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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be soooo tired and considering putting a stair gate on my toddlers bedroom door?

64 replies

betty10k · 25/04/2014 10:29

Pease can anyone give me some advice?

My son is 21 months - since he was 10 months old he has been a good sleeper - we've always had a bedtime routine, dinner, play, bath, milk and story, teeth then bed and i would just put him down to sleep cover him up say goodnight and leave the room. I know lucky me! He loves his bed and i would always say shall we go and find bear (his favourite toy) and he would be excited about going to bed. But not anymore....

But for the last 5 weeks he hasn't slept through - it's got progressively worse and in the last week he has started climbing out of his cot. I put him down to sleep, he doesn't want to go and he is instantly up and trying to climb out of the cot - the only way he will go to sleep is if we stay with him - this can take up to 45mins with him constantly looking up to make sure one of us is still there. Then everytime he wakes in the night 4-5 times he will climb out of his cot and come into our room and then we have to put him back and stay with him while he goes to sleep - this can take up to an hour! We can't leave him to cry as he will just climb out. I've bought a bed guard and will take the sides off of the cot tonight and use that - at least then he is less likely to hurt himself climbing out.

What do i do? We both work full time and are shattered. I've been careful up until now not to create any bad sleep associations and he has always been able to settle himself to sleep but now can't. If we keep staying in the room he will always want that? But we can't leave the room now as he can get out. Do i get a gate for his bedroom door or is that evil? I'm not sure i can do it but wondered if anyone had?

I know he is a toddler and this is all probably normal but any advice would be great?

Thank you!

OP posts:
Meloria · 25/04/2014 12:07

Doesn't everyone do this? Surely it's not safe for a child who might be half asleep to be wandering around the house at night.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 12:11

Just looking at Gro Clocks online. Will that provide a better light for his room than my plug socket night light? Don't think he's likely to understand the concept yet though? Do you leave them on all day and night so they can see what colour it is during the day versus the night?

OP posts:
MiniatureRailway · 25/04/2014 12:21

This would never have worked for me. Both mine would have stood at the gate and screamed until I went to them.

IckleBird · 25/04/2014 12:29

You have my sympathies whatever method you use will be hard going initially but try really do start to work after a couple days and is worth it.

GnomeDePlume · 25/04/2014 12:30

We allowed ours to come into bed with us (then there would be a race between DH & me to see who got the vacated bed quickest).

Honestly, it meant we all got a reasonable night's sleep.

Mind, we didnt do fixed bedtime routines either. DCs stayed up until suitably tired then carried up to bed, often asleep.

I should probably take myself off to the MN naughty step (except we didnt do those either).

DCs are all now teenagers with perfectly good sleep routines which suit them.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 12:32

That's a good idea now i've taken the sides off his bed i have that option - do you think my son's cot bed would take a full grown mummy or will i break it?

OP posts:
edwinbear · 25/04/2014 12:35

I'm with Gnome on this actually. ds went through a similar phase at the same age. He has always been a good sleeper, self settled and slept through from 6 months, but we had a phase of him appearing at the side of our bed in the middle of the night. DH and I also both work and have to be up at 5.30am, so we tried taking him back to bed, but ultimately, we were just too tired with midnight shenanigans. We had about 4-5 weeks of him crawling into bed with us maybe 3-4 times a week, then it stopped as suddenly as it started and now at 4.5, it happens maybe once every couple of months which I can cope with.

ExcuseTypos · 25/04/2014 12:38

I'd definitely take the cot side down so he doesn't hurt himself when climbing out.

My dd used to climb out so we put her in a bed, but she still would wake several times a night. So we put her bed in our room. She slept like a log from the first night which was fantastic. We did it for about 6 months, she then went in with her older sister with no problems at all.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 12:44

I do sometimes resort to letting him sleep in with us but i get no sleep at all as he moves around so much and he is always tired and grumpy the next day so it's not something i want to encourage (unless he's ill of course)

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 25/04/2014 12:44

betty10k, you are probably okay to sleep in it. I am sure that they are designed so that an adult can sit on them.

DH and I always felt that it was more important that everyone got a good night's sleep than where they got that sleep.

