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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder what's wrong with quiet drinks in the pub to wet your baby's head

79 replies

Whitewaters · 30/04/2014 13:27

DH has just been invited away for a weekend to wet his friend's baby's head. AIBU to think this a bit odd?

It's something I've noticed a lot of colleagues and acquaintances seem to be doing (thankfully no close friends until now).

I don't mean just a drink down the pub or whatever (totally fine with that) but a massive do seemingly to rival baby showers and almost stag like in proportions!

For example, someone at work had a baby about 6 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago he took a Friday and Monday off work for his 'wetting the baby's head', he went away Fri-Sun with 15 mates - night out on the Fri, day at the races on Sat and then home Sun, with Mon off work to recover. Like a stag do, his mates bought his drinks all weekend. This is just one of several examples.

I've even heard people referring to it like an event everyone should be aware of, i.e. 'I've got my wetting the baby's head on Saturday' or 'my husband's booked his wetting the baby's head for the 12th'.

I know IABU, I should just mind my own business, but it seems like everything these days requires an over the top/elaborate celebration. What has happened to low key events?!

OP posts:

MollyHooper · 30/04/2014 15:31

Oh I see, poor chap.

Though I have to ask, is he tall and muscular? That may be the real problem if he's not. :(

treaclesoda · 30/04/2014 15:32

this is a new one to me. I think I'd have killed dh if he had suggested going away for the whole weekend when the baby was still only a few weeks old. But it's at times like these that I heave a sigh of relief that dh is the sort of man who would rather stick pins in his eyes than go to such an event because he's anti social

Mind you, I've never known anyone to have a baby shower in real life either thankfully.

Ubik1 · 30/04/2014 15:32

I don't get the idea that somehow you need to go off fir a 'piss up' once baby is born.

People do still go out after they have children

bleedingheart · 30/04/2014 15:33

Not heard of weekends like this. I thought it was traditionally when the mother was still in hospital and you had a pint in the pub to celebrate. Like a cigar in the waiting room. It seems a bit excessive and expensive when one of you is probably on SMP.

DH didn't want to be away from the baby at that stage. He'd probably have liked it if you could postpone it to take when they are toddlers!

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:33

Shakey - makes sense.
Ubik1 - I like your first post, not the second ;D

Owllady · 30/04/2014 15:37

Modern life confuses me and I am only 36

fifi669 · 30/04/2014 15:38

A night out, even if it starts midday and ends at stupid o'clock is fine.

A whole weekend and I wouldn't be too happy.

DP and I will both be wetting the baby's head when he arrives :)

Davsmum · 30/04/2014 15:41

All I can gather, from reading pretty much all of the responses, is that if a man and a woman are married/partners, and having a child together - the guy is only allowed out when the wife deems it's time.......?
----------------

Then you totally have not read posts properly. Its the timing and the length of time of the 'going out' - Its too soon and it's selfish at best! Of course a man should celebrate - but going out with friends for a boozy weekend could be left until much later.

squishysquirmy · 30/04/2014 15:46

Bubblebutt, you seem to have a bit of a strange axe to grind, which has nothing to do with the posts on here.

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:48

Davsmum - again, if you read my posts - I've said several times that the "weekend" thing is ridiculous.

Squishy - nope, no axe to grind, just amazed by some of the responses - my rant above was simply to add "context" to a previously unclear comment.

greenwinter · 30/04/2014 15:49

"apart from the physical recovery of the birth" there is no difference in the early days for mothers and fathers in terms of the physical reality.

I am still stunned that someone (unsurprisingly a man), can downplay the impact of giving birth so much. His wife had a caesarian section. That is major abdomianl surgery.

Loopylouu · 30/04/2014 15:52

What a pile of shit.

We have a four week old dd. if dh wanted to go and get pissed to celebrate her arrival even for an evening I would think he was a twat tbh.

Loopylouu · 30/04/2014 15:53

And for the record I've doceumentd well on here wheat a twat my husband can be, but even he wouldn't equate going out and getting pissed wih the arrival of a baby.

Davsmum · 30/04/2014 15:56

bubblebutt79

You blame your friend's wife for his situation??
His wife controls his life because he allows it. He should grow a pair.

He enables his wife's attitude by doing what she wants.

