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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need a huge reality check over here!

84 replies

DescribeTheRuckus · 25/04/2014 14:41

I already know that this will come out all wrong, and I will invariably piss someone off with this, but I need to just tell someone else what I'm feeling.

I just dropped DS (7) off at a school friend's house for a birthday party. He is attending this friend's family birthday party and then sleeping over. Both boys have been excited about this, as DS has never been to this friend's house before. The mum and I are on friendly terms; it's a small school, so we've chatted loads on the playground, at birthday parties, etc. She seems really lovely, and I know her life isn't easy...she is a single mum to three kids, my DS's friend is the eldest and she then has two girls who have lots of medical issues.

Anyway, they live on a council estate, and thier house is unlike any that DS has ever seen...not in the greatest area and not as tidy as most of his other friends' houses. I have absolutely no concerns for his safety or anything like that...but I could see that he was a bit uncomfortable when we went in. I am now feeling uncomfortable, but only because I know he felt uneasy and a bit out of his comfort zone. I think it's important for him to see that people don't always live the same, and that friendship is certainly more than where someone lives! Is that unreasonable? I hate to burst the middle class bubble he's been exposed to, but surely he's old enough to be able to appreciate differences in other people's situtations?

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 25/04/2014 16:17

maybe I should start another cooking business delivering family-sized meals...

NeverQuiteSure · 25/04/2014 16:18

oh goody. we can have a derail into cleaners v non cleaners bunfight debate

Oh dear, I didn't mean to derail anything! I was coming mainly from personal experience; when we we're (comparatively) 'well off' we had a cleaner and a nanny-housekeeper and our house was shiny. Now we're poor we have shiny loos and shiny work tops and layers of dust and cobwebs everywhere else!

I don't think I know of any 'well off' friends who do their own cleaning. Tidying maybe, but nothing more than 'spot cleaning'. No judgment or conclusions; just how it is here.

MadameDefarge · 25/04/2014 16:19

only teasing, Never!

DS pretends to the world he cleans his bedroom. Liar.

NeverQuiteSure · 25/04/2014 16:21

Phew Grin

DescribeTheRuckus · 25/04/2014 16:23

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat I haven't actually judged anyone being poor. Nor am I judging council estates (one of the well off friends I mentioned earlier lives in an ex council house). This particular council estate is different to any we've seen.

And, just to clarify, I don't 'do' housecleaning. We don't have a posh house, we are not posh, or snobby for that matter. Their house is different to what he is used to, that's all. The house was cluttered, dirty...no paint/paper on walls, junk all around outside the place. We're not sterile over here by any stretch, but there was quite a difference in this place. The estate itself wasn't 'nice' either...it was run down and not very well cared for.

Where they live does not change the fact that the mum and son are lovely, and I value friendship on a heck of a lot more than how clean someone's house is or where they live. It is just not something my DS is used to seeing, that's all.

OP posts:
DescribeTheRuckus · 25/04/2014 16:24

None of my well off friends have cleaners, either...they are just more house proud than I could ever hope to be!

OP posts:
SacreBlue · 25/04/2014 16:40

Even if it's his second sleep over he just may not be used to other people houses - I feel a bit uncomfortable going to stay in new peoples homes and I've had many at sleepover Grin

My DS has friends of varying economic brackets, varying hygiene standards and varying rules of the house. Luckily with many of those being within family and close friends he had more chance to get used to them at an early age but going to a new place? He may still not be as comfortable as going some where familiar.

One family we were friends with from my DS primary told me their DC's referred to my home as 'the one with all the doors' no I didn't have an Australian band in residence because we lived in a flat compared to their house. Another PS friend had a gorgeous home so much cleaner than mine is ever going to be (we have pets) but neither she nor her kids were ever snotty about it.

Quality of friends has a lot going for it, as has kids feeling comfortable in themselves and in getting more experience of different types of homes.

SacreBlue · 25/04/2014 16:42

many a sleepover (I shouldn't type with tea in one hand)

tobiasfunke · 25/04/2014 16:43

DS (5) got a shock like this this Easter. We went to visit some of DH's family who live on what is basically a croft in the North Of Scotland. Basically 3 men living in the farmhouse and the 80 year old doing the housework. It was a total culture shock- there was stuff piled everywhere. The whole place smelt of cows.
Our house is untidy most of the time but this was something else altogether. Took him 10 minutes looking shell shocked but they were all good craic and as soon as the Tunnocks Teacakes came out he was having a rare old time.
Your DS will be fine. It's good to find out how other people live.

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