it, not really that different.

But not just for fun. Not just to randomly wipe something out of existence. Not to maybe leave behind an injured animal to die slowly.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/05/2014 17:59

Aw, no!! Poor bunny. Sad

Yeah, it's not funny. Although, I'm sure if he knew it bugged you, he'd be telling a stupid story about how he had to dramatically swerved and almost hit a parked car to avoid hitting a rabbit, like some of my husband's friends do. Hmm I'm skeptical of these stories (or at least how dramatic they are anyway), but one is in school to be a vet, so we're kind of in a circle of animal lovers anyway. :)

He was probably trying to impress you, or make you laugh. Just wait, the next time an animal story comes up, it'll be how he rescued one/avoided hitting one.

SmallPianist · 01/05/2014 18:25

Hmm. I'll probly get flamed for this, but:

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one side I abhor any kind of cruelty to animals or people, it's unnecessary. But I like to try and understand why people do what they do.

You have to bear in mind our racial heritage as hunter gatherers. We are still physically and mentally at the same evolutionary stage as we were 300 years ago or a thousand years ago, when animals were food and that is all. Men in particular have cruelty built in, or how else would we have survived as a species this long. Yes, we are reaching a stage in society when we can transcend these basic urges, but you shouldn't condemn someone for displaying a misguided instinct. Yes, he needs re-educating, but he isn't sub-human, he isn't a monster, and maybe living in this society where everything is provided for us hasn't given him - or any of us- a chance to have an experience that will help him realise that he can transcend this instinct. I've never hunted. I've never killed an animal. I don't know if I would feel enjoyment (the built in survival response) if I did, but I'd wager I'd probably feel quite guilty. I'm not at all religious - I'm a militant agnostic, but being such makes me live my life with an almost Buddhist respect for all life. Y'know, just in case there is some kind of reckoning after we pop off.

This might be his chance to learn something, and rather than rejecting him outright and treating him with disgust, this is a perfect opportunity to teach him the difference between the instinct that drove him to it, and the way we're supposed to be now. He may, treated with understanding and conversation, come to realise his error, which he clearly did as his backpedalling seems to display. Or maybe he'll remain the same and just learn intellectually rather than instinctively tat cruelty is an unworthy behaviour for a modern man.

The other aspect of this is would you have reacted with such disgust if he had (and Im being metaphorical here) swerved to hit an alligator, or some wasps, or the AIDS virus. They are all animals. Rabbits as a species have survived by being domesticated, and domestication leads to fluffiness, cuteness and all the other visual and behavioural things which make us 'like' animals (see the Russian experiment with the wild and domesticated foxes - www.liveleak.com/view?i=b30_1372049732 ). The disgust is quite arbitrary, and based on a principle we can only hold to because we live in a land of plenty. The same conversation in a third world country may have gone something like this:

'I swerved to hit a rabbit but I missed.'
'That's a shame, we could have eaten well tonight.'

It is arbitrary, he's not a monster, and a protective approach towards cute animals is just a luxury allowed us by the plenty that we live in. SO don't send him to Coventry or whatever. Just talk to him. Tell him what you think.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not like what he did, but I think you are being unreasonable to pigeonhole him as a cruel man and punish him instead of educating him and trying to bring him round to your way of thinking. You said yourself, he's a nice guy. As such he deserves your understanding, not your condemnation.

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