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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put off having babies for dream job?

65 replies

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 22:44

I am a teacher on a temporary contract. I hate it!! Been a teacher a long time and the job is draining my soul! I am married with no children. We had talked about having a baby this year. But now my dream job (out of teaching) has come up. It is twice the money, half the hours and very local. My hubby is supportive of whatever I do, but I'm worried about putting off babies again, as this job is for one year initially, with "the likelihood of becoming permanent" according to the big guns. So...do I stay in the safety net of teaching and have have babies, or take this risk and make a hell of a lot more dosh and put off babies a bit longer? I'm 30 btw!

OP posts:

nolongerbumpieorlumpie · 25/04/2014 22:48

Hey, you are in a job that is not secure and that you hate.

You have the chance to try something new which is "a dream job".

Personally I feel its a no brainer and the fact you are questioning it may mean you already know the answer!

Babies can wait a year but being in a job you hate is no way to live your life.

rabbitrisen · 25/04/2014 22:48

Tricky.
Can we ask how many children you would like?

I wouldnt have thought that you would regret having children.
But you might regret the teaching route?

Can you do both?
Job and babies?

Pigginnora · 25/04/2014 22:49

As a mother of of 40- i would put off the babies & go for the job!

Good luck...

libertytrainers · 25/04/2014 22:50

have kids then job. never put it off

AlpacaLypse · 25/04/2014 22:53

You're thirty? I'd be thinking very seriously about TTC in about 2 or 3 years. By which time you should be nicely feet under table in the Dream Job!

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 22:53

Thanks for the replies, we want a couple of kids, not sure how many! I don't know if I could do the job and babies, I would want to be in the job a decent amount of time before announcing I'm preggers! But then I don't see why 6 months down the line we can't start trying, that's not unreasonable is it?

OP posts:

mummymeister · 25/04/2014 22:53

you can go and get your fertility checked out at a clinic. its not an exact science as I understand it but it can give you an idea of where you are in relation to conception and any problems going forward. personally, I would do this. I started ttc in my late 30's and wish that this had been available to me. for as many mothers in their 40's who will put the positive there are as many who waited and time ran out. fertility treatment is no fun and comes with no guarantees. you are being really sensible to think about this so rather than chance it go and get some facts. armed with these there will be no what ifs down the line.

libertytrainers · 25/04/2014 22:54

have kids earlier all the time

Housepricewoes · 25/04/2014 22:55

When you say your dream job has come up do you mean you've been offered it or it's been advertised?

Either way, I'd opt for the job if you're only 30.

Even waiting 2 years to have children might give you the chance of mat leave from a job you love and could go back to or would have at least built up a larger cushion for expenses in the meantime.

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 22:55

I definitely think getting my fertility checked is a good idea thank you x

OP posts:

libertytrainers · 25/04/2014 22:55

nope have the kids jobs wait, they do

Purpleroxy · 25/04/2014 22:56

Have kids.

Littlefish · 25/04/2014 22:57

I faced a similar dilemma - I was due to have IVF and had to decide whether to take on a large promotion or not.

In the end, I decided to take the promotion on the basis that the baby thing would either happen or not, and the job would be a great distraction if it didn't work, and something great to come back to it after maternity leave if it did work!

In your position, I would do the job for a year and then ttc. That would give you at least a year and a half in the job before going on maternity leave.

I'm a teacher, and love it, but if a dream job came up out of teaching I would certainly think very hard about it. Teaching is one of the least family friendly jobs that I know (apart from the summer holiday).

NCFTTB · 25/04/2014 22:57

Can I be nosey and ask what the job is, please? Good to know there are other options for teachers out there on a personal level!

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 22:58

I have had the interview and they have made an offer which I am now considering! I have an opportunity to be made permanent in my teaching post too, which makes it more difficult, as that is the easier, safer option. I really want babies, but I want a happy career too! Can I have it all??

OP posts:

2rebecca · 25/04/2014 22:58

I'd go for the job whilst TTC as it may take a couple of years to get pregnant anyway.

SystemIDUnknown · 25/04/2014 22:58

As a mother of of 40- i would put off the babies & go for the job!

Mum of 40? Fuck me, must be like a wizards sleeve

BrianTheMole · 25/04/2014 22:58

You're only 30. Take the dream job. Start trying in 6 months or a year, whatever. But work is a huge part of your life, better if you enjoy it. And twice the money means you can save up a bit.

nailslikeknives · 25/04/2014 22:59

If you're a fit and healthy 30, don't worry about putting it off for a few years. A GP told my friend that although she was 42, she had the body of a 20 year old so would have no additional bother - the GP was right!

It's a dream job, go for it. BTW, I had mine at 35 and 37. It took 11 months to conceive the first and 1 shag to put the second bun in the oven.

It's your dream job and you're only 30, your options are open

BrianTheMole · 25/04/2014 22:59

Yes you can have it all, just not right away. But soon enough.

kickassangel · 25/04/2014 22:59

If you are desperate to have a baby right now then it is hard. If you even think you're willing to wait then go for the job.

Eyelet · 25/04/2014 23:00

Which one would you regret not doing more?

I have two DC, the oldest has a disability. I'm also trying very hard to hard to complete my doctorate. I would have managed to make more of my research, very likely secured a longer term position, been able to network and build my new career had I not had my first and definely have finished by now if i hadnt had a second baby.

but I am 37 and I would have regretted not having children more.

At 30 I'd take the job. No question.

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 23:00

It is a consultancy role ncf! There is flexi hours and the money is amazing, plus 5 weeks holidays! Am I really getting too old for babies! God, maybe I am!

OP posts:

GreatSoprendo · 25/04/2014 23:01

At your age I'd definitely go for the job. In fact, rewind a few years, and that's exactly what I did. I knew I would need fertility treatment if I was to ever have kids. A great job came up, so I took it and delayed my treatment by 2 years. I've now got a really good career, a one year old and am back at work in a senior role rather than lower down the ladder. For me, I did it in the right order. I had my DS at 37.

revealall · 25/04/2014 23:02

IMO as long as you are trying in the next 2 years you can probably have both.
Is dream job anything that fits in well with children? Babies and toddlers are easier to juggle than school hours/ holidays in my experience. You could always go back to teaching so worth moving on if you hate it.
Wouldn't leave having children any more than 3 years for lots of reasons.

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