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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my toddler to my 12 week scan?

25 replies

Sampanther · 25/04/2014 14:13

I have a just turned 2 yr old. My 12 wk scan is on Monday and dp is away with work. I have no one to care for her at all but am reluctant to delay it as already had to delay it once as dd had chicken pox and was off school and also because I've had some cramping and need my mind (hopefully) putting at rest. She has been to midwife appointments with me and sat next to me on the bed while I had blood taken etc and I know she will behave. If it was bad news, having her there would actually be a comfort/distraction for me. I'm conscious of other patients being there for difficult reasons but the waiting area has toys etc so I expect a fair few children go along. Aibu?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 25/04/2014 14:15

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nethunsreject · 25/04/2014 14:19

We took ours, but best to check first. yanbu, btw

Bearwantsmore · 25/04/2014 14:19

I remember seeing lots of toddlers at my 12wk scan but most had another adult with them I think. Do you have a friend who could come along too, to help occupy your toddler and also to support you?

CountessOfRule · 25/04/2014 14:19

I had to when pg with DC2. I didn't tell DC1 what we were there for, just in case. But when it was clear everything was ok it was a nice way to tell him.

He was very good though, reliable at sitting still without constant reminders/threats/restraints. No way I could have taken DC2 when pg with DC3!

Original poster
Sampanther · 25/04/2014 14:26

I recall seeing toys there last time Natasha and the letter doesn't say anything against it. Have tried calling to check but it's always engaged - will keep trying. I have no one else to take with me but know she'll be well behaved.

OP posts:
alarkthatcouldpray · 25/04/2014 14:33

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tiredbutstillsmiling · 25/04/2014 14:33

My hospital's policy is no children in scan rooms. I've seen one mum kick up a fuss and a nurse has to sit with her 5 year old whilst she went in - he was in floods if tears but it categorically says on the letter not to bring kids. There are toys in waiting room but those are for the kids that have someone to look after them.

Are you sure you want your DD there? God forbid but last year I had a MMC at 11 weeks and only found out at my scan. I don't think I could've coped with having DD there seeing me devestated and then being rushed in for an ERPC. (Hope that won't be the case for you, just Sharon my experience).

BeyondRepair · 25/04/2014 14:34

I took my toddler all was well and she still remembers it - it was lovely actually, mine were fine with children.

PersonOfInterest · 25/04/2014 14:46

What alark said.

I think its very high handed to impose such conditions as 'no children' on a hospital apt for Mothers of young children.

Some may prefer not to have their toddler there. That's their decision.

Sometimes theres no childcare available (hard as that is to believe for some people). I've once had to take a toddler to the opticians because my babysitter fell through at the last minute. Last time I had a smear the woman before me was in the same situation and took a baby in with her. That's just life and better than cancelling on the last minute. The nurse took it in her stride, absolutely no problem. The 12 week scan only takes about 2 minutes anyway!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 25/04/2014 14:48

I had a smear test after I had DS, I had to take him as DH was at work. He sat on my belly! I didn't even notice what the nurse was doing.

HorraceTheOtter · 25/04/2014 14:54

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICanSeeTheSun · 25/04/2014 14:55

If you have no choice you will just have to take your child with you.

Chocchip88 · 25/04/2014 15:00

I ended up taking mine. I had no one else to look after him. He was about 15 months I think, I took the pushchair and for the actual scan strapped him in and gave him quavers to keep him quiet. They were fine about it but with the 20 week scan it said no children. Luckily I was able to organise childcare that time. Good luck!

Lucylouby · 25/04/2014 15:20

I have taken my dd to two scans, the first she was about 14months. I had one friend who also had a ds the same age, we had to choose if she came with me and brought the children or I went alone and she kept the children at home. She came, it was bad news. It was awful having the children there, trying to deal with the issue and the children.