As edwinbear says, it doesnt last forever. They soon grow out of it. Once they were old enough to reason with we would say that they could come into our bed but that would mean they would be too tired the following day for one of their minor treats (eg friend coming round to play). It meant that they had to decide whether they would rather come into bed with us now or have little David come to play tomorrow.

ASmidgeofMidge · 25/04/2014 12:52

Rapid return is the only way, imho

YoGatoradeMeBitch · 25/04/2014 13:03

I could have written your post when DS was 19m OP!

He would climb out of his cot and chase me down the hall crying.

We took the side off the cot and one of us would sit with him until he slept. Eventually we were able to get further away/out of the room by bum-shuffling away inch by inch. I agree it is exhausting especially if it needs repeating through the night.

I promise you this is a phase, he will grow out of it! As long as you are consistent with your approach he will return to his usual sleep pattern. Do whatever you both are comfortable with. A stair gate is an excellent idea. It will keep him safe and give him a boundary.

bragmatic · 25/04/2014 13:06

Take off the side, and give him a little CD player with a nursery rhyme CD in it (volume down low, of course). Teach him to press play.

Sillylass79 · 25/04/2014 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 13:14

I have started making dh get up and take his turn - especially as he has more patience and seems to resolve it quicker than me. But why do i have to wake up and tell him to wake up - he always sleeps through it!

OP posts:
dietcokeandwine · 25/04/2014 13:16

Watching with interest as I very much suspect 15mo DS3 will throw me similar challenges! Neither of my older two ever climbed out of the cot and transitioned perfectly to a bed at around 3. I am not going to get that lucky three times in a row!!

I'd agree with everyone saying swap cot to bed (if they are climbing out you have no choice really), stairgate across door, try a nightlight. I'd also suggest some kind of light projection/music show to soothe/reassure him... We use the lightshow and music on the baby monitor for DS3 and he seems mesmerised by it.

The one other thing I'd look at is daytime sleep. Does he still nap? If so he might be ready to cut it down or even out-the initial faffing around going to bed could partly be down to not being tired enough. Conversely if he's just cut a nap down or out, overtiredness might also be a contributing cause! Would be worth looking at daytime sleep, anyway.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 13:24

He still has a daytime sleep 1.5hours at nursery often up to 3 hours at weekends in his own bed. He sleeps from 8pm - 6am - this used to be uninterrupted but now he is up a lot in the night.

OP posts:
Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 13:28

Although even his naps during the day at weekend are difficult now - he seems to have a total aversion to his bed.

OP posts:
dietcokeandwine · 25/04/2014 13:51

Might be worth tryjng to cut the naps down a bit betty - the 3 hour one at the weekends sounds a lot especially.

I'd be tempted to ask nursery to cut the nap down to 45 mins or so and maybe half his weekend naps down to 1.5 hours and see if that makes any difference.

Both my older two DSs went through phases of taking ages to settle, or waking more in the night, when they were ready to drop a nap. Not saying that nap changes will be the magic answer to the problems you're having, but some tweaks to his nap routine might help...

TheSkiingGardener · 25/04/2014 13:58

Just to share with you our recent experience of rapid return. We started 4 nights ago. First night, it took 32 times of returning him to bed with a firm kiss and good night, sleep time. 2nd night it took 7 times, 3rd night 4 times and last night he just curled up in his bed and went to sleep.

The first night does feel endless, but he is a second born so we are hardened now! He's 13 months by the way.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 14:48

Have phoned nursery and asked them to wake him after 1 hour - fingers crossed i will have resolved this by the end of the weekend :) - who am i kidding!?

OP posts:
VisualiseAHorse · 25/04/2014 15:09

I would try a Groclock too.

We got one for our lad at 18 months - we've had a few ups and downs with it, but mostly, when he gets up we just take him straight back to bed and say "when the sun comes up, then you can get up". This has worked for early morning waking.

ICanSeeTheSun · 25/04/2014 15:33

Has any thing happened recently.

Original poster
betty10k · 25/04/2014 15:45

No major changes. Grandma and Grandad have gone away for a couple of months and he did see them nearly everyday but that can't cause this can it?

OP posts:
grumpalumpgrumped · 25/04/2014 19:50

Have to say rapid return just made DS mad. We did gradual retreat until he was happy to go off himself (just sat closer to the door each night) , then rapid return in the night.

Good luck