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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder what's wrong with quiet drinks in the pub to wet your baby's head

79 replies

Whitewaters · 30/04/2014 13:27

DH has just been invited away for a weekend to wet his friend's baby's head. AIBU to think this a bit odd?

It's something I've noticed a lot of colleagues and acquaintances seem to be doing (thankfully no close friends until now).

I don't mean just a drink down the pub or whatever (totally fine with that) but a massive do seemingly to rival baby showers and almost stag like in proportions!

For example, someone at work had a baby about 6 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago he took a Friday and Monday off work for his 'wetting the baby's head', he went away Fri-Sun with 15 mates - night out on the Fri, day at the races on Sat and then home Sun, with Mon off work to recover. Like a stag do, his mates bought his drinks all weekend. This is just one of several examples.

I've even heard people referring to it like an event everyone should be aware of, i.e. 'I've got my wetting the baby's head on Saturday' or 'my husband's booked his wetting the baby's head for the 12th'.

I know IABU, I should just mind my own business, but it seems like everything these days requires an over the top/elaborate celebration. What has happened to low key events?!

OP posts:

Endymion · 30/04/2014 14:24

I would have thought it was a bloody big deal if dh had scooted off for a jolly weekend just after dd (first child) was born. I was an emotional wreck, crazily sleep deprived and generally completely out of my depth.

And when the other children were born, I would have still felt majorly hacked off if I was being left to hold the fort for the weekend with relatively young dcs and an even younger baby.

LEMmingaround · 30/04/2014 14:26

Bloody outrageous if you ask me - time off work for a piss up?? what about time off work to help out at home!

Bubblebut - do you have a problem with alcohol that you need to go out for a whole day drinking? Whats wrong with a few beers on a friday night with your mates? or do you have to get wasted?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 30/04/2014 14:27

bollocks to it being a southern thing! I'm from London and never heard of this. live in the north now but while pretty much everyone I know from north and south have discussed wetting the baby's head no one has mentioned an entire fucking weekend to do it!

Endymion · 30/04/2014 14:27

I also didn't bugger off for spa weekend leaving a 6 mo baby.

Not least because was breastfeeding for much longer than that.

Weekends away didn't really start up until children a fair bit older.

LEMmingaround · 30/04/2014 14:42

Endy you are right - i don't know many any women who would bugger off for the weekend with a new born baby. I personally wouldnt go off on a spa weekend either, but i think thats perfectly acceptable SIX MONTHS after the birth - i think thas the difference bubble.

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 14:59

LEMmingaround...... really? A problem with alcohol is the best you can come up with? Yes, I went out around 1pm, got in around mid-night. I had a great time - 5 or 6 close friends, good food, sun was out etc - world cup was on at the time, so football watching as well..... and, you know what, I was still helping out with our son the day after, headache or not......

I'm sure you're other half "enjoys" his 4 times a year, down to the local for 4 pints, here's the clothes you're allowed to wear, be in by 10pm nights out you "let" him have.

Or, people who actually have healthy relationships can you know, do these kinds of things without having a controlling partner (male or female), or being alcoholic.......... I'm guessing that you are someone that feels the need to control every aspect of their partner's life for some inane reason.....

LEMmingaround · 30/04/2014 15:03

You can think what you like, i wasn't trying to come up with anything. You didn't say you went out for a day out watching the footie (as i have done) or had a meal (again, ive done that too), you said you went out for a day drinking. Sorry if i misunderstood that there were other things going on too. You made it sound like a big event - when really you were down the pub watching the footie.

passmethewineplease · 30/04/2014 15:05

Fucking hate that saying, it is nothing to do with celebrating the baby, it's about going out to the pub to drink.

It gives me the rage.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 30/04/2014 15:06

It's got nothing to do with wetting the babies head and everything to do with wanting to go away with your mates and get drunk.

Bloody selfish.

Davsmum · 30/04/2014 15:07

Not wanting your husband to go away for a weekend getting pissed so soon after the birth is NOT controlling every aspect of his life!!

It doesn't mean LeMmingaround tells her partner what to do or to wear either!

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:08

LEMming - we didn't go out to watch the football - we ended up watching it whilst drinking. Eating's, you know, a kind of a part of actual living....? It has to happen.

Everything on here is taken so very literally.

Anyway - back onto the original point - OP YABU for a day out on the booze, YANBU for a weekend - weekend trips shoul dbe reserved for Stag Do's, "important" birthdays etc.

struggling100 · 30/04/2014 15:09

I think it's a totally stupid idea. In fact, I'm struggling to think of a more idiotic time for a man to absent himself from the family, and throw himself into organising and hosting a party than after a birth. Not only does it smack of horribly archaic gender roles, but it seems to increase the probability that there might be problems in the father bonding with the new addition, if he's not really focused on the birth but on the piss up that goes with it?

