to want to accept amazing job opportunity without being judged for "deserting" my three children.

[Shreddiez]

I have three children aged 8, 5 and 1. I have always worked a 3 or 4 day week since having them. DH works full time and travels quite a bit. We have no family help but we do have a live-in nanny.

I have been offered an amazing job. An opportunity like this will never come-up again: fascinating work, good money, chance to make a real difference.

The new job would mean a lot of travel and when home I'd hardly see the kids Mon-Thurs, by hardly I mean maybe 20 mins in the morn. But I'd usually be home all day Fridays and I would get nine whole weeks leave a year that I could take over school holidays.

I intend to accept the job but am shocked by people's reactions. A friend referred to me deserting my kids, my MiL (who NEVER helps with the kids) keeps making veiled references to how sad it all is, even the nanny keeps joking how the one year old will think she is the mother.

Is it normal to suffer such passive aggression for wanting to work? Is it so bad to be out of the house 4 days out of 7 if you know you can be fully present and involved for the other three days? Doesn't nine weeks leave actual mean I will see the kids as much as someone who works three days if averaged over a year? And why do I have to justify this? Why can't people celebrate my efforts to do well at work and at motherhood? I feel so judged and its making me second guess myself and my choices.

whose

And it's a pretty big leap to suggest career missing sahp tend to hang round schools all day.

My mum is a primary school teacher and can diagnose a mother with "kiddyitis" at 50 paces.

How impressive that she can put parents into boxes on the first day of the school year and treat them accordingly. I'm sure they are delighted.

This in MN excelling itself. SAHMs are doomed to live life vicariously through their children and end up wannabee divorcees with no prospects in their forties while working mums have miserable children whose ability to form attachments is impaired.

Strangely enough, in real life, I recognised neither of these stereotypes and I'm sure many teachers would be sad to see their classroom helpers put off because others fear that they might be getting more than their fair share of the teacher's attention.

We all have to make these decisions. I took one route, each of my friends chose the route that best served them and their families. I don't see the need to put them down because their choice was different from mine and I bloody well hope they aren't judging me either!

They're a pain in the arse for the teachers or so my teaching friends tell me otherwise I couldn't care less really. Just idle conversation

I doubt they care Gold, they're too busy telling her how to teach and how their cloddish children are gifted

Right,i see we've established no one is jealous of anyone else.good to get that out way
im interested/involved in kids education.Ive never been to school trip etc as im working.
Ive never seen a solvent,career driven man given disdain in the way a woman is

Great post Gold.

Have to say as an former teacher/literacy co-ordinator I'm pretty sure I'd be fairly useful as an extra pair of hands.

Was going to dip my toe into volunteering at schools and the local library (which is having staff funding problems)whilst job hunting.

Best not bother,don't want to be seen as a kidditus afflicted pita.

"a"

"Cloddish"

Just lovely.

Retro - can you direct me to the post where I said I was never at the school to pick or drop of my children because I was off having a wonderful life that only some could dream about?

do stop being so precious,lose the face.if one want to volunteer do it
I hope No one seriously makes decision based on mn anecdotes.oh what'll mn think
Its an anecdotal forum,we all chew fat about our exoerience.and yes its our reality

I dont need to prove i have met the precious moments mamas
I have no doubt there are ghastly alpha working mums too

I haven't rtft all the way through, but having done both sides, worked 4 days a week in a job that involves travel at the drop of a hat, and then working a low paid job with anti social hours to fit around the children I can see pros and cons to both.
As more of a SAHM I am here more, but probably spend less quality time with the DCs as I am now doing all the cleaning, cooking etc. When I worked 4 very long days and travelled I was very conscious of making sure that I was very DC focussed when at home. I was probably far more organised too!
What I am doing now means I get to help out at school, go to Nativities etc, be there through the summer holidays, but I am professionally unfulfilled!

I would never judge a friend or relative for choices that they make though, I'm here to support my friends, not stand in judgement.

And on the supportive side, lots of my friends have jobs like yours, they have great family lives, and well rounded lovely children.
Congratulations on the job op!

No one is suggesting you shouldn't volunteer retro. As a qualified teacher and literacy coordinator you'll be a great asset. I do have concerns about schools needing to rely on qualified staff as volunteers because of course volunteers should be an extra over and above the appointed staff.... But that's another issue, and I've no doubt you'll be bringing great skills

Just be aware that if we're going to talk actual stats rather than anecdotes, it's perhaps more likely that the children who will benefit most will be those from families where there are low literacy levels and / or unemployment. I doubt the children with two caring and involved parents (whether they work or not) will be the most needy

This in MN excelling itself. SAHMs are doomed to live life vicariously through their children and end up wannabee divorcees with no prospects in their forties while working mums have miserable children whose ability to form attachments is impaired.

BINGO! I am ahgast at how bitchy people are about SAHMs on this thread, I am a WOHM and from reading this thread (start to end, not that busy a WOHM lol) I can say the most vitroil has been directed at SAHMs

I am fucking GLAD that there are parents that help out, do stuff as I sure as hell cant with my mingy STINGY vacation allowance

retropear dont be silly! volunteer x

Have you actually read thread?or only gleaned so called biitchy bits about housewives

I disagree. There has been criticism of 'helicopter parents ' but that's not the same thing as SAHP.

I agree that having well qualified volunteers to help out in libraries and schools is a great bonus. It concerns me that there is such a need and I wish such institutions were properly resourced... But hey, if you're going to volunteer then the more skills the better

That was responding to fromparis

i have read whole thread, actually

I am actually arguing now for the sake of it now! WHATEVER!!!

going to do some work and stop wasting time having amusing internet rat fights

Thats the point of mn,amusing rambunctious rows with strangers
Its an online forum not a safe space.
And the internet rat fights as you call it,well thats inevitable

then we are agreed. the minute I saw this thread I lurked, its all turned out beautifully

Of course we aren't agreed.im right,youre not

Is that supposed to mean something?

nope, just wanted post a little emoticom and the "dragon" fitted the bill. then again as you are scottish.....

As i am scottish what?do stop being passive aggressive,if you want to be derisory spit it oot