Who is wrong in this (very mundane) scenario? Me or DP?

[EyelinerQueen]

I am no Monica Geller but I do like to keep the house relatively clean and tidy. DP is great but a bit of a slattern. The issue of the dishes is becoming a real bugbear of mine. He thinks I'm being OTT.

I put it to you MN jury.

When I do the dishes:

I use a fresh sponge each time.
I clean everything in fresh soapy water then rinse thoroughly in cold clean water then put on rack.
If there are dirty pots I leave them till last and sometimes even fill the sink a second time rather than wash anything in dirty water.
When finished I pull the plug out and give the sink a wipe around.
I also wipe down the worktops and taps and the bit behind the taps.

When DP does the dishes:

He uses a manky sponge.
He will wash a dirty frying pan BEFORE using said manky sponge to wash my nice cups.
He doesn't rinse anything so things go on the rack with dirty suds and bits of food debris on them.
He doesn't think to use a metal scourer to clean stubborn things (like scrambled egg on a bowl) so half the dishes are still dirty when he's finished.
He leaves dirty water all over the sides of the sink and even all over the floor (How is that even possible?!)
He leaves the disgusting water in the sink with the plug in and walk away.

It is driving me INSANE. I feel like I have to clean up after his cleaning up and I'd rather he didn't do the dishes at all than do it like this.

Who is BU??

Buy a dishwasher, problem solved

I think the fresh sponge every time is over the top, as in the washing then rinsing in cold water but I am certainly swaying more towards your approach than your DHs.

I tend to rinse everything off, then wash the dishes leaving pans til last.

Yabu to use a fresh sponge each time.

Hibu for all the rest of it.

Get a dishwasher and bypass the whole issue - it's cheaper than divorce, and nicer than doing time for clunking him with a mucky frying pan.

Why didn't I think of that?!

Thing is, I really don't mind doing the dishes. I get a sad sense of satisfaction out of doing it 'my way' .

I just hate walking into the kitchen after DP has done them to see a complete mess everywhere!

He is. Of course he is.
This is not about being anal either, or having senselessly high standards, it's just the way to wash frigging dishes. My dh does it the same way as me, and I do it the same way as you.
Your dh is a clart.

Your dp is

You need a dishwasher, but also to teach him how to wash the dishes so that they are actually clean when he's finished, if there's bits of food on, they aren't clean and he has to rewash.

And yes, taking the plug out and clearing up is also part of washing up.

You have my sympthy though, we have a dishwasher (I refused to buy a house without space for one), and while DH will load it when it's his turn to tidy up, if there's no space for something or anything that can't go in (ie the carving knives or the posh wine glasses), he'll just leave it on the side, for hte magic cleaning fairy. I have tried pointing out to him that clearing up means cleaning everything up. I will sometimes conceed the 'dishwasher friendly but not space for' stuff if it's say a weekend and he will be emptying and reloading the dishwasher again, but the other stuff need washing up by someone.

I also think wiping the table (and under the table where the DCs have flung food) and making sure any condiments are back in the fridge/cupboard are part of 'cleaning up after dinner' duty, we don't agree on this either...

I know Sirzy. The sponge thing is a bit excessive.

In my defence they're really really cheap ones and by the time I'm done each sponge is pretty much ready for the bin.

Your dp is an arse.
I would have to kill him.

Sounds like both of you- you do sound a bit ocd with the fresh sponges and rinsing- how manky can a sponge be after one use?!

however, basic things like doing the pots last and replacing the water once it's too dirty to clean effectively, definitely. And maybe he should be let off the hook for not wiping around after him, but pulling the plug our and making sure there's no dried on food definitely unforgivable!

Phew it's not just me.

Mary that's another issue. He doesn't make sure the worktops are clear. I put everything away (condiments, cling film etc) but he just does the dishes and leaves everything else where it stands.

I wish it didn't bother me so much. I can feel my stress vein throbbing in my forehead every time I walk in the kitchen .

If he is going to wash the dishes,..your DP should do them properly. If he knows the 'right' way to do them then there is no excuse for being so sloppy.
You need to meet him half way a bit though and if he can improve the way he does them - don't expect him to be as thorough with all the sponge changing and rinsing/cleaning down that you like to do.

Where does he find a manky sponge? Does he hunt one down somewhere else? You don't give a sponge time to get manky!

You're both wrong, but him more so.

You don't need a clean sponge each time. If you're bothered about germs, I've heard you can microwave them but I always imagine that to be a huge fire hazard. Tip a kettle over it instead.

I wash dirty pots and pans first, before I fill the bowl with water. I do it under a running tap then give the sink a quick wipe. Obviously I think I do it the right way, therefore you're wrong.

We have a dishwasher - just a slimline one. It's brilliant, but sometimes we still have to handwash certain things, like vintage plates or naice glasses.
Yes start with a clean cloth or sponge, yes rinse things to get rid of the debris and suds, yes leave the dirtiest things till last obviously duh...and yes clean up the filthy gubbins in and around the sink at the end.

I buy 5 sponges for 19p because the thought of using a sponge twice makes me shudder so using the cheaper than cheap ones means I can't use them a second time! So I'm with you op, and for the rest of it clearly he is being unreasonable.

Dh was rubbish at washing up (ok he just didn't do I my way!) so I bought a dishwasher and it's been a marriage saver

Oh and another moan - picking soggy bits of onion and pepper out of the plug hole after I let the water out is enough to make me boke. It happens nearly every day.

I make sure all food debris goes in the bin and not in the sink!

at clart pictish. Love that word.

Are we married to the same man?

Mine also never puts anything away. So if the drainer is full rather than drying/putting away some of the things he will either

Stop washing up and just leave the stuff in the bowl or

Perch the extra stuff in another place leaving a trail if water all over the floor and whatever it is sitting in a puddle or

Just pile it all up on the drained and I will find a heavy cast iron pan perched on top of wine glasses

No need for a new sponge every time.
You should rinse in hot water, not cold.
Not sure why so many people in this country do not rinse, btw!

other than the clean sponge i am the same as you.

i think he does actually need to get all the food off and rinse. who wants to eat soap? and also empty the sink and wipe down.

that's just basics surely?

i think there's no solution except to ltb. hth

Yes to rinsing in hot as you can manage as the things dry almost instantly

starfish He stacks everything in an elaborate pile so the drainer becomes like a huge game of bloody Jenga

And don't get me started on wine glasses. I have a very precise system which includes polishing them. His includes a line of scum around the rim of the glass and smears everywhere. Thankfully he stopped even trying with them ages ago and leaves them to me.

Life is too short to argue over this. Buy a dishwasher

Well, just adding to the chorus but he's BU, obviously. ALTHOUGH I do think

• a fresh sponge each time is wasteful
• you should rinse in fresh HOT water, not cold

This morning I filled the DW AGAIN, when DP said he would do it last night. The pans I've washed in the sink. Cleaned the sides off etc. Apparently he was too tired and forgot before he went to bed!

I feel bad reading this, I've left a small plate and a glass on the side. Found these in the front room after I'd done the kitchen. I'll be the one moving them though:D

The sponge thing is a bit ott imo.

Are you sure he isn't doing the job properly so that you'll do it all the time as you do it better?

Re a dish washer, it's brilliant in the beginning, but then it either needs emptying when you want to fill it, or it's full and you've forgot to set it going, maybe that's just our house:)