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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put off having babies for dream job?

65 replies

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 22:44

I am a teacher on a temporary contract. I hate it!! Been a teacher a long time and the job is draining my soul! I am married with no children. We had talked about having a baby this year. But now my dream job (out of teaching) has come up. It is twice the money, half the hours and very local. My hubby is supportive of whatever I do, but I'm worried about putting off babies again, as this job is for one year initially, with "the likelihood of becoming permanent" according to the big guns. So...do I stay in the safety net of teaching and have have babies, or take this risk and make a hell of a lot more dosh and put off babies a bit longer? I'm 30 btw!

OP posts:

AlpacaLypse · 25/04/2014 23:03

Take the job.

And come off The Pill.

libertytrainers · 25/04/2014 23:03

nope have the kids it will take 20 years off your career start early

Housepricewoes · 25/04/2014 23:03

Teaching is one of the least family friendly jobs that I know

How on earth can that be the case? I'm not saying it's easy but I don't see how it can possibly be described at the least family friendly?

BrianTheMole · 25/04/2014 23:05

Well I don't think you're too old for having babies, but then I would say that as I had mine at 38 and 40 with no probs and a career behind me. But everyone is different. Maybe get your fertility checked out and then you'll know.

whatcolour · 25/04/2014 23:09

I had my kids at 40 and 41 with no regrets as also have career and can flexi work. Loads of people I know are the same, if you are worried about fertility just get it checked out.

nailslikeknives · 25/04/2014 23:10

House prices, it's because you work from about 8am at school, do loads of evening and weekend work and probably a fair bit of planning and assessment in the holidays.

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 23:10

Thank you all. I am gonna give some serious thought to it all. I have to say I agree about teaching being least family friendly job. Many of my Mum friends that are teachers have their kids in school clubs from 8 am to 6 pm, and usually teachers don't send their kids to the school they are working in for various reasons. So for me teaching is not the perfect job for motherhood. I'm not desperate for babies, but I do want children and don't want to leave it too late for my own selfish reasons, but I do want to have a nice life for our baby and unfortunately a lot of that means working hard.

OP posts:

DebbieOfMaddox · 25/04/2014 23:11

If you're only 30, I'd definitely go for it and then start ttc in 18 months-2 years.

Housepricewoes · 25/04/2014 23:12

Sorry nails I didn't realise that no other job involves out of hours or weekend working or starting work at 8am!!!

Nestabee · 25/04/2014 23:16

Definitely take the job.

I think in your position you will regret not taking it. You have time for a few children in a couple of years and a better job will be so much more valuable.

Housepricewoes · 25/04/2014 23:16

Any full time 9-5 job with a commute is going to require 8-6 childcare- teaching is not unique in that respect by any stretch of the imagination.

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 23:18

I think the point Nails made is that teaching is no more family friendly than any other job, I understand why people think it is. I used to think that too!

OP posts:

MyLatest · 25/04/2014 23:19

You have plenty of time to take the job and then have babies. Take the job.

HavannaSlife · 25/04/2014 23:20

I'd take the job

Housepricewoes · 25/04/2014 23:20

Sorry for the derail- I can see that but I'd hardly say it meant teaching was the least family friendly.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

NCFTTB · 25/04/2014 23:23

Thanks - but you'd be giving up school holidays? That's a big thing to have to give up!

Original poster

Aberdeen3 · 25/04/2014 23:25

Thanks everyone! This was my first ever post and you have all been lovely and really helpful. Xx

OP posts:

YussMinister · 25/04/2014 23:26

You can't put your life on hold to ttc. If you take years to conceive or have a miscarriage (could happen at any age) then you'll feel worse for passing up a job you sound passionate about for the "safe" (dull) same old job.

Concentrate on what you can control now: the dream job. You have less control over exactly when you have children, even if you start trying tomorrow.

OOAOML · 25/04/2014 23:38

I always imagine it is really difficult for teachers if their children are in the same local authority therefore have same teacher training days - children not in school but parent needs to be. Plus with my office job I can take my annual leave when I want to (providing there is still cover).

LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/04/2014 23:54

I think if it's just a year, it might be worth it to put of TTC.

But I would say - they can check your fertility, but they can't check whether you'll be able to maintain a pregnancy. Sorry, I know it's a horrible thought, but it's important. I'm only saying this because if you do happen to check out as very fertile, you need to keep in mind that it's not a free pass to defer for years and years, as you could find you are fertile but miscarry.

I'm really sorry if that's bringing you down, and I do stress I do still think a year of putting it off, at 30, sounds very sensible. I just wanted to mention it because considering this might affect your longer-term plans.

UnderthePalms · 26/04/2014 00:07

pp said it was one of the least family friendly jobs, not the least family friendly job.

revealall · 26/04/2014 00:25

But teaching can be done as supply or job share.
Teaching doesn't involve night shifts or split shifts. Covering the holidays is much easier. It is quite family friendly really. I say this as a single parent who really can't find anything better other than working from home.
So what's the dream job.... Just out of ahem interest...

LRDtheFeministDragon · 26/04/2014 00:33

How do you mean, teaching can be done as supply or job share?

Surely that's only the case when you can afford not to have a full time job? Supply teaching enough hours to get full-time pay would be a nightmare.

PansOnFire · 26/04/2014 00:40

I'm almost the same age as you and and also a teacher, I've recently had my first baby and tbh I feel like I've left it late and that I won't be able to have as many children as I would like unless I have them in very quick succession. This is not something that would work for me at all.

I suppose I'm thinking about this from a very archaic perspective but I feel that once you get to about 30 there are certain sacrifices in life goals that many women have to make. Career and babies being the most common. I have sacrificed career progression to have children and, although I initially thought I would, I don't regret it one bit. Before I had my baby my career was my baby, it wasn't until I had him that I realised that the purpose of work was to help me live my life, it wasn't the focus of my life. My perspective changed and what I once thought was my dream job actually didn't matter that much in comparison to my family life.

As far as teaching is concerned it is one of the easiest jobs to fit around family life in comparison with other jobs. I know it's a hard job with lots of paperwork but if I had a different job I don't think I would have found my return to work manageable at all. The school holidays give me lots of time with my DS rather than having to find childcare for those 13 weeks. I know when he's older I'll have the odd day which clashes but most schools are fairly understanding and will accommodate your childcare needs. For instance, my childminder was ill one day and school allowed me to bring DS in until I could sort out an alternative. I'm also home before tea, I complete my work when he is in bed. Other jobs don't allow you to do this and whilst it's not ideal it works for me.

You need to think very carefully about whether your new job is accommodating to family life, I know people who would become teachers in a heartbeat in order to make home life easier. Having children changes your perspective on things so please consider that, and your fertility cannot be taken for granted. I'd opt for having a baby above any job offer.

PansOnFire · 26/04/2014 00:43

Just to add to revealall's point, I work 4 days in a job share and it hasn't had a massive impact on my wage, I don't lose that much money in comparison to what I would be earning for 5days.

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