He should refuse to go along with something she arranges if it is something he does not want to do. I don't mean be nasty - just be firm that he won't have his life organised by her!

I have no sympathy for people who say they are unhappy but just put up with a situation like that.

squishysquirmy · 30/04/2014 15:58

Bubble: But the responses are almost all condemning a parent leaving their month old (or younger) baby for an entire weekend to get pissed - what is so amazing about that? Most of us don't see anything wrong with the new dads meeting their mates in the pub for a celebration. wtf has your friend with the controlling wife got to do with anything in this thread?

I would be furious if my dh had planned a long, extravagant weekend when he should have been bonding with our newborn - doesn't make me controlling or mean!

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 16:00

Greenwinter - eh?
What are you on about?!
Where have I downplayed the impact of giving birth?

Having been by my wife's side during two caeserian sections, one of them was a very disturbing, prolonged emergency section - I am fully aware of the physical and mental impact of such a (planned and unplanned) procedure. Having had to look after a new-born baby whilst the mother was still in hospital was a truly astounding experience, and one that I could never, ever forget - but it is true to say that my wife (not meaning to sound conceited) appreciates all of the hard work I did in feeding, bathing, changing both the baby and her during that first 6 weeks - I have since stopped bathing and changing my wife though

On that note - with the second section where my wife was home relatively quickly - I was simply commenting that, at this point, other than the actual recovery from physically giving birth, the father will be spending as much, if not more time (to give new mum a break) with the newborn than the mother..... this is what happened with us anyway, and with friends of ours - I had assumed that the majority of guys weren't total wankers as is suggested on here.

Crackleandpop - I'm not trying to goad, it just seems that the general reactions on here seem to be "oh, lets blame the MAN" - and over-reacting.

IkeaFurnitureAssemblyChampions · 30/04/2014 16:04

Why would you celebrate a new baby by going away and forgetting about it for a couple of days?

bakingtins · 30/04/2014 16:06

If my DH was going to send me on a "nice weekend of spa treatments and shopping" then I'd be delighted to reciprocate - still waiting on that one nearly 8 years after birth of DS1.
It's yet another feeble excuse for a ruinously expensive weekend, and I'm sure the new mother was less than impressed. Surely you celebrate the birth of a new baby with a christening/dedication/naming ceremony - involving the baby, both parents and whoever you invite, and lasting a couple of hours at most?
I've no problem with a quiet drink down the pub but trying to stretch it out to a weekend is taking the piss, the whole point is that your life is supposed to have changed so you can no longer abandon your family to go off and enjoy yourself whenever you feel like it.

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 16:06

Davsmum

I understand, and this is essentially what we've told him - and I've certainly told her before....... but yes, it's quite clearly a two-way street with those two.

back to the thread - a weekend, within the first month, is entirely unreasonable, and a ridiculous request. A day out, a few months down the line is fine.

SquishySquirmy
I completely agree with your latest comment.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 30/04/2014 16:13

Hmmm I started a thread on here last year because I had been invited on a hen weekend six weeks after dc2 was born. The general consensus was to go for it if I felt physically capable.

I wouldnt think twice of DH doing the same if it were he invited to a stag.

What sticks is that it is a weekend to "celebrate the new baby" by going away from the baby

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 16:41

Hacked - I've gone a long winded way about it, but that's what I was getting at

LEMmingaround · 30/04/2014 16:44

Where have i said that i am controlling of my partner? where have i said that i wouldn't allow him to go out on a bender? (if indeed he was the go out on a bender type which thankfully he isn't). What is this masculinity of what you speak? Being able to go and piss it up with your mates in the pub? yeah, thats really manly that is

MollyHooper · 30/04/2014 17:27

:o Lem.

I had visions of Ye Old Tavern and a bunch of Vikings having a competition to see who can balance a pint of ale on their bulging bicep the longest.

Mmm... Manly.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 01/05/2014 06:50

What sticks is that it is a weekend to "celebrate the new baby" by going away from the baby

Exactly.

So it is just an excuse for a piss up.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 01/05/2014 07:07

If my dh had done that I would have changed the locks while he was away. I think it makes a very clear statement of someone's priorities and values to go away on a weekend piss up to "wet their babies head" (revolting hairy bollocky term anyway)
And I don't care who thinks that's controlling or unreasonable.

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