Surely bonding with your child and helping with the inevitable increase in work that goes with a small child is more important than this social crap? Not making yourself even more knackered with a completely unnecessary social occasion?

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 30/04/2014 15:11

sounds just like a bollox excuse for boozy men's night out.

If these guys rate drinking with the lads so much, why don't they just FORGET about babies and girlfriends and wives, and just move in with the lads, go to the pub whenever they want? idea?

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:12

Can you not actually appreciate that it actually could be to do with celebrating the birth? I agree the weekend aspect is excessive, but the guy is also entitled to celebrate this momentous occasion.

As is the lady, when she is physically capable.

Yeah - I'd leapt to an assumption from LEMming's post about "only haveing a few evening drinks is acceptable" (paraphrasing, sorry) - just the tone of the posts gave off the controlling vibes. I have friends like this who'se wives tell me they are both happily married...... not the case, but hey, as long as she's telling him that, and squeezing the drops of masculinity out of him - that's when the "no romance, no spur of the moment, he's not attentive" shit starts....!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 30/04/2014 15:12

Wouldnt think twice if they were just before the birth - one last piss up before life truly turns upside down but a weelend not long after the baby has arrived is rather odd!

PrincessBabyCat · 30/04/2014 15:15

If my husband wanted to go drinking for a weekend, that'd be fine with me. But I better be getting the next weekend for a spa visit or something while he watches the baby by himself. :)

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:18

everyone on this thread is so far removed from real life it's comical now....

Archaic gender roles? Reading the wider forum in general - the ladies on here want a Tall, Muscular, attentive, bread-winning multi-millionaire to take care of them - When all the guy wants to do is go out and celebrate? Really? (whole weekend is ridiculous though).

All I can gather, from reading pretty much all of the responses, is that if a man and a woman are married/partners, and having a child together - the guy is only allowed out when the wife deems it's time.......?

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:20

Welcome Princess Babycat - life's all about give and take, and so far, you seem to be the only person actually realising that in here! :D

MollyHooper · 30/04/2014 15:20

I have friends like this who'se wives tell me they are both happily married...... not the case, but hey, as long as she's telling him that, and squeezing the drops of masculinity out of him - that's when the "no romance, no spur of the moment, he's not attentive" shit starts

Eh?

MollyHooper · 30/04/2014 15:21

X post.

Bahahaha.

BubbleButt79 · 30/04/2014 15:26

off thread sorry

I'll be clearer MollyHooper, sorry.

I meant that - LEM's comments suggested she was kind of controlling of her partner, as in allowing him when and where to go, limits etc.

I was merely commenting (not too clearly upon re-reading, sorry) that:

I know a couple where I'm aware the husband is hugely frustrated at the whole situation, and the wife refuses to believe he is unhappy, because he simply can't be - as she arranges every aspect of his life (mainly).
If we call/text him to come out for a beer, she'll be the one to respond, either directly or to one of our wives saying yes/no.
A Taxi will turn up for him before last orders is called "just to make sure he gets home" - he lives 10 mins walk away.

Now this is a chap who let this happen after their kids were born. Never been one for messing about (cheating, lying etc - none of us are), but slowly and surely he's had any semblance of independance squeezed out of him - and he hates it.

He's tried telling her - sitting down, explaining to her - she simply ignores it, and sets them off for a day trip to IKEA.

Ubik1 · 30/04/2014 15:27

I think DP went out fir a couple of pints with his dad and brother after dd1was born...she was in special care.

It seems odd to book to go away when you've no idea what sort of state your partner and child will be in.

This whol wedding/stag/hen/baby wetting fashion makes my head spin. And how to people afford it? We can just about manage a family holiday!

Ubik1 · 30/04/2014 15:29

And bublebut - if he's that much of a doormat then he deserves never to go out. Maybe he just doesn't like you and needs an excuse.

Shakey1500 · 30/04/2014 15:29

I don't see a problem it as long as both parents are happy with the arrangement and both get weekends away. A weekend away from responsibility, knowing partner is happy, friends. booze if wanted, food- what's not to like??

It's not irresponsible if both are happy. Personally I think it's more likely that a certain percentage of parters wouldn't be willing/able to reciprocate. And that is sadder than implying//assuming it must be just because the blokes are irresponsible and fancy a piss up.

CrackleAndPop · 30/04/2014 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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