Who is wrong in this (very mundane) scenario? Me or DP?

[EyelinerQueen]

I am no Monica Geller but I do like to keep the house relatively clean and tidy. DP is great but a bit of a slattern. The issue of the dishes is becoming a real bugbear of mine. He thinks I'm being OTT.

I put it to you MN jury.

When I do the dishes:

I use a fresh sponge each time.
I clean everything in fresh soapy water then rinse thoroughly in cold clean water then put on rack.
If there are dirty pots I leave them till last and sometimes even fill the sink a second time rather than wash anything in dirty water.
When finished I pull the plug out and give the sink a wipe around.
I also wipe down the worktops and taps and the bit behind the taps.

When DP does the dishes:

He uses a manky sponge.
He will wash a dirty frying pan BEFORE using said manky sponge to wash my nice cups.
He doesn't rinse anything so things go on the rack with dirty suds and bits of food debris on them.
He doesn't think to use a metal scourer to clean stubborn things (like scrambled egg on a bowl) so half the dishes are still dirty when he's finished.
He leaves dirty water all over the sides of the sink and even all over the floor (How is that even possible?!)
He leaves the disgusting water in the sink with the plug in and walk away.

It is driving me INSANE. I feel like I have to clean up after his cleaning up and I'd rather he didn't do the dishes at all than do it like this.

Who is BU??

I have my own way of doing it and I've trained DP to do it my way

Sink of hot water and fairy. I wash things in a certain order so they fit on the drainign board - mugs and cups first, then bowls, then plates, then cutlery, and then pans and pots last. Everything gets rinsed in hot water and the sponge is soaked and then used to wipe down the surfaces/taps etc.

I have a new sponge maybe once or twice a week, but we use the really cheap ones so it doesn't cost much. So, YANBU!

how does he use a manky sponge if you use a new one every time - do you not throw it away once finished?
Anyway - get a dishwasher - or get him to do another chore whilst you always wash the dishes.
Simples!

I feel your pain OP - this issue with my DH annoys me every single day. Washing up is the only household task he takes the initiative to do but I really wish he wouldn't bother.

My way:

I run really hot water, and put some in anything that needs soaking. I wash cups and glasses first then everything in order or how dirty it is. I then empty the sink, empty soaking pots then run a small second sink to clean those. I then empty the sink, rinse bubbles away and pick any bits of food out of the plug hole before wiping the sides/hob/sink down.

His way:

Put as much washing up as will fit in sink. Run water (sometimes lukewarm or even cold) and wash things in whatever order he reaches them. He rarely empties sink and doesn't clean sides or hob.

Last night I was making a cup of tea and looked over to see that he had no sponge. He was already 3/4 of the way through and had just been rubbing things with his fingers rather than look for a new sponge in the cupboard Needless to say it all needed doing again. Just don't know why he bothers, quite honestly.

www.nhs.uk/Tools/Documents/Healthy%20home%20hygiene%20self%20assessment.htm

This might help. Doubt it, but it might.

I'm generally quite the slattern but with the exception of not using a fresh sponge every time, I wash dishes the same as you, OP. I hate doing it (no room for a dishwasher, so no choice) but since I have to do it, I'm going to do it right.

I am a bit of a slattern and certainly don't change the sponge each time I wash up but (other than that) YANBU. The purpose of washing up is to clean the dishes and it's only reasonable to leave the sink clean afterwards. I wouldn't stress on which order he does things in but everything does need to be clean afterwards. He is taking the piss (dishwasher is ace though).

Yabu about the sponge

Everything else you do is exactly what I do, so you are not BU at all!

My DH has one on yours though, after doing all the above listed, he shakes his wet hands in mid air thus leaving water splatter marks all over everything in sight - does my fcuking head in

YANBU apart from the sponge thing, I just think that's such a big waste and pointless.

My DH doesn't rinse anythjng, leaves water everywhere and food in the plug hole.

OP have you ever read 'wifework'?

I love all the get a dishwasher posts. I would love a dishwasher. Only we have neither the money nor room. I despise washing up. 3x a day for years and years so far. DH never washes up.

Fresh sponge is totally over the top but apart from that your method of washing up is correct. His is manky!

Dishwashers are ace tho, would solve all of this!

I love all the get a dishwasher posts. I would love a dishwasher. Only we have neither the money nor room

You can get slim line ones. I would rather loose any cupboard space than not have a DW.

I would also rather forgo nice food, internet, socialising ANYTHING until I had saved enough for a DW :-)

Aha! Of course, I too have a home for used sponges in a cupboard for bathroom cleaning etc. I just loved the image of your DH ferreting through the house for an old sponge, turning up couch cushions, etc., possibly hoarding a stash somewhere

Yeah, tbh. with two kids I would get a dishwasher if you have the option. Especially b/c it will be a clean slate: you can train him in rinsing and stacking before he gets any bad habits formed!

My DH has one on yours though, after doing all the above listed, he shakes his wet hands in mid air thus leaving water splatter marks all over everything in sight

Your husband could be my spirit animal. I do the same thing.

he shakes his wet hands in mid air thus leaving water splatter marks all over everything in sight

Whoops, only meant this part.

It's horrid as we live in an area where limescale is king, so I basically have to do an entire wipe down once he's done - bloody pest!!

In the Washing UP Olympics you would get the gold medal (thought is a clean sponge needed every time unless it's a really manky greasy load of pots?)

Your DH wouldn't qualify in the first place.

I mean wouldn't even be in the Olympics, he's a shocker. Tell him he might aswell chuck them outside and let the local cats lick them.

whois, there is absolutely nothing we could sacrifice that would afford us a dishwasher and in order to put one in, we would have to redo the plumbing and move our absolutely tiny kitchen round. In fact we'd have to sacrifice the washing machine. And as much as I hate washing up, I don't really want to start doing laundry by hand either.