Dd came for dc3 20 week scan. She was four and well behaved. It was lovely she got to see her dsis on the scan and she remembers it now four years later. If you truely have no one else to look after your dc then you have to take them, but if there is an option and you could find someone then that may be preferable. My dc have sat and watched all kinds of apps, dentists, fillings, eye apps, I give them the longest snack you can find and fingers crossed they sit for long enough.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 25/04/2014 16:24

IME, there was no prohibition on it, it was just very unrelaxing and stressful (and I say that as someone who has both had to bring a toddler and been at the mercy of someone else's). Quick tip: make sure you bring your sample with you, so you aren't trying to do it there, with a toddler in tow!!

LongTailedTit · 25/04/2014 16:56

The hospital I had mine at has a no children at scans policy, but the waiting areas have toys etc for them to play with while waiting with your companion (this of course assumes you have one!).

I was in your situation for my last scan and had to take my 2.5yo DS, when I called to ask about it the lady on reception offered to watch him for me.
I managed to get my mum to come stay and accompany me, and on the day DS was well behaved for once and the sonographer let them both come in with me.
So it appears to be an 'exceptions will be made for well-behaved kids' no kids policy...

If I hadn't had my mum with me and the receptionist hadn't been able to watch him, I'd have taken him in with me strapped in his buggy with snacks and a treat given at the last moment before I climbed up on the bed! Needs must, they may not be thrilled about it but hopefully will be understanding.

SirChenjin · 25/04/2014 17:02

Only take him if you're absolutely sure everything is OK. I got some very sad news at my 3rd pregnancy scan and was in bits - if I'd had either of the DCs with me they would have been very upset too and I would have been no good to them.

elliejjtiny · 25/04/2014 17:33

I had my 3 DC with me at my dating scan when I found out I'd had a miscarriage (they were 5, 3 and 11 months) and also my 20 week scan with DS4 when they discovered abnormalities (they were 6, 4 and 2). It wasn't ideal but I didn't have any choice.

harriet247 · 25/04/2014 17:41

I would just be mindful that there is a small chance that it might not be good news :( I only say it because it happened to me once and was absolutely horrible and I would hate to have to try and keep a brave face on if I was devastated. Obviously I really hope ot goes well!

slithytove · 25/04/2014 17:41

I have taken DS (13 m) to 3 scans so far, and he will be coming to my 20 week scan next week.

I take the buggy so he can't escape, and distraction snacks.

Chucklecheeks · 25/04/2014 17:50

You will get two very different answers to this question depending on the personal history of the responder. I have had three miscarriages; 2 were found at the 12 week scan, the third at about 16 weeks. Each time I had to sit in the waiting room with all the families and pregnant ladies knowing something I was wrong.

Each time there were children asking why I was distressed. I would never take my child there if I had he choice. I appreciate you don't though.

If you have had ok pregnancies you won't see any reason not to take your older children as it's a happy and wonderful time. Just please be aware that for some ladies is terrifying and can be very distressing.

JimmyCorkhill · 25/04/2014 19:03

I took my DD to both of my scans. The hospital rules gave permission for your own children to be present but the scan would be rearranged if the attending child was disruptive. We accepted that DH might have to sit in the waiting room with DD but she was pretty well behaved (apart from asking for CBeebies to be put on the monitor!)

Chucklecheeks I'm really sorry for your experience and hope I didn't cause anyone at my scans any distress with DD being there.

whatever5 · 25/04/2014 19:19

I took dd1 to the 12 week scan when I had dd2 as had no one to look after her. I had had previous miscarriages so was prepared for bad news and I wouldn't have got upset in front of her.

Hospitals prefer it if people don't bring children but they can't impose a blanket ban considering that many pregnant women will already have young children and not everyone has relatives or friends who can babysit, particularly during the daytime.

fifi669 · 25/04/2014 19:23

If you've tried every avenue and there is no one at all to have your DC then take them.

I agree with others that it really does have to be the last resort as you could be getting bad news, or someone else could be and being faced with other peoples cute children straight after.

RedSoloCup · 25/04/2014 19:25

It wouldn't even occur to me not to, we had some children at all of ours except for with the first DC :)

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