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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think maybe I could have gone to watch the football too?

66 replies

underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:41

I am on holiday in Koh Samui with my boyfriend. We've been together a year but this is our first long holiday together. We are staying at a lovely resort on a beach and have been here 4 days. Every night, we have gone for a few drinks and I have left him out to watch sport and come back alone. That's okay: he is pretty much a sports addict.

But this morning, at breakfast, he asked me if I could 'let him off the leash' for this evening to watch the Liverpool v Chelsea game and the rugby later by himself. I was upset but said that was fine. The result of which is I am sinking mojitos by myself at the beach bar and genuinely wondering if it is unreasonable for me to be upset by this?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 27/04/2014 15:43

Do you like football? Did you say you wanted to go?

Itsfab · 27/04/2014 15:44

YANBU to be upset but a bit silly to moan about it when you could have said actually you would like to go too. Is he on a leash? Do you like football or can you not find something to do for the evening on your own or go out to meet other people?

Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:46

Not a particular fan of football, no! It's not so much that as feeling like a bit of a lemon, spending the evening on own when we're in a lovely place and also resenting the 'off the leash' comment when I've left him to watch sport every evening since we've got here.

But fully prepared to accept iabu if I am!

OP posts:
Louise1956 · 27/04/2014 15:48

If you wanted to go too, you should probably have said so. It may not have occurred to him that you wanted to go. However, if it feels to him like he is on a leash, that isn't a very good sign. Perhaps you are spending too much time together? Maybe you need to find more things to do without him?

Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:50

Well I don't know about spending too much time together. We definitely don't as a rule. But we are on holiday? I thought when on holiday that was what people did. We certainly aren't doing everything together even here.

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Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:51

I suppose I just didn't expect to come on holiday and do everything separately, but maybe I am wrong.

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ilovesooty · 27/04/2014 15:52

So you didn't want to watch the match but didn't want to be left on your own. It's difficult to say whether YABU without knowing more about the normal relationship dynamics really. That's why the "leash" comment might be relevant perhaps.

I wouldn't want to sit and watch a match with someone who's not interested though.

Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:54

I suppose I just thought as we were away together for the first time he might leave his normal routine of watching sport all weekend and spend a bit of time with me. But fair enough.

OP posts:
TheFarceAndTheSpurious · 27/04/2014 15:54

This reply has been deleted

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magoria · 27/04/2014 15:55

I would say look at this as a prediction of a future with this man.

Do you want to be left on your own in future maybe to look after children while he 'escapes' from some suggested leash you are keeping him on.

Lilaclily · 27/04/2014 15:56

:(
He doesn't sound very into you
Why didn't he ask you to go to ?

ilovesooty · 27/04/2014 15:56

I see - you don't normally spend the weekends together as he watches sport.

Probably no one's BU - you just had different expectations.

Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:57

Thanks Farce. To put it in context, I would never dream of trying to interfere with the sport schedule at home, and as I said, I have left hi every night since we've been here while he has gone out drinking and watching sport so I genuinely don't think I'm being overly clingy?

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Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 15:58

We do see each other every weekend, it's just a rare occasion I would attempt to interfere with the sport.

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Tilly28 · 27/04/2014 15:58

I think you are totally not being unreasonable! If you go on holiday with someone you generally spend all your time with someone and I def wouldn't be impressed having to watch sport everynight (and I don't mind it!)! Tbh if he's like this now can you imagine what he'd be like a few years down the line :-/

Boys2mam · 27/04/2014 15:58

No I don't think YABU at all.

You're on holiday together and he's stayed out EVERY night? That's sad.

I can understand not wanting to be together every minute even on hol but surely going back to the hotel/apartment nightly is part of the fun.

Odd.

OnlyLovers · 27/04/2014 16:05

I think he sounds selfish and I don't like the 'let him off the leash' comment. Can imagine someone who uses that also using similarly misogynistic phrases like 'nagging' and referring to 'helping (you) round the house' and 'babysitting' his own children.

Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 16:05

I'm generally happy with having space, particularly as his mum died in Jan, so I'm trying to tread carefully, but I suppose I'm starting to wonder if he's not that bothered about me, or else a perennial batchelor.

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threedeer · 27/04/2014 16:06

'Off the leash' is a very telling comment. Suggests he thinks spending time with his girlfriend is something he does under sufferance not for pleasure. Which is really odd.

Are you expected to be awake and up for it when he gets back?

Have to say, that's the sort of behaviour that would have made me dump a man and never look back. Where's the fun in holidaying with someone who thinks you're a ball and chain?

PorkPieandPickle · 27/04/2014 16:07

Personally I think that sounds like a bit of a shit holiday to me! Spending time on your own every night is not my cup of tea, I go on holiday to have fun. With my DH Confused

But did you not say something the first night?

SpiderNugent · 27/04/2014 16:10

Do you natter all the way thru the game, or make silly remarks like ooh his shorts are a nice shade of blue, or why are they singing that song

very irritating indeed

WhoNickedMyName · 27/04/2014 16:11

I'd be seriously miffed if we went on holiday and DH stayed out every night to watch sport. Coupled with the "let me off the leash" comment, I really don't get what that's all about. Perhaps said to make you feel as if you are the unreasonable one, to pre-empt you saying actually, you do mind.

underthewestway · 27/04/2014 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PorkPieandPickle · 27/04/2014 16:11

And agree with the comments about a glimpse into what life would be like with this man. If he can't be arsed to make an effort now, it's not likely to improve down the line.

Original poster
underthewestway · 27/04/2014 16:12

Spider, no, I don't.

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