Snubbed at a wedding on the other side of the world

[NorthLDNgal]

My partner was the best man for a wedding in Australia so we made the journey from the UK to Aus for the event, sandwiching it between our own holiday there. As it's a lot of money we wanted to make the most of the 3 weeks we were there.

When it came to the wedding day, I found out that I was to be seated at the back of the reception room, with a table of football blokes and a couple that I barely knew. The groom's mother noticed that I was at the back and told my partner. He asked the groom and his bride why I had been seated there when other friends in our group were seated in the front close to the bridal table, and he was told not to bring it up now and "Can she stand?"

He felt terrible about having to do his best man speech although I had tried to tell him I was ok. I moved to the table where our friends were seated so I could watch his speech and it cheered him up that he could see me. I had helped him rehearse the speech in the days before.

I eventually got an apology from the groom but nothing from the bridesmaid who put the seating plan together.

Is it unreasonable to feel snubbed having flown all that way? Some people have said the bride must not like me, but I find that strange since she has only met me once. Others have said not to take it personally as it's tough to know where to seat people at a wedding.

It left a pretty sour taste in our mouths but I suppose you have to let these things go.

You and your dp sound very odd to me. What strange stuff to complain about.

Has it not occurred to you that having a campervan is some people's idea of a rather fab time, and so they'd assume you wouldn't WANT to be in a house?
At a wedding I went to recently, one couple slept in a hired camper after the reception, and we all had a lovely time oohing and ahhing over it.

Sorry op, but in the grand schemes of things, you are letting this overshadow what would have been an awesome (and for some) once in a life time holiday.

It's done. Let it go.

It sounds as if you resent that fact that you went to the wedding at all. I think in your mind the distance and expense of getting there was a bigger deal than in their minds and you expected to be treated like heroes for sitting on a plane for 24 hours.
I think if getting to a wedding involves too much effort then that is a sign that you can't go. IMO part of being a good wedding guest is getting yourself there without fuss and looking after yourself. That may include being flexible with accommodation, not fussing about seating, making conversation with people you don't know well (surely a basic adult life skill) and making a speech graciously if required.

Guestzilla.

To me asking someone to be your best man is a fairly big deal, and asking them to travel half way across the world is significant. So yes I think it's perfectly reasonable if you accept in those circumstances to imagine that you might be looked after fairly well. Apart from anything else there is the assumption that the reason why you are being asked to be best man is because you are an important friend, and most people treat their friends with kindness.

Making a speech is something that lots of people find very stressful, and having the support of their partner might be important.

I hate weddings/parties with seating plans anyway, you tend to have to wait for ages for food to be delivered while attempting small talk with a bunch of strangers who you will likely never see again and who you may not even like very much. I much prefer a buffet and to sit or stand talking to people I choose to interact with (whether newly met or old friends). Oh and I am an extrovert - introverted dh would eat his meal while pretty much ignoring the people he was sitting by while I feel the need to try and connect and get upset if I can't/ we have nothing in common /discover that we don't like each other much.

It seems that this would not have been an issue if you had been able to hear and see the speeches from that table.

If the B and G knew that some seats were "restricted view" and sat you there anyway, that was a bit thoughtless given that your DP was speaking. Also arguably thoughtless for them to have numbers that required anyone to be in a restricted view seat. However if they had no idea, then it's OTT to start ranking tables with reference to the perceived importance of the guests and it was entirely reasonable for them to put you on the table with the friends you were staying with.

You say there was a group of close friends at a closer table- which one of them would you have moved so you could take the place?

I do find it astonishing that only the bride would do the seating plan. Serious omission on the part of the groom there, how on earth could she possibly know all the relevant relationships? And stupid of her not to force him to participate.

My wedding is in 6 weeks and DP and I will be discussing every single seat.

"I hate weddings/parties with seating plans anyway, you tend to have to wait for ages for food to be delivered while attempting small talk with a bunch of strangers who you will likely never see again"

Yes Nooka wedding receptions are not a whole lot of fun - so sitting next to a bunch of footballers might be such the bad deal!

