friend is suddenly demanding property back that I may or may not have mixed up when we lived together

[SuzzieScotland]

Me and my friend lived together. She moved out first and left a lot of stuff that she gradually picked up.

When I moved out I pretty much packed everything unused into boxes and put it in a friend of a friends garage.

Now fast forward two year later my friend is asking about some tablecloth that I said I might have seen and packed up.

She is now sending messages like "I need this asap", "I've given you ample warning yet you won't give me my property back" and "I won't lend you anything else until you give this back".

Really pissed me off as I never borrowed it in the first place, it was her lack of organisation that lost it and now is acting as if I stole it. Don't really want to spend hours going through boxes as she's all of a sudden demanded said item back. She has visited a stayed at my place 5 times and never once asked about this item.

Not sure what to do, have been ignoring texts as found them so rude and offensive I didn't want to say what I thought back to her.

I wouldn't pretend you looked for it and couldn't find. I would just explain, as you have here, that you will look for it, but due to the time and effort required it will not be immediately but when you can spare the time.

Thanks Mary, that's pretty much what I said to the first message.

Then I got the "I won't lend you anything else until you give it back to me"

Despite never lending anything to me in years and that message got me all defensive.

I don't think it's too difficult to imagine a situation in which the table cloth becomes significant. Maybe her grandmother has died and the cloth now has sentimental value? When I was younger I was careless with family heirlooms and regret that now that certain family members have passed away.

She has been rude and demanding. It's up to you whether you want to stoop to her level or be the bigger person and help out an old friend.

Beans that is a good point, I've never refused to look for it, just refused to look for it as a priority and her attitude has made me not want to look for it at all

Sent a reply saying I will go sort out all the stuff in three weeks, think hard about anything else you may have left behind as I will be binning a lot.

Good for you SS, go and have a sort out and put an end to the madness.

Thanks Sparklingbrook, I may have regressed to being a teenager - the only friend I've ever had an argument with as an adult, this is the 6 or 7th lol

Stop texting, pick up the phone, have a conversation. That's a grown-up thing to do.

Good lord no. Don't speak to her, don't engage. At all.

Lol No way unexpected!

I may do many childish things in my life, but prefering to deal with rude people via the written word doesn't figure very highly.

The problem with the written word is that you can't tell the feeling behind it.

Refusing to tell her how she has offended you is utterly stupid and seems rather like a childish sulk. Clearly she can't see anything wrong which makes me feel you have misunderstood the sentiment behind what she said.

Stop being an idiot and speak to her rather than perpetuating an argument only you know exists.

I think a more to the point reply would have been beneficial:

"Friend, I have not borrowed anything from you. You left your belongings behind when you moved out from our shared flat, so I had to pack up your stuff in addition to mine (Thanks mate!). I have no idea or recollection of the item you speak of."

If she lives so far away, how is she expecting to get it? Is she assuming you'll post it?

If you want to rescue your friendship you need to be honest and blunt with her. She needs to understand whats going on. I suspect she hasnt a clue.

Have you asked why she suddenly needs the tablecloth? Does it have a role at the wedding you were supposed to be attending? Maybe she has been a bit rude but tbh you've not been particularly helpful for someone who is supposed to be a friend.
Since she hasn't mentioned it before, there must be a reason why she needs it now. Plus she might have looked in different places for it over the years and has only just realised it must be with the stuff you've kept. But to know the answers to any of these questions, you would have to speak to her