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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is very unreasonable

66 replies

fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 20:46

My D'F' and stepmother have been married for 10 years.
I have 2 dd's and stepsister has 3dc. I buy for stepsisters kids for birthdays she has never bought for mine birthdays.
Anyway at Christmas my dd's got t-shirts from asda for Christmas off them, stepsisters kids get clothes from next.
On Sunday I overheard SM say she had spent a fortune in town on clothes for stepsisters DC for Easter my dd's got a £1 Easter egg each off them.
So mumsnet jury Aibu in thinking that this is an absolute piss take??
Also this is only 1 example of shitty behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:08

BoomBoomsCousin and where are you getting your facts from what makes you think it's the sm buying the gifts???

OP posts:
maddening · 25/04/2014 22:09

it's something you should take up with your dfather - unless they clearly have separate finances.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:12

Thanks AmberSweet I don't know if there moneys shared all I know is that they've both got plenty of it.

I don't think the fact there married makes a difference me and dh aren't married and I still treat his family as my own and spend my own money on them.

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 25/04/2014 22:16

You just can't expect people to domed money on your children.

monicalewinski · 25/04/2014 22:18

How old were you when your dad and stepmum got together?

If you were still a child, then I can see why you are pissed off, but if you were an adult at the start of their relationship, then I can see why she doesn't treat you like her own child tbh.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:20

I was 14.
What does domed mean??

OP posts:
Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:23

I don't plan to take it up with him I plan to treat them the way they treat the kids. I can't wait 2 see his fkn face when the cheap asda tshirts start flying his way.

OP posts:
AmberSweet · 25/04/2014 22:26

I didn't mean anything by the marriage comment. Dp and I aren't married yet but all of our money goes into the pot and presents get bought our of that and everyone's are equal. I couldn't imagine say buying my sister something nice then buying my sil something crap. Neither have kids so closest example I could think of!

GimmeDaBoobehz · 25/04/2014 22:28

What does your father think about it?

Maybe he just leaves it to her and isn't sure what is bought?

How is your Dad with your DCs? Does he make an effort with them?

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:33

GimmeDaBoobehz I'm pretty sure he's the one buying the stuff and i get the impression he likes other people to think he's a great grandad when in reality he's just a cunt.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/04/2014 22:38

I think some people on mumsnet try to be too politically correct sometimes

What has "politically correct" got to do with all this?

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:42

Politically correct is a term that can be used to describe many different things

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/04/2014 22:46

So what were you using it to describe?

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:50

people who try so hard to say the right thing they end up just looking like twats

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/04/2014 22:53

Still don't see its relevance to this thread.

Mind you: I think it's a pretty over used and pointless term anyway.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 22:58

Yeah I'm sure if I had of actually thought before typing I could of come up with a better term than that it was the first thing that came to my mind

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/04/2014 23:00

fkn I saw how the land lay when we were visiting my PILs.
I drove (eight hours there) I was first trimester pg (so a bit bleurgh)

PIL complaining they don't see my DC.
I asked FIL if DS could stay with him and my DN (PIL used to mind the DNs several days and have them overnight)

DN was with FIL. DH and I wanted to go to the shops.
FIL was "busy".

I thought "Fuck You" and I never ever asked either of them again.

Yes, I can drive 100s of miles, pg with a small child. But you are too busy to do one thing.

Ludways · 25/04/2014 23:06

I buy for my stepdd the exact same as I do for my own, would never occur to me otherwise, same thing surely.

Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 23:07

70 that's exactly how I feel fuck you
I don't expect the kids to be lavished with gifts for Easter but the way they behaved over the visit and then looking at the bigger picture at the way they've behaved in the past really wound me up.
My dp was telling d'f' a story whilst he was here and my d'f' wouldn't even look at him while he was talking to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
fknfamilies · 25/04/2014 23:10

Ludways I can't understand anyone who wouldn't treat step kids/stepgrandkids the same as their own.

I think if u love someone you should accept their families and treat them as you'd like your own to be treated.

OP posts:
Ludways · 26/04/2014 00:14

Fkn exactly, I made the effort with my stepdd because I love her father, it's grown into genuine love and affection. I don't understand why someone won't put the effort in when the rewards are so great.

BoomBoomsCousin · 26/04/2014 01:06

fkn Sorry my post came across as aggressive. It was meant to be a genuine suggestion as to why she might do it. Your posts seemed to focus on your SM's behaviour rather than you DF's, so I assumed it was her present buying you were complaining about, and that your DF didn't bother. I also assumed from how you'd posted at first that your SM and DF had got together since you left home, which I see was also incorrect, I think that makes a big difference too.

It sound like a rubbish situation for you OP, I am sorry. Since you can't really change them I think changing your approach to them is very warranted. Asda T-shirts are clean and functional. Have you considered mismatched shoes from a charity shop?

IneedAwittierNickname · 26/04/2014 01:39

Yanbu imo.
My step sister is due her 1st any day now. She recently made a comment at a family meal to her mum (my step mum) about having a 'real grandchild'.
Step mum looked at her and said "but I already have real grandchildren. Ineed has 2, and her brother has 1. Just because I didn't raise them doenst mean the grandchildren aren't mine"

I could have cried tbh, I didn't know she felt that way.

DioneTheDiabolist · 26/04/2014 01:54

I understand that you feel hurt OP, buy YABU.

This has nothing to do with your DSM and everything to do with your father. He is the one who is buying you shitty presents. She buys for her DD and GDCs. He buys for you and your DCs. It's not her fault that she puts time, thought and money into her gifts. It's just a shame that your dad can't be arsed to do the same for you.Sad

slithytove · 26/04/2014 02:07

I think it's crap, I can just imagine the fallout if a step mum were to treat her kids better than her step kids just because she had the money / did the present buying. Or for any reason really.

They are GP / Step GP and as such are grandparents either way.

Fuck the pair of them. Life is too short.

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