I get the impression that they were a bit disorganised and stressy - judging by the groom's comment, so I wouldn't take it personally OP.

Well then, book onto a campsite or check into a hotel if your camper van does not have those facilities inside.

One of my guests camped at a campsite near my wedding. I assumed that they were a) happy to be doing so and b) i had too much else to think about to be worrying about their arrangements.

At my wedding I provided for my guests' comfort and well being by holding the wedding in a beautiful indoor venue with bar, seating areas and toilets, providing a three course meal, giving them information in advance about what would be happening, drawing up a seating plan and holding the venue in a place where there were plenty of hotels. Beyond that, on the day, I think they had to look after themselves. If I was going to worry about anyone it would be about one of my parents who was seriously ill at the time or those with young children, not a fit and competent adult guest.

I contrast this to the wedding I attended in a freezing marquee, in a muddy field, with no hot drinks available, no clear idea of what was happening when and a floor sloping to such a degree that it was difficult to place things on the tables. That was uncomfortable!

Thanks Nooka - you have hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how we felt about the situation.

BranchingOut - it sounds like you organised your wedding really well and took an interest in the guests that were attending your wedding. I cannot say the same for the wedding we attended.

I have moved on and am grateful for the comments. The fact that I didn't make a fuss at the reception doesn't make me a guestzilla in my view.

Life is short.

In the bridesmaid's speech she actually said that the bride is a control freak, something that she admits to. The groom had very little to do with any of the organisation and I doubt he'll have much to do with anything in the future.

We were at the wedding rehearsal a few days before the wedding and it was clear who was in charge, the groom just followed her around. It was pretty sad really. Then to boast on facebook that you've completed your seating chart in 30 minutes as a mark of your efficiency was weird as well.

There was a single male on the table where our friends were sitting v close to the bridal table. Two other groomsmen sat at the other end of the room because their partners didn't come with them. I could at least have sat with them or sat where the single guy was. Anyway it's done, just a strange way of doing things in my view. This is why I won't have a big wedding and just keep it family and very close friends if I get married.

We had a fantastic holiday, loved the Aussies and have lots of great memories so all was not lost.

So just me that would probably have preferred to sit at the back with footie blokes?
Me too. Bunch of rowdy lads would have suited me, cultural experience & all.

One thing I hated about my wedding was I barely got to talk to anybody. Argh.

Yanbu she sounds ghastly. I dont think it was because she doesnt likw you as others were so badly placed, she's just a thoughtless and inconsiderate cowbag.

I can appreciate all the comments that it's your wedding, you have other things to worry about - BUT - if you have specifically asked someone to be your best man, then that best man and partner have travelled to the other side of the world, surely you have some responsibility for their wellbeing and making them feel comfortable at said wedding. If it was a shindig just down the road, that would be complete different. I've been at weddings where my o/h was best man and I wasn't seated with him - not a problem at all, didn't bother me in the slightest. But it was local.

OP and partner were invited guests, chap was specifically asked to be Best Man, on the other side of the world. I really do think the best man and his partner should have been looked after a bit more. Or the groom should have chosen a different best man? A new friend, who lives locally and wasn't expected to travel halfway across the planet.

"It left a pretty sour taste in our mouths but I suppose you have to let these things go." - Err, clearly not because you posted the story to Mumsnet!

tbh I would fly to australia for no one's wedding. A whole new aibu.

But tbh yabu imo, there are only so many seats on tables. I'd have just talked to the people I was sat with. You can't expect special treatment just because you've come a long way. It's your choice to make the journey.

The close friends at the table near the front are our friends who we hang with at home in the UK made up of groomsmen and their girlfriends. I was just baffled why being the best man's girlfriend I was in a place where I couldn't see/hear anything. I don't think this makes me think I'm better than everyone else.

Anyway, I'm even bored of going through this so wrapping it up. Thanks to all who were nice and understood my point of view.