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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is very unreasonable

66 replies

fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 20:46

My D'F' and stepmother have been married for 10 years.
I have 2 dd's and stepsister has 3dc. I buy for stepsisters kids for birthdays she has never bought for mine birthdays.
Anyway at Christmas my dd's got t-shirts from asda for Christmas off them, stepsisters kids get clothes from next.
On Sunday I overheard SM say she had spent a fortune in town on clothes for stepsisters DC for Easter my dd's got a £1 Easter egg each off them.
So mumsnet jury Aibu in thinking that this is an absolute piss take??
Also this is only 1 example of shitty behaviour.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/04/2014 20:50

Ooh you'll get flamed, it's the thought that counts as they say?

Maybe its your Stepmother who pays for the clothes, from her money (for her daughter I'm guessing? )

I get Asda Smartprice jam and my DC get clothes that have the label cut / scored from MIL.
Her own DC get M&S and branded sportswear for their DC
I've stopped bothering or it would drive me divvy.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 20:55

Maybe it is but do you not think she should be treating dd's as her own? I know if it was my dh and we where shopping for nieces and nephews I'd just automatically buy for his.

OP posts:
WestieMamma · 25/04/2014 20:56

It is true, it is the thought that counts. Sometimes though the gifts makes it clear that the thought is pretty shitty.

mummratheevertired · 25/04/2014 20:59

What does your Dad buy for your DCs? If he gets them presents then YABU but if it's just your SM buying from both of them and not being fair then YANBU

BruthasTortoise · 25/04/2014 21:00

YANBU but there's probably little to be done about - your SM is going to continue buying her grandchildren what she wants to and really it's your Dad's responsibility to buy for his grandchildren. Stop buying for your stepsisters DC is it's not reciprocated.

FrillyMilly · 25/04/2014 21:01

I completely understand where you are coming from. I hate it when my children are treated as second best to the other grandchildren. I know it shouldn't matter but it really does upset me. I don't think there's anything you can do unless you want to risk them getting nothing. I wouldn't bother buying for your stepsisters kids though if you're getting nothing back.

gobbynorthernbird · 25/04/2014 21:05

My DM doesn't buy for my DSC as she does for my DC. Why would she? They have 2 other sets of grandparents. And, as your DSM hasn't bought you up from being tiny (I assume), she will not think of you as being her daughter.
What does your DF do for your children?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/04/2014 21:05

YY , I wouldn't buy anything for her DC, maybe just a card.
Does she send a card for your DC?

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 21:09

FrillyMilly I'm glad someone shares my view.
I wouldn't be bothered if they got nothing because they don't wear the things they get because obviously the only thought that goes into the presents are 'what's the cheapest in the shop'.
I'm seriously considering cutting them out.
Another example of there shitty behaviour dd seriously ill in hospital 'well how's that happened fknfamilies'
Dd says eyes are hurting 'how's dd's eyes hurting fknfamilies'

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 25/04/2014 21:11

You can't tell other people how to spend their own money. I am quite shocked that people keep track of how others spend their money.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 21:12

No she doesn't send a card.
D'f' lives away and does nothing for my dd's.
Your poor sc gobbynorthernbird they must feel so unwelcome around your mother

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 25/04/2014 21:28

Why? They have four grandparents of their own. My mother is not their granny. If either of my parents were to remarry, that person would only be my step parent as a technicality. They wouldn't in any way be responsible for me, and they wouldn't be my DC grandparent.

gobbynorthernbird · 25/04/2014 21:30

But anyway, it's not your stepmother's fault that your father can't be arsed. And that is who you should be upset with.

FrillyMilly · 25/04/2014 21:30

Perhaps we are unusual. At Xmas, birthdays etc my mum and stepdad buy similar for all their grandchildren. No my mum didn't bring up her stepchildren from being small but that doesn't mean she feels the need to treat their children differently. As with many couples their money is joint so they wouldn't buy things separately. Obviously my children are more special to her than her step grandchildren but she doesn't make it known to the children.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 21:30

You don't have to be responsible for somebody to buy them a gift or acknowledge their birthday u do it out of the kindness of your heart

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 25/04/2014 21:32

Yes it is out of the kindness of their heart, a voluntary act and therefore they should not be criticised for not spending enough!

Rivercam · 25/04/2014 21:39

I'd feel annoyed as well if there was a disproportionate amount of money spent, especially if she is buying on behalf of both grandparents.

WooWooOwl · 25/04/2014 21:40

Your step mum sounds mean, but it's up to your dad to prevent her treating his children and grandchildren badly in comparison to her own.

Unless she is paying for everything and your DF is paying for nothing, she has no reason to think on such a nasty way.

gobbynorthernbird · 25/04/2014 21:41

Frilly, that's great. But there is also nothing wrong for a step-grandparent to not want to do that.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 21:43

I don't think we r unusual FrillyMilly everyone I've spoke to in rl thought it was appalling behaviour. I think some people on mumsnet try to be too politically correct sometimes. The way I see it is when your in a committed relationship you should treat other people's kids as you would your own.

OP posts:
Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 21:47

Regarding who's paying I don't know but when I buy for mine and dh nieces/nephews I buy everything I don't expect dh to pay just for his because we see them as equals he pays bills and other stuff and buying gifts is one of the things I do.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 25/04/2014 21:57

Maybe your SM is pissed off that your DF does nothing for her family and doesn't want to be pulled into being his personal assistant when he's too lazy to do anything for either his or her DGCs?

You don't have to be responsible for someone to get them a gift. But your SM gets your DCs a gift. It's your DF whose "kindness of the heart" appears to have gone walkies.

NorthLDNgal · 25/04/2014 22:01

At least your kids get something rather than nothing - that would be worse.

My sisters fell out over this type of stuff and got really competitive with eachother about what their kids had and who was cleverest, etc. It made me feel a bit ill. Do your kids have a good relationship with your dad? I think this is the most important thing, not level of present they get.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:05

BoomBoomsCousin what makes you think my d'f' doesn't do anything for sm's family???!,he drives her 100 of miles to see her family all the time and pulls his weight round the house

OP posts:
AmberSweet · 25/04/2014 22:07

I don't think yabu at all! I actually think it's disgusting behaviour. Am I right in assuming that because they are married etc that the presents are from them both/come out of joint funds? Because if so then I don't understand why they should be treated any differently.

If the presents are just from your step dm then I can sort of understand (barely) but still think it's really mean!

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