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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

not buying a pram?

153 replies

minimalistmum · 29/04/2014 14:53

I just don't think it's necessarily going to be that useful...Anyone else out there considering NOT spending a fortune on something that's just going to clutter up the hallway?

OP posts:
RiverTam · 03/05/2014 21:05

well, I would say that reading your OP, responding to your OP, reading your blog, thinking about it, thinking about my own experiences of struggling when reality didn't match my expectations or ideals and responding again, was pretty supportive.

Because it's not just about the pram, is it - you have a list, about 7 or 8 long if memory serves, of things you think you should or shouldn't be doing. And I'm simply saying that by having such a list of ideals might be setting you up, at the very least, for struggling more than perhaps you might have to. Because your baby might not be quite so on-message as you hope, and depending on your nature, you may or may not deal with that very well - I didn't, I was often in tears because I felt that such-and-such should be happening and it just wasn't.

But perhaps you think supportive people are only those who agree with you.

Well, I'll leave you to crack on. Best of luck.

FatalCabbage · 03/05/2014 21:23

Look, we've seen it a hundred times with very dogmatic first-timers. And although everything you are aiming for is with the best of motives and is all well researched, none of it holds for all babies. If you're already vulnerable, writing your own list of Must Do things against which you will find yourself wanting is a dangerous thing. We don't want you to come back in a few months desperate that your plans failed somewhere.

On the other hand, saying "we will co-sleep/babywear/breastfeed for as long as it works for us" is supporting yourself. You might have the one baby in a hundred who hates to be held when he's tired. You might have insufficient lactiferous tissue. You might have muscle separation. Acknowledging that these pitfalls could occur, even if you're doing your darndest to prevent them, is supporting yourself.

Nothing can prepare you for the weird hormonal things that happen after birth. It's like being hit by a truck when you've planned for a car! Add exhaustion and it can feel like someone swapped your brain for a cauliflower. And then the decisions you're taking then are within that vulnerability and with the knowledge of your actual baby - how he sleeps, how he feeds, how he likes to be held, and so on. Knowledge is power!

I do hope it works out for you, but it would honestly be less supportive for posters who have been where you have been to neglect to say "it might not work out for reasons outside your control - don't put undue pressure on yourself as it could be harmful to your wellbeing".

summersoft · 03/05/2014 21:49

3 babies, never bought a pram. Carried my children in a woven wrap. I did use a second hand push-chair to stash all the tat and shopping in.

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